Did you fall down?

It happens. One minute you're on your feet, feeling good, doing your thing, and then whoosh...

I recently had a real fall that landed me with a broken radius and a whole lotta of learning; some painful, literally and figuratively. I couldn't help but see the parallels between a physical fall and a metaphorical fall and the relationship with building your confidence. This is going to be short and to the point. Two finger typing takes skill!!
 

When you fall down, what matters most is what you do next.

So you tried that thing and it didn't go so well. What now?

• Take a breath, maybe look around at your surroundings and assess the situation. It usually isn't as bad as you think it is.

• Shake it off. Everyone messes up when they're trying a new skill. Cut yourself some slack.

• Look back at what happened. What went wrong? What's one small tweak you could make for next time?

• Do it again!

Confidence is a skill, it's not a personality trait or something you're born with. That's good news! Like any other skill, with practice, over time, you'll get better and better at that thing you're working on. You'll wake up one day and realize that you're just doing that thing, without even thinking about it anymore.  Kind of like walking. 

Are you willing to give it a try?

Let's get to it...

Your challenge for the next week...
 

If you're building your confidence in one particular skill set, in addition to the tips above, it's often useful to remind yourself of a time in the past when you did something new.  Going back to a real experience and taking the learnings from it can build your confidence for the new situation.  It's a great reminder that you can do new things. You've built your confidence before, you can do it again!

Want to build your confidence? Contact me  You have all of the skills, strengths and capabilities you need. Let’s work together and reconnect you with them!

Stay safe and well.

Cheers,

Ann

Did you fall down?

What the f**k?!

Now that I have your attention, let’s talk language, words. The way you use them by habit, and then really look at how being more conscious of this, can change your world and how you see things.

Language and the words you choose. I say choose however, you probably don’t give much thought to this. When you begin to pay attention to your words, you won’t be able to help yourself. The more you focus on how you describe yourself, others and situations, the more you’ll realize you’re painting a picture of your world.

Like what you’re seeing? Wonderful. Not exactly what you were hoping for? Good news here…you’re the one who has the power to change this and the more you practice, the easier it gets.

Here’s some food for thought as you move through this week…

Is it a grind or is it hard work?

Ever worked with another team and dreaded it? Maybe you described it as a “real battle” and every time you left a meeting with them, guess what, it did feel like a real battle. Imagine for a moment, what could be different if you substituted “real battle” with “real adventure”?  There’s still enough energy in it to suggest that there’s effort required, however, an adventure becomes more playful. Still a challenge perhaps, but more of a “we’re doing this together” feeling than a confrontational feel.  Funny how changing just one word can completely shift what meaning you put on a difficult situation.

Are you sticking it out or making it work?

Life can get complicated sometimes and so can your relationships. When you’re “sticking it out” it can isolate you and make the situation feel like a chore. That’s definitely not a recipe for success. When you’re making it work? It immediately shifts to a “we’re in this together“ vibe.

Are they “difficult” or diligent?

One word can change the entire way you perceive someone. Do you use words like “she’s so difficult” or “he’s stubborn” – what does that do for you?  It probably doesn’t foster warm and fuzzy feelings for that person.  What if, instead of being “difficult” she was actually being diligent, or instead of him being “stubborn” he was passionate about getting it right? What shift could you make in your language to change your perspective? When you’re describing an acquaintance, friend or co-worker in your life notice how you describe that person.  It matters.

One word can make a world of difference.

Probably most important...the language you use when it comes to YOU.  What's your self-talk like?  Is it kind and compassionate or are you always putting yourself down?  When you start to pay attention to how you talk about yourself to others, and maybe more importantly, how you talk to yourself in your head, it is so powerful. 

Changing negative self-talk is a big first step to moving ahead to a more positive outlook.  Easier said than done you may think and, with practice you can change your negative self-talk to positive.  How? Step one is to simply notice. Yep, just notice what you’re thinking in your head or how you describe yourself to others. When you first start consciously noticing you may not recognize things in the moment.  However, gradually you will find that the noticing gets to be in the moment and that’s when a shift can occur.

