Is it time to let that sh*t go?

What are you hanging on to?

Nature is a natural at letting go, releasing what it doesn’t need anymore. Just take a look around, most trees are now leaf free. There's a whole symbiotic relationship between trees and their leaves.

There're several reasons why deciduous trees lose their leaves**: 

• It means the tree spends less energy through the harsh winter

• It conserves moisture within the trunk and keeps it from drying out

• It allows wind to blow through the branches, putting less strain on the tree

In other words, it becomes more about the tree then the leaves, and the tree naturally lets them go. It’s not personal, it’s survival. Doing what's best for itself.

Then why is it so hard for humans? Mostly because: You’re full of emotions which come into play when you’re making a decision to move forward that's in your best interest.

Why are you hanging on?

Do you have something hanging around in the back of your mind that's holding you back, weighing you down, or getting in the way of building your confidence?

Here are some things that you may want to consider letting go of:
 

• Beliefs.

  • Maybe you have some beliefs that you're hanging on to that aren't actually yours? Think about it, most of your beliefs have been formed through time, starting with your parents, moving to teachers and other early influencers and then, friend groups, professional groups etc. All serve(d) a purpose at one time. Before you listen to that little voice in your head, just make sure it's yours. Other voices can sneak into your head and sound a lot like yours. You can carry a whole choir in there. Pay attention. Is there a belief you've been carrying around that isn't even yours? Let it go...

• Other people's opinions.

  • Are you worrying about what others may be thinking about you and the decisions you're making? Newsflash... they're too busy worrying about their own stuff! As humans we are wired for connection and belonging. It's part of our biology and it feels safe. Going against the pack can feel scary, even if it's for very good reasons. That's why you can put too much importance on what others think. Let that sh*t go!

• Expectations.

  • Maybe it's an expectation you have of yourself? It's easy to cut others some slack, however, when it comes to yourself...often, the bar gets set in a different place, and it's usually higher. It's okay for others to take a break but for some reason this doesn't seem to apply to you. Let go of those unreasonable expectations...

• Fear.

  • Why do you hold onto things despite being miserable or knowing that there's something else better out there for you? FEAR. Because of that reptilian brain of yours, you're more likely to hang onto something because it's familiar. Even when you know letting go of the fear and taking action would open up new opportunities. Your brain likes familiar AND it can hold you back from growing.

By letting something go, you open up space for something else to come in. Maybe something that's been at the back of your mind that you've been ruling out, an idea or a perspective that you haven’t considered in a while or perhaps, it's opening up space to explore something completely new.


Let's get to it...

You're challenge for the next week...

Think of a situation where you're feeling ready to move forward, ready to grow. Ready to test out letting something go. It doesn't have to be something big, just something that's been "niggling" at you and perhaps taking up a little more bandwidth then you'd like it to.

Now consider which of the above scenarios may be at play here:

• Your beliefs.

  • Is it a way of thinking that's getting in your way?

• Other People's Opinions

  • Are you giving too much weight to someone else's opinion?

• Expectations.

  • Are the expectations you're putting on yourself realistic? Are they yours or are you trying to please/impress someone else?

• Fear.

  • Is it worth hanging on to this situation or taking one step to change it?

• Is the cost worth it?

  • Just like the trees and their leaves, there comes a time when the benefit of having or doing something is not worth it anymore. By letting go of this thing, what are you doing for yourself?

Are you ready to let something go? Contact me  You have all of the skills, strengths and capabilities you need. Let’s work together and reconnect you with them!

Stay safe and well.

Cheers,

Ann

** https://forestryandland.gov.scot/

Is it time to let that sh*t go?

You love problems...I know...

What's the problem with talking about your problems?  

Oh do you love talking about your problems!!  Why? Firstly? You're human, and, sometimes, it's more dramatic and interesting to stay there, then to do something about it. This is exactly what keeps you stuck in the problem.

