Is an old pattern coming up for you?

Old patterns creeping up?

Nothing's gone wrong. They're called patterns for a reason...and shifting them is work.

Doing the work, although it gets easier, doesn't ever completely end. I had a reminder the other day of how easy it is to slip into old behaviours and patterns, even when you think you've outgrown them or done the work.

This one was all about assumptions.

Can you relate?

This wasn't about assuming someone else's intentions or actions. It was about a situation where I assumed that I had made a mistake  A previous "go to" behaviour for me. I received an email questioning a potential issue with a meeting time and a faulty link. I hadn't messed up, but without missing a beat, I jumped to assuming it was me. I must have messed up.

As I was backpedaling and trying to sort things out, the other person reached out to me and said, "ha, please disregard..." they had made a mistake. No biggie, because it wasn't. But I was ready to make it a big deal for me. Ugh.

So here's a reminder, a refresher, for you and me. Doing the work, whatever your “work" may be, it's so important to keep doing it. And when you slip up, as you will, to recognize it as a slip up, and then course correct. Get going again.

Is there an old pattern for you that keeps rearing its ugly head?

This is not the time to beat yourself up.This is the time to get curious. Check in. Maybe you're tired. Maybe you've got something on your mind. Or, maybe shit just happens. Don't overthink it.

Take a minute to acknowledge that you actually caught yourself doing this. Bravo!

That in and of itself is growth.

The fact that you can notice when you're falling back into old behaviours is a testament to doing the work.

And it doesn't end. Maybe it's not a daily commitment anymore, but it doesn't mean you can drop it entirely.

Do you have an old behaviour that keeps popping up?


Are you ready?

Let's get to it...

Your challenge...


Our behaviours are on autopilot. They're supposed to be, or you wouldn't get anything done. Autopilot eliminates the need to think about absolutely everything. This is a good thing, mostly. We don't notice behaviours until they become problematic for us, or sometimes, someone else.

What behaviour have you been working on that's coming to the forefront again?

• Maybe, like me, you're assuming you've done something wrong.

• Or for you, it could be assuming someone else has done something.

• Or it could likely be something else completely!

Just think about it now.

• Trace back your steps, what's going on for you?

• Maybe there's a reason for the slip up.

• Like I said, maybe you're just tired...you're at your capacity.

Or... you're human and shit happens sometimes. That's okay too.

Regardless of what it is. This is a chance to remind you to keep doing the work. Because if you noticed that you're slipping up, it means the work is ...working!!

Thank you for showing up! You're doing better than you think.

Ready to shift an old pattern? Contact me 

Cheers,

Ann

Is an old pattern coming up for you?

It's time to get back to basics...

Is it time to get back to basics?

What if what you need is right under your nose? It's so easy to dismiss the obvious thing, because unless we google it first, we don't trust that that thing that came up for us, actually is the thing!

Trusting that random intuitive hit. That really isn't random at all...

It's knowing that there's so much storage in that head and body of yours from the life you've lived so far. Information that informs decisions you make right here, right now. You don't need a google search to know how you feel...to know what your next best step is.

What you really need?  Is to trust yourself...trust your instincts.

It's time to get back to basics and "trusting your yourself" is one of the foundations of my Confidence Recipe**. With so much noise out there, you can get distracted and overwhelmed and forget that, it -the noise - will never top the instincts you have from the life you've lived. It's all in there.

The thing about trusting yourself, especially when it comes to making a decision, is that immediately you're going to have the choir of advisors come up in your head. They're going to tell you why you shouldn't do that, what they would do instead, etc. It's not usually the encouraging voices, the ones that you could use, it's the ones that tell you all the dangers and pitfalls of making that decision.

This is not helpful at all...and you can override this with awareness and practice.

If you pay attention to those voices and listen really carefully, the one thing that's going to start bubbling to the surface pretty quickly is the fact that a lot of those voices aren't even yours.That's good information.