Are you willing to give it a try?

Let's get to it...

Your challenge for the next week...
 

Pick one situation from the examples provided: work, a relationship, or your own self-talk.

• Really pay attention to the words you are using to describe the person, team or yourself.

• Notice.

• Start thinking of how you would like to feel about the person, team or yourself and replace the current word you use to describe them or yourself with a different, more positive word.

• See what changes …

Want to change your self-talk? Contact me  You have all of the skills, strengths and capabilities you need. Let’s work together and reconnect you with them!

Stay safe and well.

Cheers,

Ann

What the F**K? Your words matter…

Is it about courage, or confidence?

They say that confidence comes with doing, however, you need to have enough courage to have the confidence to do that thing....it's a kind of 'chicken or egg' scenario...you know, which one comes first?

Let's say you want to apply for a more senior, challenging role. Deep inside, you know you can do it, yet you’re hesitant. Maybe you tell yourself  “I'll wait just a little longer, do a few more things, and then I'll be ready, then I'll apply". 

What ends up happening? You get stuck in a loop of doing more and more, trying to build the confidence...just one more course, video, book... and then? You eventually: get enough courage to do that thing; or, somehow, you never quite get around to doing that thing you wanted to do.

Sound familiar?

I can pretty much guarantee that you’re NOT alone! You can exhale now. You’re normal! No matter who you are, every now and then, you're going lose your confidence.

Not what you thought you’d read? Let me say it again…You’re Normal.

Exhale.

No one has it all figured out…so what makes you think you have to have it all figured out?

No one is confident 100% of the time…so what makes you think you’re going to be confident all of the time?

You’re human. Full stop.

Even the high profile, “have your shit together professionals”? Human. And, because of this - spoiler alert - you’re going to feel all of the human emotions that come up in life. All of them, including the uncomfortable ones.

Losing track of your confidence? Not seeing your choices, or recognizing your value and what you bring to the table? Getting caught up in other people’s opinions of you? I’m sure you could add a few of your own to the list…

You’re not alone!

Even the most powerful, high level, badass professionals experience these feelings from time to time. This is universal. Absolutely no one escapes this. Sorry.

Having those feelings from time to time IS normal. Staying in those feelings is optional.

What can you do?

Are you willing to give it a try?

Let's get to it...

Your challenge for the next week...

Is this you? 

• You're working to build your confidence, thinking that when "you have enough" (experience, credentials, etc.), you'll have the courage to get out there to do “that thing”, that you've been meaning to do.

Maybe it's time to flip the whole thing around?

• What if you, gather the courage first and put that thing out there? It's risky for sure, it means you're probably not going to do it perfectly. However, you will learn and build your confidence.  

Let's take that role that you're hesitating about. What if you did apply for it? By taking the time to prepare for an interview, you're building the skills and the confidence.  When you focus on the courage to take a chance, you may discover that you have exactly what it takes, or, you may discover some gaps to be filled.  Either way, you'll know where you stand and you’ll move ahead. This is faster than waiting and waiting to build confidence until...

Ready to take a step? Contact me  You have all of the skills, strengths and capabilities you need. Let’s work together and reconnect you with them!

Stay safe and well.

Cheers,

Ann

Is it about courage, or confidence?

Can we talk?

It's about this fear thing...

I know, I bring up the subject of fear...a lot, and there's a really good reason for it.  It comes up a lot with clients for sure and full disclosure, for me too.  Just the other day, I turned down an opportunity to speak at an event. Why?  I told myself, and the person who wanted me to speak, that I didn't have the specific "thing" they were looking for. They felt otherwise, but there was no convincing me. Ten minutes later, as I'm driving to my next appointment, I thought: What the actual F**k?!  You can totally do this thing.  So I promptly called them back and said...sign me up.*

I share this with you because, I get it.   Everything I share with you, is because I usually know it firsthand. It feels very vulnerable to say that I don't have it all figured out, and who the heck am I kidding!? No one has it all figured out!  

So lets dig a little into why this FEAR thing is such a big deal, for everyone, at some point in their lives.