When you focus on the problem, you're still in the problem, and that's not a very useful place to be if you're actually interested in solving it.

When you're in a situation where you have a dilemma, the last thing you need to do is sit with someone else who's gonna help you dig deeper into the issue -you already know what it is, that's been established.  What you might need most, is to step away for a while, to sit somewhere else, to start thinking about solutions. Because you can't solve a problem from within a problem. 

Acknowledging your situation matters, but don't unpack your bags and set up camp there! There's a solution, and having a sounding board, rather than a commiserating committee is going to be a more productive use of your time.

I recently had a conversation with a musician/songwriter and what he said really struck a chord (that pun was not intended!) with me. When he's stuck on the lyrics for a song he's writing (the dilemma) he will often go outside for a walk. The interesting thing?  He said every single time, bar none, he comes up with a lyric that was the right one for his particular song. An example of where walking away from your problem may help provide the solution to it!  When you're moving forward physically, your brain can't help but move forward as well.

Let's get to it...

Your challenge for the next week...

Think about a problem you're dealing with right now:

• Staying in the problem is not where you're gonna find the solutions.

  • Remember a time in the past when you had a similar problem and you were able to solve it. This is a great way to tap into some skills, strengths or capabilities that you used in the past to solve a problem that may be useful in this current situation. Even if it's an entirely different situation, there may be some information there that enlightens you. 

• You need to find the benefit of staying in the problem.

  • Sounds weird, however there's often an underlying benefit to staying in it. Maybe it's the safety of staying with the known versus exploring the unknown. Much like any habit that you continue to do that you don't like, you're getting some kind of benefit out of it.  Don't judge it, get curious here.

• Your problem is a problem, however, there are glimpses of times when it's not.

  • Maybe you got distracted and forgot about it for a moment? Try to focus on those glimpses, those moments when things are going well, and notice: What is it about those moments that makes them go well? What can you tap into that's working for you? Focus on that. If you take the time to focus on when things are going well, you're more likely to start getting the clues to solve your problem.

Are you ready to start looking for solutions? Contact me  You have all of the skills, strengths and capabilities you need. Let’s work together and reconnect you with them!

Stay safe and well.

Cheers,

Ann

You love your problems….I know…

Driver's seat, or shotgun?

Ever called "shotgun!" to claim the front passenger seat in a car? Many people are familiar with the term "riding shotgun".  In modern use, it refers to the practice of sitting alongside the driver in a moving vehicle. The second chair or assistant role. Important for navigation, and maybe some influence on the whole driving experience.

How about the driver's seat? When you say that someone is in the "driver's seat" you're suggesting that they are in control of the situation.

When you're in the driver's seat, you need to focus your attention on looking forward to see where you're going: You have a destination. When you're shotgun, it's less critical that you focus anywhere in particular. You have the freedom to look around and get the lay of the land. There's less responsibility and ultimately, less control, on the outcome of the ride. There are advantages to both of these perspectives.

Shotgun? There's much less participation and accountability. Driver's seat? A much more active role. You have to be alert, know where you want to go, and take the steps to do so. This may mean making a plan, having a map, or maybe having someone ride along with you to help you navigate. 

Is there a situation where you're riding shotgun when you should be in the driver's seat? Just check in. It's okay to ride shotgun sometimes. Being in the passenger seat definitely has its benefits.  It gives you a chance to relax a bit, and, if you stay there too long, you may start to zone out and forget where you're going. On the other hand, being in the driver's seat has many advantages: you get to set your direction, call all of the shots...own your experience fully.

Let's get to it...

Your challenge for the next week...

It's okay to take your hands off the wheel and let someone else drive every now and then. Maybe right now is one of those times for you. Cool.

It's also important to recognize when you've been coasting too long in the passenger seat. 

For this week, check in. Is there a situation where it's time to switch seats? 

Are you ready to get in the driver's seat again? Contact me  You have all of the skills, strengths and capabilities you need. Let’s work together and reconnect you with them!