That's the first step...recognizing whose voice is actually telling you that this isn't a good idea, or what you should do. Take a minute when it happens to really listen because often those voices are the voices of people in our past that had a lot of influence on us. Our parents, teachers, perhaps an influential person that you respected a lot. All those people whose opinion was given lot of weight. This is the foundation for the voices in your head.

This isn't about ignoring those voices.This is an opportunity to discern those voices and then decide.

• The discernment - whose voice it is?

  • Recognize where this input is coming from.

  • You or someone else?

• Ask yourself:

  • Do I want this advice?

  • Just because it's not your voice doesn't mean the advice isn't worthwhile.

Making this discernment can help you to more clearly hear your own opinions, your own voice and then make a decision that truly feels right for you. It's a practice.

It's a win/win...a process of learning that all the influence you've had up until this very moment in time is probably quite likely what led you to be where you are now. It's not a bad thing. It's about when you want to move forward, to start to choose your own way, that the discernment comes in to play.

That's where the practice comes in.


Are you ready?

Let's get to it...

Your challenge...


Practice:

Because it's practice that gives you permission to not get it right.

• You have to do the drills to get the skills. Fact.

• That's why you have baseball practice, soccer practice, hockey practice etc.

• To work the kinks out. To improve your skill level.

This is no different. This is where it starts. When you're making a decision:

• It starts with awareness: Noticing the noise.

• Then the discernment: Whose voice is this?

• And finally: Making your choice based on this information.

It's about being aware of when those other voices come up in your head with their opinions and then discerning and finally choosing.

You've got this. One step at a time...one situation at a time.

Do you trust yourself? Contact me 

Cheers,

Ann

** "The Confidence Recipe"  http://tinyurl.com/5n6m7uf6

It’s time to get back to basics…

You get to create your view...

We don't see the world as it is...we see the world as we expect it to be.

Mic drop.

Maybe for you it's not and it's a good reminder for all of us. A reminder that we have a lot more say in our world then we think we do. I always include myself with you because...human being over here, living life, doing the things.

This was a line in a recent podcast I was listening to that stuck with me. I know it to be true, and I'm pretty darn good with creating the experiences I want, shifting my perspective when it's not helpful. I've done the work, and yet even when you do the work, a reminder is never a bad thing, it's exactly that...a reminder.

This is a check-in for you.

• How do you see your world?

• How do you "expect" it to be?

You have so much more power than you might think you do. The power to create the experiences you have, the agency to live the life you want.

It's that mindset of yours. Yep, I harp on mindset a lot because the word kind of bugs me, it's a misnomer. It suggests that your mind is "set" when in fact, it's not. Not if you decide to change it.

Your mindset is something that, with conscious work, you can change. I do say work because when you decide to explore your default settings it can be a wake up call. You may not like what you see, or hear or feel, depending on how you express or notice things.

One thing's for sure. You do have the ability to make changes...It doesn't matter how old you are, how far gone you think things are... all that stuff you're telling yourself. I'm going to call bull shit. It's about the desire to have things be different. That's where it starts.

So let's go back to that question I asked...how do you see your world, what do you expect it to be?

Does the answer you get feel satisfying? And by that I mean, looking down the road five years, if you continue to see your world this way, what will you have created?

What?!

Exactly. Your view of how things are, the way you respond to it, is creating that little microcosm...your current world. If you like where it's going, keep doing what you're doing. Maybe you've got it all figured out.

But if you don't like the trajectory you're on, the life you're seeing unfold if you continue to view the world the way you are, then let this serve as a gentle reminder. You have choices. Choices you can make that can change your outlook, create your world. And as always, they start with the tiniest steps carried out consistently.


Are you ready?

Let's get to it...

Your challenge...

This is where the work begins. It's always about examining your current situation...because this takes determination and a willingness to unpeel the onion. One small layer at a time.

So if you're brave enough to do that, curious enough to do that, that's where you start.

Noticing how you show up.

• What's your "go to" thinking?

  • When things aren't great and...

  • also when they are.

  • How do you view them?