There are many different reasons to feel fear, today's focus is on the three that often get in the way of trying something new.

• The fear of FAILURE.

  • Are you familiar with this one? It's a big one, especially when you're ready to push the edges of your comfort zone.

• The fear of being JUDGED.

  • Maybe you have a history of perfectionism or high expectations, or have been criticized in the past for not doing it "right".

• The fear of NOT BEING GOOD ENOUGH.

  • You don't know enough, haven't taken enough courses, done enough time etc. 

All of these can keep you from realizing your highest potential, and that's not why you were put on this earth, to play small!
 

Are you willing to give it a try?

Let's get to it...

Your challenge for the next week...

What's one thing you've been itching to do and fear has been standing in your way? Here's some food for thought:

• Trying something new?

  • FAILURE is usually inevitable. It's a part of the learning process.  The goal here? Fail fast so you can keep learning and growing.  

  • Recall a time in the past when you were starting something new that's now routine for you. What can that experience teach you?

• Afraid of being judged?

  • It takes courage. Perhaps you're learning a new skill, have decided to take a new career path, or deviate from the status quo...it can feel risky to put yourself out there.

  • How much weight are you putting on what others think?  In the long run, does it even matter?

• Fear of not being good enough?

  • The harshest critic you're likely to run into is YOU. Let go of the expectation of perfection and be more willing to have a beginner's mind.

  • "Good enough" is exactly that...enough. Not perfect.

Most people regret what they didn't do: not taking chances, playing it safe.  You've got to be prepared to skin your knees and get a bit muddy, and know that it's totally worth it!

Just so you know, fear's never going away. Damn that biology!  Learning to manage your response to it, is the key to continuing to live a life rich with growth and adventure. Be kind to yourself. 

Are you ready to tap into YOUR confidence so you can outsmart your fear? Contact me  Let's get you clear on YOUR skills, strengths and capabilities so you can be the confident person you were born to be!

Stay safe and well.

Cheers,

Ann

*If you want to know the end of the story you'll have to reach out!

Can we talk?

Is your belief greater than your fear?

It matters.

When you believe that something is possible for you, then all of a sudden, it becomes more probable. It starts with that grain of belief in what you want, and ultimately, in yourself.

The truth of the matter is, you have everything you need; all of the skills, strengths and capabilities, they're there. Sometimes it's easy to lose track of them. Losing track of them doesn't mean they don't exist anymore, it means they're not "on the tip of your tongue" so to speak. You know that feeling?  When you're trying to remember the name of that song or movie?  Except it's not the tip of your tongue at all, it's really in the data centre that you call your brain.  Every lived experience you've ever had is stored somewhere in those archives.  I know, incredible.  Sometimes all it takes is a song on the radio, or a smell coming from a restaurant, to take you right back to an experience. It can be that quick.

So how do you access experiences that are useful, right here and now? Hmmm...that's my job. To illuminate those strengths and skills and capabilities of yours so you can tap into them and find the confidence, or whatever else you may be looking for, to take the first step.

Your belief has to be greater than your fear. I know, there's that word again, fear. You have to truly believe in yourself and what you want, more than you believe that reptilian brain of yours. It's going to tell you that you don't know enough, you're not smart enough, you're too old, too young, the timing won't work etc.  And it's a lie.  A normal feeling for sure, and it's a lie.  But keeping you alive and functioning is more tricky for your brain when you want to do something different. Dumb? Yes.  But knowing this can be your secret weapon!  When you know how to outsmart your brain, then you can get on with things!  Does that sound good to you?



Are you willing to give it a try?

Let's get to it...

Your challenge for the next week...

Tips to outsmart your biology:

• Don't overthink it - instead take the first step and see what happens.

  • When you take a small step, you can always go back. OR,

  • You may realize you like where you're heading, so you can take another small step.

• Call out your fear - maybe it sounds a little silly AND it works - you can say out loud - oh that's my reptilian brain trying to protect me. 

  • This interrupts the circuit of fear for a few moments to let you take action.

