Have you ever had to take your own advice?

I've recently found myself having to take my own advice.

Yikes...easier said than done!

Specifically, when the frame I always give to people when they're going through a sudden, unexpected change...good or bad is "Everything is temporary" . But now I find myself in a situation where it's not temporary. It's permanent.

Now what?

Suddenly my beliefs and what I "preach" was being put to the ultimate test. I felt disillusioned and disheartened. It kind of knocked me off my feet.

Then...

I had an aha moment when I got out of the shower the other day. I realized I do have an option. My feelings about this situation are changeable. Not now...because I need to be where I am right now. Remembering that feelings are data, not necessarily facts. They're a point in time, subject to change...and I know with time I will adapt. I'll be in a better frame of mind.

How about you?

Have you ever found yourself in a situation you weren't expecting and realized that maybe this is going to be permanent? I'm right beside you...and like I said...it's not about ignoring the feelings you have about the situation...it's acknowledging that with time, and patience, you can change how you feel about it.

• Give yourself some grace.

  • You know...the same grace you give to others that you don't extend to yourself.

• It's a mindset shift, and that can take time.

  • Allow yourself the time.

• Take it step by step.

  • Bite sized pieces are the only way to eat an elephant.

Start fresh every day...because everyday is a clean slate to write on. An opportunity to recalibrate. You can design how you want that day to go and build on it. Repeated regularly, this will lead to the mindset shift.

Hang in there!


Are you ready?

Let's get to it...

Your challenge...


Quite frankly, I don't know if you're ever ready when you're blindsided. 

If you've had the wind knocked out of you...been blindsided...here are some suggestions:

• Before you attempt to get up...

  • Stop.Take a breath.

  • Check for damage, and then ask yourself - What do I need right now?

• Then stand up...

  • Is what you need something you can provide or do you need help from someone else?

• Ask...

  • Because sometimes others have exactly what you need. 

Regardless of whether it's a temporary or permanent situation....take a moment now. Give yourself some grace, patience and time. Acknowledge the feelings and be with them. This is the way forward.

Have you had the wind knocked out of you? Contact me 

Cheers,

Ann

Have you ever had to take your own advice?

"It is what it is"...acceptance or avoidance?

It is what it is.

Acceptance, avoidance, or?

This can sound like defeat, settling, avoidance, and sometimes...acceptance.

A number of years ago I worked with someone who routinely used this statement. It just fell out of their mouth...routinely. It came across as flippant, dismissive, and upon reflection I now realize it was avoidance.

If only I knew then...

Years later, my focus with clients always starts with mindset. The way they describe themselves, others, or situations. The agency they have that they don't recognize.  Where they give their power away or settle. Things that they usually don't notice, initially.

It can be sneaky.

In a recent conversation with a new connection we were laughing about the fact that we were a full foot apart in height.  Of course the person I was speaking with was talking about how long they had wished that they were shorter and me at a strapping 5'1"  on a good day, was lamenting how, for years, all I wanted to be was taller. We had a good laugh. "It is what it is" we decided. Sometimes we truly can't do anything about a situation. 

What does this have to do with mindset?

Most things that we come across we do have some say in...even if, at the very least, it's the ability to choose how we're going to look at something. Our attitude. But when you routinely declare that "it is what it is" you're shutting down the opportunity to influence, take a stance, make change. It can come across as giving up or settling. Not necessarily intentionally and when it's a habit, it can become who you are. 

"It is what it is" sometimes has to be the starting point. If you're blindsided by a situation sometimes that's exactly what it has to be, until you know which direction to put your foot next. 

Used judiciously it's definitely a form of acceptance...overused...it becomes dismissing, avoidant or dare I say a form of throwing in the towel...settling.


What do you think?


Are you ready?

Let's get to it...

Your challenge...

Where in your life right now are you in a particular situation where you've decided "it is what it is"?

Trust that if something came up it's relevant and maybe needs another look.*

Ask yourself:

• Is there a possibility that you've settled for something?

  • Sometimes it just seems easier to suck it up then make the effort.