It's complicated, and I invite you for this week to just notice.What's your baseline?

That's it...start noticing, because nothing can be changed until you notice it's there. You've got this. I've got your back.
 

Ready to shift your mindset? Contact me 

Cheers,

Ann

You get to create your view…

Why me?

"Why me?'

We've all been there. Sh*t hits the fan, and our first response is, "Why is this happening to me"? A completely normal response and a valid question to ask.

And...

If you're working on moving towards resilience, shifting your mindset...this question isn't the most helpful. It puts you in the role of victim...and nobody wants that role.

If you're hoping to move to a more useful state, that particular question "why me" may not be the one that's going to get you there.

From "why me" to "what is this teaching me?". Reframing it to "what is teaching me?" shifts you into a more curious state, a state that has more agency. It puts you in the driver's seat.

This doesn't mean that bad things don't happen.

Resilience is about having bad things happen and staying steady in that storm so that you can move forward more readily.

Having a growth mindset. Moving from "why me" to "what now"?

What's your typical go to response when  sh!t hits the fan? The knee jerk reaction that you may not even notice because you do it all of the time. This is fast and sneaky so you have to pay attention, and it's a good indicator of whether you have a growth mindset or not.

Why does having a growth mindset matter? People with a growth mindset tend to embrace challenges as learning opportunities. They also tend to be more resilient and optimistic as well. Coincidence?

What can you do to shift from "why me" to "what's this here to teach me"?

Are you ready?

Let's get to it...

Your challenge...


Let's start with a check in.

Take one moment now to notice....what's your typical 'go to' response when sh!t hits the fan? Be honest with yourself, you're not gonna be telling anyone your answer.

No matter what your answer is, whether you're already pretty good with reframing things...practicing is never a waste of time.

Practicing how to move from "why me" to "what now"?

Step One:

• Catch yourself.

  • Catching yourself saying those words or something like that. "Why me, why is this happening to me"? Catch yourself doing it.

• You're going to have to really pay attention because chances are it's a habitual way of thinking for you.

Step Two:

• Mentally hit the pause button to stop going down the victim path.

  • Do this by taking a breath, getting present.

Step Three:

• Ask yourself, what's this situation teaching me?

  • It may be patience, tolerance. or perhaps it's to slow down. Pay attention.

Take some inventory. Remember, there's always a lesson If we're open to hearing it. 

We can't always choose what happens to us. Fact. We can always, without exception, learn to manage how we interpret it...how we respond. Also a fact. It's a practice.

Ready to shift your mindset? Contact me 

Cheers,

Ann

Why me?

There will be consequences...

There will be consequences...

What's the first thing that comes to your mind when you hear the word "consequences"? My guess is it's something negative...that's what consequence can conjure up. When, in fact, a "consequence" is merely a result or outcome of a situation or decision.

There's often good consequences to situations that maybe you can't see or you weren't expecting.

Anticipation. Expectations.

What about those situations where you're going in blind? You have no idea what the outcome will be. Where do you tend to lean?

Do you automatically assume it's going to be "bad"?

There's that mindset again, how you look at things...experiences. It can be quick and sneaky, before you have a chance to think it through...you've jumped to a conclusion.

Don't be hard on yourself, this really is how our brains are wired. It's a natural built-in shortcut. We get a piece of information and before we think it through our brain is looking for a pattern and if the situation seems familiar...boom!

Conclusion made!

This works with consequences too...apparently we underestimate both how good and how bad something will be. Ugh.

Now what?

How do you short circuit this very normal behaviour?

The power of the pause, the breath. When you're ready to draw your conclusion...or assume the consequence...take a beat.

What else could this be? How else could this turnout? Interrupt the pattern.

Easier said than done because it's work...and our brains are lazy...they like the shortcuts.


Are you ready?

Let's get to it...

Your challenge...


Whether it's a consequence or jumping to conclusions the key is to interrupt your normal pattern of behaviour.

This takes awareness first and foremost. Before you decide you know what's coming:

• Take a beat.