• Action - I can't say enough about the power of taking action.  Most times you'll end up asking yourself "What took me so long"?

Just so you know, you may never feel like you're completely ready, but the belief that something's possible, and the willingness to start with one step, is how it starts.

If you truly believe in yourself and what you want, more than you believe that reptilian brain of yours, then you're already headed in the right direction.

Want to tap into YOUR confidence so you can get what you want? Contact me  Let's get you clear on YOUR skills, strengths and capabilities so you can be the confident person you were born to be!

Stay safe and well.

Cheers,

Ann

Is your belief greater than your fear?

Change is in the air...

Change is in the air...can you feel it?

The days are shorter, the nights cooler, and it's back to school.  Even if you're not going "back to school" you definitely know what I mean.  The feeling of a fresh start, new things to learn and do.  The sensation in your stomach when you know you're on to something exciting.

This year (finally!) feels different. More and more of you are deciding that YES, now is a good time, for whatever it is that may have been on the backburner for...a while.

September,  the informal end of summer. It always brings a sense of renewal and fresh energy. The potential for new beginnings is all around you.

It's a New Year kind of feeling, and, like a New Year, September provides you with the opportunity to change direction. A "weigh station" of sorts on the road trip that is 2022. Perhaps there's something you've been putting off for more than a while, a phone call you've been meaning to make, taking that next step in your career or, maybe it's time to let go of that thing you know you'll never do. 

A time to pause, reflect, and take some inventory.  

Do you realize how much you've accomplished since January?  Have you considered how you want the rest of the year to unfold? Taking a pause and reflecting can be instrumental in deciding how you will spend your energy for the next four months.  This exercise will illuminate areas that you want to focus on, which will naturally pull your attention away from the things that may not be a priority for you anymore.

What's in your plans? Are you satisfied with how things are shaping up for 2022, or are you ready to shift gears? If a “course correction” is required, what action are you going to take? You still have plenty of time to finish 2022 in a way that is meaningful for you.

So let's get to it...

Are you willing to try this out?

Your challenge for the next week...

• Will you take 10 minutes or so to reflect on how far you've come this year? 

  • You can think about it however, I recommend actually putting pen to paper for this and writing non-stop to let the yarn unravel. That's what happens when you write non-stop, new information is often revealed.

• Once you've done that, continue to write the ending that you want to have for 2022.

  • Same suggestion: write non-stop for 10 minutes. You may be surprised by what surfaces on the paper for you.

• Visualize it and make it vivid. Imagine this New Year's Eve and what you want to look back on. What will tell you it was a good year for you?

  • What did you let go of this year?

  • What new things did you discover about yourself?

  • What was that brave step you took that helped you turn the corner?

  • What else?

If you keep doing what you’re doing, is this ending likely to happen? If not, take some time to think about what you need to do to finish up how you’d like. You may need to alter your plans to get there, but know that you probably have more choices than you think you do. 

If you're not feeling confident about the way your year is shaping up: Contact me  I don't want you to be looking back four months from now, regretting not taking that first step.

Stay safe and well.

Cheers,

Ann

Change is in the air…

We interrupt our regularly scheduled program...

Just like that…SEVEN years!  This week marks my seventh year as an entrepreneur! How is that possible?

This is not a "Top Seven" of my MOST important observations. There have been waaay more learnings that that! What this IS, is a list that I'm thinking will be useful for YOU. 

In particular, I want to share some nuggets that will be helpful for you if you're starting something new, or simply starting to think about doing something new. Oh, and by the way, it doesn't have to be starting your own business. Those feelings of self doubt, fear, uncertainty and all of the other yucky feelings will come up when you want to do anything new.  Here's a list of things to remember when those feelings come up (because, inevitably, they will):

• Every expert starts out as a beginner.
  

  • Please read that again. It can feel awkward and uncomfortable when you're first learning something new or embarking on change.  Think about any skill you have that you do without thinking now. I bet if you look back you probably had the very same feelings when you started learning that skill. The gift of 20/20 hindsight. As you embark on this thing, look for progress over perfection.