  • Maybe it's just not worth it.

• Are you handing your power to someone else?

  • Let's face it, sometimes not taking the steering wheel feels like the only option.

  • What's it costing you?

• Is there something you're trying to avoid?

  • There's that saying "what you resist persists"...avoidance is similar.

  • Instead of trying to duck the situation, come face to face with it - maybe that thing is more solveable than you thought.

• Or...upon reflection, is it acceptance?

  • Somethings really are out of your control.

There are no right or wrong answers. Just insights.

Is it more than what it is? Contact me and let's set up your FREE chemistry call.

Cheers,

Ann
*Confidence *Mindset *Performance Coach *Author 
www.steppingstonecoaching.ca

*A disclaimer here: I'm not referring to something that is truly out of your hands and other than your attitude about it, there's really nothing you can do.

“It is what it is”…acceptance or avoidance?

What's your priority?

What's your priority? Notice there's no plural there.

This is going to depend on the day... sometimes the hour. But more than that, it'll depend on where you're at in your life. There are so many factors that can determine what your priority is.

It's no wonder you can lose track.

I'm working on a big project right now. What I've noticed is when I make it my priority, it gets bumped up "the list" and I use the time in my day where I usually focus and prioritize something else... and it's no surprise that when I put it into that slot, when I give it that attention, I get more focus. And flow. And subsequently... more progress.

It takes willpower and it means deprioritizing something else that I think is really important and...it's temporary. Remembering that oftentimes we don't want to prioritize something because it takes away from something else. But when we utilize that premium time in our calendar, it's amazing how much we can get done. The quality of what we get done because we can't be on all the time. We have peaks and valleys in our energy throughout the day.

You may have heard the saying " When everything's a priority...nothing is a priority.

You're only going to have so much bandwidth, so much willpower, so something's gotta give. It's science. Willpower is a skill and a limited resource and it provides the “pull” to keep you going when you're working on a goal. 

When you're focusing on your priority you'll have less willpower to do other things...it's a trade off.

Are you ready?

Let's get to it...

Your challenge...

Short and sweet today because, as I said, I've got a big priority right now and I need to stay focused and energized for it...AND I didn't want to miss a Monday with you!

Do you know what your priority is right now?

• Take this moment now to check-in. It's probably not on your to do list.

• Our to do list can be the distraction that keeps us from our priority.There's such satisfaction in ticking those boxes isn't there?

Once you've identified your priority, you know...the one that's not getting the attention it needs. Ask yourself:

• What can I remove from my list temporarily in order to get this done?

• I think it's the temporary part...the permission part... knowing that you'll go back to your usual routine eventually....something we all crave as creatures of habit...and in the meantime, something else needs more attention.

Remember this:

• Willpower provides the “pull” to keep you going when you're working on a goal and it's a limited resource...so choose wisely.

Ready to figure out your priority? Contact me and let's set up your FREE chemistry call.

Cheers,

Ann
*Confidence *Mindset *Performance Coach *Author 
www.steppingstonecoaching.ca

What’s your priority?

Are you a story teller?

Are you storyteller? Yes, you are.

What kind of story are you telling? The thing is, you may not even realize how the story you're telling is defining you.

Think about it.

Maybe you know someone who always says, "I can't figure this out, I'm not that techie, I'm clumsy, I never, they always...I'm too old, too young, too..whatever" you fill in the blank.The thing about these stories is that they become your truth.That's what stories do if you repeat them enough...they become the truth for you.

That's so powerful.

What story are you telling yourself right now? Is this the story that defines the you you'd like to be?

That answer might be hard to find because it's subtle. The self-talk that goes on in your head and sometimes out loud...it can be hard to pick up. Sometimes we don't even know we're doing it... until our life starts reflecting it and then we wonder how we got here.

Well...how did you get here?

One story...one belief at a time. Whether it's true or not, if you continue to act as if it's true, it becomes your reality. Your mindset.

What happens when you realize that the story that's unfolding isn't the story you want?

Ready to start exploring the story that you've been telling yourself?

Are you ready?

Let's get to it...