• Breathe.

Ask yourself:

• What's the worst possible outcome...remember the overestimating.

• What's the best possible outcome...again...remember the overestimating.

Then:

Find the best possible in-between...start there.

Then practice. A lot. You're not going to get it right all of the time...that's not the point. The point is always self-awareness.

Ready to shift your mindset? Contact me 

Cheers,

Ann

There will be consequences…

Are you doing this? Probably not...

Are you doing this? Probably not.

At least not when you really need to because that's when old patterns and habits can take over.

What am I talking about?

Unless you've never be on an airplane, you know the drill: In the event of an emergency, or the cabin pressure drops, put on your oxygen mask before you attempt to help someone else. It makes total sense.

You can't help someone else when you're gasping for air.

We all know it, but when we really need it we can forget to put our own oxygen mask on before helping someone else.

I've recently had a great reminder as I refreshed myself on my resilience coach training that I took almost 7 years ago.

Resilience, I was reminded, is not about bouncing back, it's about being centered in the storm, utilizing your resources and then, moving forward.

There are many tools I have in my toolkit that I haven't been using...that I've forgotten about. The timeliness of this training is not lost on me.

How about you?

How are you when unexpected situations come up, or another "thing" is added to your pile?

What's your response?

It takes discipline and practice to put yourself first, especially if you're a female, because caring for others needs seems to be innate. It can take more effort to remember to pause and ensure that you're in your best state to manage yourself first.

Now that we're talking about it, what are your practices...what's in your self-care toolkit?

For me?

• Time walking in nature.

• Intentional breathing.

• Being creative.

Your list may be completely different. The point is that curating your own list is important. Having and practicing those activities regularly so that they're honed and always available whenever you may need them.

I just had a timely reminder of what resilience is and the toolkit I have available to me. Now it's your turn.


Are you ready?

Let's get to it...

Your challenge...


Now it's your turn and the first question is...

• Do you have a self-care toolkit?

  • If the answer's yes...are you utilizing it?

  • If not here's your reminder.

If you don't have a toolkit, no worries, you can get started right now.

• Here are a few simple suggestions:

  • Breathwork you can do anywhere.

  • Time in nature.

  • Good quality sleep.

Small tweaks that add up so you can be centered in the storms when they inevitably come and move forward rather than bounce back.

I see you. I've got your back and...

Remember...

You can only push for so long before your body, your mood, your motivation, and ultimately your health...hit a wall.

Take care of yourself first. Always.

Don't have an oxygen mask? Contact me 

Cheers,

Ann

Are you doing this? Probably not…

What if feelings were data...not facts?

What if your feelings were data, not facts?

It's a mindset shift.

Especially for those of you who would rather push away your feelings. Let's face it, it's usually the less desirable feelings...sadness, anger, vulnerability, guilt...etc. 

We're encouraged to feel the "good" emotions and sometimes to squash the not so desirable ones.

Maybe you can relate?

Me? I blamed my ignorance on my British upbringing, you know, stiff upper lip, all that stuff. Essentially...never allowed to express the undesirable feelings...anger etc. Maybe allowed isn't the right term... it's more like these emotions - the less desirable ones - were not modeled for me. 

I've come a long way.  Being married to an Italian for a very long time has definitely given me a model for expressing feelings and coupled with 10+ years in the coaching world, doing the work, I definitely have a much healthier relationship with my feelings.

How about you? 

What's your relationship with your feelings?

Thankfully there's a lot more literacy when it comes to naming emotions now and children are given a language to label them. 

I remember working with a client a long time ago who was going through a huge change. When we explored how they were feeling about the situation, it started with anger, shifted to scared and eventually...sadness.

It took a little work and identifying the real emotion was what helped them to move through it, because, as you can imagine, working through anger is different than working through sadness.

Understanding what you're feeling...the data...is the first step in order to process it. Naming it  This is what brings it out into the light. It's a skill. That's always good news …because any skill can be learned.