• Fear is a liar.
  

  • As I've mentioned many times before, it's normal to feel fear: It's part of your biology, the brain's way of maintaining the status quo to keep you alive.  You will feel fear,  but don't let that stop you from trying something new. Fear tends to shrink in the presence of action. 

• Clarity IS a superpower.
  

  • You need to know what your desired outcome is if you want to stand a chance of getting it. This doesn't have to be huge. You don't need to know every detail out of the gate. Start with the first thing you can do, it could be investigating something on the internet, or calling a friend who knows someone they could introduce you to. Taking things step by step is how deep transformation can occur.  

• Don't wait until you feel ready!
  

  • The right time (which really doesn't exist) to do something actually may be now. You have all the skills, strengths and capabilities you need...promise. Confidence truly comes from doing, not talking about it, watching the video or "waiting until"....

• Know your why.
  

  • Make sure it's yours!  Sometimes you think you want something because someone else wants it for you.  (Refer to last week's blog*)  Take some time to get clear on why you want to start something.

• Believe it's possible. 
  

  • Even if it's one tiny cell of belief, you need to recognize that what you want is possible for you. Deep down, you probably do believe it is, or you wouldn't be spending so much energy thinking about it.  When self doubt creeps in, you can lose the confidence that supports your belief. Surround yourself with people (or a coach?!!) who can see your potential.

• Trust yourself.
  

  • You know more than you think you do.

Are you willing to give it a try?

Let's get to it...

Your challenge for the next week...

Check in with yourself this week. Have you been putting off doing something new?  Re-read the list above and repeat as necessary.

The time is going to pass no matter what you do, so you may as well do something you want to do.

If you're not feeling confident about the first step: Contact me  I don't want you to be looking back seven years from now, regretting not taking that first step.

Stay safe and well.

Cheers,

Ann

We interrupt our regularly scheduled program…

Have you forgotten your "why"?

It may be useful to check in...

What's your "why"?  If you're not familiar with this question, you may want to check out https://simonsinek.com/

Over a decade ago, Simon Sinek started a movement that inspired millions to demand purpose at work, to ask what was the WHY of their organization. To be clear, the why had nothing to do with business results...it ran deeper than that. According to Sinek - Why is your purpose  - What's your cause? What do you believe? 

I recently decided to check in with my own why* for my business and, I had such a moment of clarity that I thought I'd check in with you. 

When's the last time you actually stopped and gave some thought to a specific goal you're working on?   Especially if you can't seem to get traction on it.  Step one, really is knowing why you want to achieve, or have that thing.  When this is clear, you're more likely to reignite the desire to pursue it, and find the confidence to take the steps to get it. 

The question why can get different responses. Think about it: When you've done something, or want to do something, and someone asks you why, it can feel confronting, or put you on the defense.  However, when you ask yourself the question why, and really take the time to explore your answer, you may be surprised by the response you give yourself.

You may find you gain some clarity around whether you really do want to do that thing you say you want to do. OR, you may be surprised to find out that the thing you're pursuing isn't something you want at all!  It may be something you thought you wanted because others told you you should.  It's complicated that way.

As you move through time, you're bound to gather learning and experiences that will shape and shift you.  Knowing when to keep going with these things or to move forward onto something different, is key when it comes to being clear on your particular WHY. When you know why you're doing something, the how seems to fall into place. Things really do get more clear.

Curious?

Are you willing to give it a try?

Let's get to it...

Your challenge for the next week...

Check in with yourself this week. Is there a goal you want to achieve and you haven't made any progress on it?  Here's an exercise that is best done with someone else asking you the questions and you writing the answers down WITHOUT sharing them. You can also do it by yourself.

The 5 Whys: Just  like it sounds. Ask (either yourself or have someone guide you through):

• Why is that thing you want important to you? Write down your answer. That's the first why.

• If you have a partner, let them know when you've written your response. 

• Next ask, why is the answer to the previous question important to you. (Second why.)

• Repeat this pattern until you've done it five times.

• When you're done, notice what's different when you think about why you want that thing. You may be surprised by your own response.