Your challenge...

Pick something easy, maybe it's the "I'm not techie" story or, the "I'm too old" story... something that's top of mind for you or maybe someone's told you that you tell that story a lot...just pick one.

Ask yourself:

• What's the origin of this story? Maybe look back and get curious about it.

  • When did it start? 

  • Why did I start telling myself this story?

  Maybe it was a situation where someone had a strong opinion about what you were or weren't doing right. It's often these emotional situations that get locked into our heads and hearts. They're not necessarily true, but anything that's affiliated with a lot of emotion packs a punch. It's catching that self-talk when it happens and starting to get curious about it.

• Whose voice is it?

  • Often it's not your own.

  • Maybe that's news to you, that that self-talk could belong to someone else. 

Listen carefully.

Is it true? Maybe it once was and now it's not.

Changing your story takes courage, awareness and practice.

I've got you...you can do this.  

Ready to change your story? Contact me and let's set up your FREE chemistry call.

Cheers,

Ann
*Confidence *Mindset *Performance Coach *Author 
www.steppingstonecoaching.ca

Are you a story teller? Yes you are!

What if patience was an action?

What if patience was an action?

When I recently came across this question it was a mic drop moment for me. I'd never thought of patience this way and it totally shifted my mindset.

It makes sense...it takes energy and self-management to be patient.

As a constant "doer", patience can feel so uncomfortable. I interpreted it as not being productive, wasting time waiting for something rather than actually doing it.

Can you relate? I'm pretty sure we're not alone.

The reason I love the idea of patience being a form of action is that it suddenly stopped me from looking at it as an obstacle, a delay in getting to where I want to go. Now I'm treating it like a weigh station...rather than a roadblock. This reframe makes being patient feel more purposeful.

What can you do while you're being patient?

• Maybe there's some homework for you to do for that thing you're waiting on.

  • Do it.

• Let it be an opportunity to let the dust settle.

  • See what shows up.

• Learn the lessons this is teaching you.

  • There's always a lesson if you're open to it.

It's funny how life will show up with exactly what you need when you need it!

I'm writing this part of my blog as I'm waiting in a courthouse to find out if I will be selected for jury duty. I'm hoping to be excused and the opportunity to practice my new mindset of patience is not lost on me!

Asking myself, "What's the opportunity here"?

Forget about chatting to anyone... which would definitely make the time pass more quickly and be infinitely more interesting...everyone's got their head in their phone which is why I felt compelled to write.

Letting go came up. I'm currently at the mercy of the court...literally.*  It is what it is. How can I accept this and make the best of it?

What lesson has bubbled up for me? Next time, bring my headphones so I can listen to a podcast. Make a better plan.

Trusting the process.  Even if I don't quite understand this particular process, I know there's a process being followed by the people who do understand and eventually I'll be enlightened.


Are you ready to reframe "being patient"?

Are you ready?

Let's get to it...

Your challenge...

If you find yourself needing patience right now, whether it's for yourself, someone else, or perhaps it's a particular situation, here are a few ideas for you to help you reframe what it means to be patient.

• Remember that being patient IS an action.
  

  • Self management is an act of doing!

• Let go.
  

  • Manage what you can and let go of outcomes that are out of your hands.

• Notice your self talk.

  • Are you "off track" or are things progressing as they're meant to progress.

  • Rather than feeling that "it should be done right now" what does a delay offer you?

It's a mindset shift and like all mindset shifts...you need - wait for it - patience and practice! I've got you covered.

Ready to reframe patience? Contact me and let's set up your FREE chemistry call.

Cheers,

Ann

*In case, you're wondering... the crown and the defense came to an agreement, and I didn't have to sit on a jury this time.

What if patience was an action?

Is it time to change your filter?

Is it time to change your filter? Huh?

It seems like a funny question doesn't it?

When I'm referring to filter, I'm talking about, your Reticular Activating System (RAS)* that part of your brain that scans the environment to find what you're looking for.

Yep, you have that kind of power to influence what you get.

So, how do you use your power? For finding the negative, or the positive?