What if rather than treating your feelings as facts, you looked at them as data? Information to be explored.


Are you ready?

Let's get to it...

Your challenge...


Are you in a situation right now where you're feeling  'big" feelings and you're brushing them off? Maybe it's time to sit with them and get curious.

What are you feeling?

There's a lot more literacy now when it comes to naming emotions and you're never too old to learn.

• Learning to name them means that you can process them and move through them.

• It normalizes all of the emotions, not just the selected few you may be comfortable with.

• Look at them with curiosity, rather than avoiding them.

• Know that they're not locked in. It's just information, and when you process them, you can take the information and move forward.

It's a mindset shift.

There's a real freedom in recognizing, feeling and processing all emotions. This is truly what leads to a fully lived life.

Ready to shift your mindset? Contact me 

Cheers,

Ann
*Confidence *Mindset *Performance Coach *Author 

What if feelings were data…not facts?

Have you ever had to take your own advice?

I've recently found myself having to take my own advice.

Yikes...easier said than done!

Specifically, when the frame I always give to people when they're going through a sudden, unexpected change...good or bad is "Everything is temporary" . But now I find myself in a situation where it's not temporary. It's permanent.

Now what?

Suddenly my beliefs and what I "preach" was being put to the ultimate test. I felt disillusioned and disheartened. It kind of knocked me off my feet.

Then...

I had an aha moment when I got out of the shower the other day. I realized I do have an option. My feelings about this situation are changeable. Not now...because I need to be where I am right now. Remembering that feelings are data, not necessarily facts. They're a point in time, subject to change...and I know with time I will adapt. I'll be in a better frame of mind.

How about you?

Have you ever found yourself in a situation you weren't expecting and realized that maybe this is going to be permanent? I'm right beside you...and like I said...it's not about ignoring the feelings you have about the situation...it's acknowledging that with time, and patience, you can change how you feel about it.

• Give yourself some grace.

  • You know...the same grace you give to others that you don't extend to yourself.

• It's a mindset shift, and that can take time.

  • Allow yourself the time.

• Take it step by step.

  • Bite sized pieces are the only way to eat an elephant.

Start fresh every day...because everyday is a clean slate to write on. An opportunity to recalibrate. You can design how you want that day to go and build on it. Repeated regularly, this will lead to the mindset shift.

Hang in there!


Are you ready?

Let's get to it...

Your challenge...


Quite frankly, I don't know if you're ever ready when you're blindsided. 

If you've had the wind knocked out of you...been blindsided...here are some suggestions:

• Before you attempt to get up...

  • Stop.Take a breath.

  • Check for damage, and then ask yourself - What do I need right now?

• Then stand up...

  • Is what you need something you can provide or do you need help from someone else?

• Ask...

  • Because sometimes others have exactly what you need. 

Regardless of whether it's a temporary or permanent situation....take a moment now. Give yourself some grace, patience and time. Acknowledge the feelings and be with them. This is the way forward.

Have you had the wind knocked out of you? Contact me 

Cheers,

Ann

Have you ever had to take your own advice?

"It is what it is"...acceptance or avoidance?

It is what it is.

Acceptance, avoidance, or?

This can sound like defeat, settling, avoidance, and sometimes...acceptance.

A number of years ago I worked with someone who routinely used this statement. It just fell out of their mouth...routinely. It came across as flippant, dismissive, and upon reflection I now realize it was avoidance.

If only I knew then...

Years later, my focus with clients always starts with mindset. The way they describe themselves, others, or situations. The agency they have that they don't recognize.  Where they give their power away or settle. Things that they usually don't notice, initially.

It can be sneaky.

In a recent conversation with a new connection we were laughing about the fact that we were a full foot apart in height.  Of course the person I was speaking with was talking about how long they had wished that they were shorter and me at a strapping 5'1"  on a good day, was lamenting how, for years, all I wanted to be was taller. We had a good laugh. "It is what it is" we decided. Sometimes we truly can't do anything about a situation. 

What does this have to do with mindset?