The power of this exercise is in the unravelling of your thoughts without having to explain them to someone else. YOU do know your why.

Once you're clear on your why, the how seems to start falling into place.

Feeling less confident about your why than you’d like? Contact me  Let's get you clear on YOUR skills, strengths and capabilities so you can be the confident person you were born to be!

Stay safe and well.

Cheers,

Ann

*My why is to reconnect you with your confidence so you can achieve your life goals.

Have you forgotten your why?

Is it time to make that change?

Be prepared for the fear...

They say the time will come when the time has come and then?  Hopefully, you take action.  Hopefully? Yes, hopefully.

When you're ready to make a change, that's when fear and self-doubt tend to creep in.  This is a natural reaction, it's in your biology.  Fight, flight or freeze. The place your brain goes to whenever you want to change the status quo. Your brain has one job to do: keep you alive. That's it. That's why anytime you do anything more than a couple of times - tying your shoe, making coffee, driving - your brain makes it an autopilot activity  The sole purpose of this autopilot? To conserve precious energy so your brain can do its job more easily.

This autopilot was super useful for your ancestors, it literally would save them from expending unnecessary energy so they could be ready when the saber tooth tiger crossed their path. It kept them alive.

Here's the catch: the fight, flight or freeze response our ancestors had when a saber tooth tiger crossed their path, is the same response you get when you want to speak up in a meeting!  Sounds kind of silly doesn't it?

How do you learn to work with your biology so you can do the things you want to do? 

Step one:  Recognize the signs of your sneaky brain in action - typically you'll notice a response of fear or self-doubt in your thoughts.  If you're able to start there, this alone can help you to move towards achieving that thing that you want.

Simple? Yes.  Easy? Not initially.
 

Are you willing to give it a try?

Let's get to it...

Your challenge for the next week...

Check in with yourself this week. Is there something you've been wanting to do but keep getting outsmarted by your biology?

• Pay attention.

• This is your brain trying to protect you.

• Start calling out the fear. It's a liar. It tends to exaggerate what can go wrong and minimize what can go right.

• Fear cannot exist with action. Truth.

• Knowing this, what's one tiny first step that you can take to move towards that thing that you want?

• Repeat. Often.

Feeling less confident than you’d like to? Contact me  Let's get you clear on YOUR skills, strengths and capabilities so you can be the confident person you were born to be!

Stay safe and well.

Cheers,

Ann

Is it time to make that change?

It's all about you...

Really, it actually is all about you!

Has this ever happened to you: You’re sailing along, having a wonderful day, and all of a sudden, you look over at that person “over there” and start comparing where you are, to where they appear to be.

If you’re working on building your confidence, the quickest way to shoot it down? Start comparing yourself, or your current situation, to anyone else’s. As tempting as it may be, it usually doesn’t end up well.

You don’t know someone else’s back story or circumstances. You’re probably making a lot of assumptions…and you know what assuming does…

The interesting thing for sure? Everyone thinks that everyone else is looking at them and judging where they’re at; when in fact, everyone else is feeling the same way!!

When you make it about yourself, however, that’s when you’ll start to appreciate that you have your own specific trail you’re on, and it is exclusively yours. All your lived experience to this very moment is YOURS. No one else has had exactly the same experience as you and never could.

It’s your uniqueness that makes you…you!

So…how do you remember this, especially when those moments occur?

Are you willing to give it a try?

Let's get to it...

Your challenge for the next week...

Check in with yourself this week. When a moment of “I should be or I wish I was” crops up, maybe ask yourself:

• What assumptions am I making?

• What’s true about you and your situation?

• Take a moment to look back at your own path and see how far you’ve come…impressive I bet!

• Remember, it’s quite likely that someone else is looking at YOU in exactly the same way.

• Stay in your own lane…it’s uniquely yours!

Feeling less confident than you’d like to? Contact me  Let's get you clear on YOUR skills, strengths and capabilities so you can be the confident person you were born to be!

Stay safe and well.

Cheers,

Ann

It’s all about you!