It's a mindset thing.

Have you ever started your day where things aren't going well so you decide...maybe not consciously...it's not going to be a good day. The next thing you know, all the evidence to support this starts presenting itself to you.

It's not random.

Once you decide that you're looking for something, your brain's job is to help you find it. So it will filter out the things that don't meet your criteria in order to allow you to more clearly see the things that you're looking for. Hence, if you decide you're going to have a bad day, no surprises here...you get one.

The cool thing about this is it also works in the opposite way.

At any given time, you're given the choice to decide how you would prefer things to go, not in a woo woo way at all. In a truly scientific way, your brain will deliver for you what you tell it you want it to deliver.

The lens you look at the world through is designed by you. What are you looking for?

If you've always looked at things from a negative perspective, deciding to change can feel like a lot. It means acknowledging that you do have choice.

So back to those filters again...is it time for a change or maybe a tune up?

Consider this a check in.


Are you ready?

Let's get to it...

Your challenge...

It was Henry Ford who said "Whether you think you can or think you can't you're right."... this pretty much sums up mindset.

Does it mean that everything turns out all the time? Absolutely not...and you have a far greater chance of things working out and going more smoothly...if you have the mindset that it's possible.

If you find that you lean towards the negative, it's not a fault in the system, it's how our brains are designed. We're meant to look for the negative. It's a protective response. So you're working against nature here.

So how do you make this shift?

Shifting your mindset when you're working against nature is going to take some practice.

Start small.

• Pay attention.

  • Seems obvious but we tend to do things on autopilot, so you may not even notice that it's happening. Notice...there I go again...

• Course Correct.

  • What do I want to do instead? Decide that you're going to choose an optimistic mindset this time. What could go right?

• Repeat.

  • Often. This is a practice. Be gentle with yourself. That autopilot brain of yours is determined to win. Repetition of this process makes it more likely that you'll eventually be able to interrupt this pattern and gradually, ever so gently, shift your mindset.

Remember...change doesn't happen overnight...it happens over time. I've got your back.

Ready to change your mindset filter? Contact me and let's set up your FREE chemistry call.

Cheers,

Ann

**RAS -Filters incoming sensory data, allowing only essential information to reach conscious awareness. Helps the brain identify, filter for, and recognize opportunities related to your focus or goals.

Is it time to change your filter?

Not getting ahead? Maybe you need to step back.

It sounds counter intuitive doesn't it?  Taking a step back when you feel like you're not getting ahead.

Who has time for that?

It can be challenging to get traction sometimes. We figure if we're not charging ahead then we're falling behind.

Not necessarily true.

Any "doers" reading this? I see you and I relate. In this "must be doing all the time" world that we inhabit, it sounds almost absurd to consider taking a step back. It can feel like failure when you're falling behind whoever you think you're supposed to be keeping up with...who is that anyway?

I've wrestled with the idea of not constantly doing and let me tell you...the doing always seems to win...because if I'm not doing...then how am I justifying my existence?

We could all probably learn something from our up and coming generation where rather than grinding and checking emails at midnight, they're defining what balance can look like. Saying no to being consumed by a job and prioritizing other areas of their lives. I've heard it's called living.

We're at a time where busyness and doing seem to be badges of honour when truly, there's a yearning for peace and calm. 

Not necessarily all of the time but certainly some of the time, and yet when these times present themselves there can be several overwhelming feelings that come to the surface:

• Fear

  • What if I'm never busy again?

  • What do I "do" with myself during this lull?

• Guilt

  • If I'm not "doing" then what's my worth?

  • Everyone else seems so busy...

• Comparison

  • The ultimate thief of joy.

  • Often comparing to someone else's perceived busyness.

I wish I could tell you this wasn't true, that the feelings of fear, guilt, comparison and whatever comes up for you didn't exist....and I would be lying.

That's why I'm guessing the idea of stepping back can feel so confronting and fear inducing...what's going to happen?

Here's what can happen when you "allow" yourself the grace to take a step back.