Most things that we come across we do have some say in...even if, at the very least, it's the ability to choose how we're going to look at something. Our attitude. But when you routinely declare that "it is what it is" you're shutting down the opportunity to influence, take a stance, make change. It can come across as giving up or settling. Not necessarily intentionally and when it's a habit, it can become who you are. 

"It is what it is" sometimes has to be the starting point. If you're blindsided by a situation sometimes that's exactly what it has to be, until you know which direction to put your foot next. 

Used judiciously it's definitely a form of acceptance...overused...it becomes dismissing, avoidant or dare I say a form of throwing in the towel...settling.


What do you think?


Are you ready?

Let's get to it...

Your challenge...

Where in your life right now are you in a particular situation where you've decided "it is what it is"?

Trust that if something came up it's relevant and maybe needs another look.*

Ask yourself:

• Is there a possibility that you've settled for something?

  • Sometimes it just seems easier to suck it up then make the effort.

  • Maybe it's just not worth it.

• Are you handing your power to someone else?

  • Let's face it, sometimes not taking the steering wheel feels like the only option.

  • What's it costing you?

• Is there something you're trying to avoid?

  • There's that saying "what you resist persists"...avoidance is similar.

  • Instead of trying to duck the situation, come face to face with it - maybe that thing is more solveable than you thought.

• Or...upon reflection, is it acceptance?

  • Somethings really are out of your control.

There are no right or wrong answers. Just insights.

Is it more than what it is? Contact me and let's set up your FREE chemistry call.

Cheers,

Ann
*Confidence *Mindset *Performance Coach *Author 
www.steppingstonecoaching.ca

*A disclaimer here: I'm not referring to something that is truly out of your hands and other than your attitude about it, there's really nothing you can do.

“It is what it is”…acceptance or avoidance?

What's your priority?

What's your priority? Notice there's no plural there.

This is going to depend on the day... sometimes the hour. But more than that, it'll depend on where you're at in your life. There are so many factors that can determine what your priority is.

It's no wonder you can lose track.

I'm working on a big project right now. What I've noticed is when I make it my priority, it gets bumped up "the list" and I use the time in my day where I usually focus and prioritize something else... and it's no surprise that when I put it into that slot, when I give it that attention, I get more focus. And flow. And subsequently... more progress.

It takes willpower and it means deprioritizing something else that I think is really important and...it's temporary. Remembering that oftentimes we don't want to prioritize something because it takes away from something else. But when we utilize that premium time in our calendar, it's amazing how much we can get done. The quality of what we get done because we can't be on all the time. We have peaks and valleys in our energy throughout the day.

You may have heard the saying " When everything's a priority...nothing is a priority.

You're only going to have so much bandwidth, so much willpower, so something's gotta give. It's science. Willpower is a skill and a limited resource and it provides the “pull” to keep you going when you're working on a goal. 

When you're focusing on your priority you'll have less willpower to do other things...it's a trade off.

Are you ready?

Let's get to it...

Your challenge...

Short and sweet today because, as I said, I've got a big priority right now and I need to stay focused and energized for it...AND I didn't want to miss a Monday with you!

Do you know what your priority is right now?

• Take this moment now to check-in. It's probably not on your to do list.

• Our to do list can be the distraction that keeps us from our priority.There's such satisfaction in ticking those boxes isn't there?

Once you've identified your priority, you know...the one that's not getting the attention it needs. Ask yourself:

• What can I remove from my list temporarily in order to get this done?

• I think it's the temporary part...the permission part... knowing that you'll go back to your usual routine eventually....something we all crave as creatures of habit...and in the meantime, something else needs more attention.

Remember this:

• Willpower provides the “pull” to keep you going when you're working on a goal and it's a limited resource...so choose wisely.

Ready to figure out your priority? Contact me and let's set up your FREE chemistry call.

Cheers,

Ann
*Confidence *Mindset *Performance Coach *Author 
www.steppingstonecoaching.ca

What’s your priority?