Think of your car in the winter time. You're stuck on some ice and you can't seem to get any momentum to move forward. What do you do? You put it in reverse and then try to inch ahead and you repeat this with patience a few times until the tires grab the surface and voila...you've got traction again.

It doesn't have to derail you or take a long time. The step back can be putting something down for an hour while you redirect your attention elsewhere. 

It's about backing off temporarily to get some perspective and maybe some traction.

Are you ready?

Let's get to it...

Your challenge...

I know you're busy, I know it feels good and productive...until it doesn't. How about taking a moment right now to think about that one thing you can't seem to get any traction on. You're going in circles and getting no where.

• What if you backed off?

  • Take a breath.

  • Redirect your attention.

• Take a pause to recognize how far you've come.

  • A step that often gets missed in the "busyness".

  • How can you recognize your progress if you're grinding forward all the time?

• See the bigger picture.

  • When you take a few steps back you gain perspective.

  • Notice where this thing actually fits in the grand scheme of your life. 

What if you took a different approach?

One step forward, two steps back.

Sometimes going backwards is exactly the right move to gain some traction.

Ready to gain some traction? Contact me and let's set up your FREE chemistry call.

Cheers,

Ann

Not getting ahead? Maybe you need to step back.

"You miss 100% of the shots you don't take." Wayne Gretzky

You may be familiar with the quote: "You miss 100% of the shots you don't take"...Wayne Gretzky

The Olympics have just wrapped up and yep, I've been watching a lot of hockey and I couldn't help thinking about this quote as I watched the games.

Now I'm not a statistician but the truth of this quote seems to add up...if you don't take a chance, you're definitely not going to "score" no matter what that may mean for you.

Maybe you've given up on that New Year's resolution...what was that again? Or for you is it the pursuit of a particular hobby, lifestyle change, shying away from an opportunity that scares you a bit, or finding balance?

The list is endless.

No matter what "shot" you're not taking, maybe it's time to get curious about it. Not to beat yourself up, it's not about that...it's about making sure, checking in on that thing so that you can make a decision.

What kind of decision?

• To give it another chance.

• To postpone it until you can give it your full attention.

• To strike it off of your list.

No matter what you may think, you have options, you always have options.

Ready to take another shot?

Are you ready?

Let's get to it...

Your challenge...

Pick the thing that immediately popped into your head at the beginning of this blog. There's nothing random about it...there's a reason it came up for you.

Take that thing through this checklist:

• Give it another chance now.

  • If the desire's there, you'll feel it.

• Postpone it.

  • Maybe now isn't the time and you know you really do want to do it…eventually.

• Strike it off your list.

  • Trusting yourself and your instincts. Letting it go.

There's no RIGHT answer...only the answer that resonates for you.

Make a decision…take a shot.

Ready to take a shot? Contact me and let's set up your FREE chemistry call.

Cheers,

Ann
*Confidence *Mindset *Performance Coach *Author 
www.steppingstonecoaching.ca

“You miss 100% of the shots you don’t take.” Wayne Gretzky

Find a way or find an excuse...

I read somewhere that if you want something...really want something...you'll find a way. If not...you'll find an excuse.

I think it's more complicated than that.

The first thing is, and I know I say this a lot, but it's a simple and powerful truth: If you don't know what you want, all the other things are hard to do...finding the way, knowing what to do etc.

So if you know what you want, and you've found a way, excellent. You can stop reading here.

However, if you're like a lot of us, and I always include myself in this group because, you know, human...read on.

As humans, our default setting, or one of them at least, is to avoid pain. That can become a sticking point when you're looking at what you want, because often, it's framed by what you want to avoid, rather than what you desire.

• I don't want to be in debt when I retire.

• I don't want to be out of shape.

• I don't want to stay in this job.

You get the picture...

This is all good information...knowing what you don't want. It's the next important step that gets missed most of the time...declaring what you do want. Putting that destination in your GPS so you can start heading there. Until you do this you're gonna stay in that cycle.

Don't beat yourself up for it...this is normal!

Here are some things that can show up as "excuses":

Avoidance, procrastination...and let's not forget the mother of them all...fear.

And...if you're framing what you want by declaring what you don't want, of course you're going to procrastinate, avoid and be afraid...it makes total sense!

So what do you do?

Learn to question yourself when you find yourself declaring what you don't want or want to avoid.

It's easier said than done. That's why a lot of the work I do with clients...and I mean probably 80% of it initially, is stopping them when they're talking, to reframe what they're saying. Then training them to notice when it's happening. Once they're paying attention, they stop, take a breath, and ask themselves: "What do I want instead?" This simple act redirects their attention to what they want versus staying in avoidance or procrastination. It interrupts the cycle.

Simple but not easy...at first.  You have to make this your new habit and that takes time and practice.



Are you ready?

Let's get to it...

Your challenge...

Are you figuring out what you want right now? As always...it doesn't have to be the "big thing" just somewhere where you'd like to be a bit more clear. That thing.

It al starts with clarity, making sure it's what you want. Here are some tips to foster clarity.

• Clarity can't enter a mind that's already full.

  • You need to create space first.

  • Start with a few deep breaths. 

• Listen to your body. Not just your thoughts.

  • It's true that our bodies often know what's right long before our minds catch up. It can show up as tension in your shoulders when you're discussing a certain option that doesn't resonate, or an expansive feeling in your chest when you're considering something and it feels right.

  • It's a practice worth exploring.

• Get rid of the external noise.

  • That could mean staying off social media or listening to podcasts, but maybe most importantly, others' opinions.

  • All of this can cloud your instincts.

• When you get that insight, no matter how small, take one action.

  • You don't have to have a fully formed plan to get going.

Unfortunately, clarity isn't something you find once and possess forever. It's definitely a practice. Clearing space in your head. Listening to your body. Getting rid of all the external noise and allowing the insight to come.

Now you have a plan. Try it out!

Need some help finding your "instead?" Contact me and let's set up your FREE chemistry call.

Cheers,

Ann
*Confidence *Mindset *Performance Coach *Author 
www.steppingstonecoaching.ca

Find a way…or find an excuse.

How are you with waiting?

According to Tom Petty..."The waiting is the hardest part" and these were his thoughts ~46 years ago!

How do you feel about waiting?

Whether it's sitting with a problem, planning something, finding out a result...we are no longer accustomed to waiting.

We live in a world where waiting is unheard of and information is hurtling towards us at warp speed.  

I've been sitting with this idea recently...the idea of waiting and the inherent discomfort that comes with it. In our instant gratification culture...the idea of waiting feels like a radical act.


When do you have a tough time waiting?

Maybe for you:

• It's rushing to your phone to answer that text immediately.

• Jumping to conclusions and getting 10 steps ahead of a situation.

• Being patient about finding a solution to a problem.

Perhaps you had something else that came to mind for you.

Waiting feels tough...because it is tough!

But....have you ever considered what waiting can offer you?

Waiting provides time to process and be more intentional. When you're intentional...when you know what you want and maybe more importantly, how you want to show up...the odds of you getting that thing go up exponentially.

Waiting provides time for wisdom to emerge.

Waiting is uncomfortable because it leaves you in the space of "not knowing" and that can feel incredibly scary because it feels uncertain and we like certainty.

Are you ready?

Let's get to it...

Your challenge...

Real life happens. Imagine you receive an email or text that fires you up and you're ready to send one back immediately. Take radical action by finding the gift in waiting. Waiting is not avoidance, rather, it's a chance to:

• Press the pause button.

  • Before the "knee jerk" reaction, take several deep, intentional breaths.

• Process information.

  • Actually take in the information and really think it through.

• Discover your next move with clarity.

There's gold there. Being able to get to a place where you're prepared. A place where you're responding rather than reacting...and...it doesn't have to take a long time. Depending on the situation, it could be a conscientious five minutes before answering a contentious email. Really. 

Need some help reframing waiting? Contact me and let's set up your FREE chemistry call.

Cheers,

Ann
*Confidence *Mindset *Performance Coach *Author 
www.steppingstonecoaching.ca

How are you with waiting?