Stay safe and well.

Cheers,

Ann

Driver’s seat or shotgun?

When you turn the corner...

Remember to take a look back...

So you're over the hump? You got the job, ended the relationship, bought the house or, maybe, you finally had the courage to move on. Before you forget about it, take some time to reflect.  It's so easy to move forward and quickly lose the opportunity to gain some useful information about yourself.

As you take some time to reflect, here are some things to notice about yourself  that you may find useful:

• What behaviours did you do that lead you to turn the corner? 

  • Take some time to really notice from the beginning of the situation, until the moment that you made the decision to do something about it: How were you behaving?

• What skills, strengths, or capabilities did you draw on to reach this point?

  •  Seeing other people's skills and strengths is quite easy; they're as plain as day to you.  It's easy to miss your own, and that's why this self-reflection exercise is useful. Really be honest with yourself.

• Notice what actions you took.

  • They say that nothing changes, if nothing changes, in this case...you!  So notice, what did you do that moved the needle forward here? It might have been something subtle, or it could have been one of those AHA moments that propelled you forward.  Find out.

• What did you believe about yourself or maybe the situation itself, that drove you to do those actions?
  

  • Maybe not obvious (and this is why you're doing this reflection!).  Check in here. Your beliefs are there to limit you. They tend to set boundaries for what you’re open to, and, when they shift, they can allow something different in. What happened here?

• Who were you being when you did this?

  • This isn't a woo woo question! Maybe you were being your teenaged self, the one who took risks and didn't worry about what others thought. Or, maybe you were reminded of a previous time in your life when you took a leap, or made a big decision. Whatever comes to mind here, it's not uncommon to lose track of who you can be. 

Okay. Now that you've reflected on this event that happened. What's different when you think about it?  Allow something to float into your mind.

Let's get to it...

Your challenge for the next week...

When you're faced with a situation where you feel like you're ready to finally "turn the corner":

• Check in with how you're currently behaving. What could you be doing differently?

• Remember that you have a plethora of skills, strengths and capabilities. Find at least one to tap into.

• Take action. Enough said here.

• What do you believe is possible for you in this situation?

• How are you going to be?  Reacquaint yourself with the version of yourself that maybe you've lost track of...they're still there!

Are you ready to turn the corner? Contact me  You have all of the skills, strengths and capabilities you need. Let’s work together and reconnect you with them!

Stay safe and well.

Cheers,

Ann

When you turn the corner…remember to take a look back.

Have you been thrown a curveball?

Things don't always go as planned, that's for sure.  Life's going to throw you some curve balls, it's what you do next that counts.  Sounds sooo easy when you read it, doesn't it.  Just deal.

After not quite two weeks since my wrist injury, I am appreciating that life's most valuable lessons aren't going to be in a video or podcast. Nope, they're often presented as unexpected curveballs.  So here's the learning so far...in no particular order, and honouring the fact that although my two finger typing is improving, this is going to be brief!  Take from this what you need in a current situation you may be facing.  Curveballs come in many different shapes and sizes.


Things to accept:

• Your gonna need help (yikes). Ask for it.  Not something many of you may be used to. Receive it with gratitude.

• Letting go of control and the way it's supposed to be, because, at least for now, it's not.  

• Doing one thing at a time. Surprisingly difficult!

Things to learn:

• When you're feeling shitty, don't unpack your bags and live there, pick yourself up, take the next best step and keep going.

• It really does make a difference when you realize you're working towards something and, it's going to get better.  

• Although you may not like asking for help...people really do love to help!

Looking ahead:

• Curveballs are there to knock you off your feet, sometimes literally, and they're a way to redirect you.

• They aren't permanent but the lessons you learn can be.

• When you reflect on your situation, in time, you're going to understand why it happened and possibly, be glad it did.

Let's get to it...

Your challenge for the next week...

Are you dealing with the aftermath of a curveball?

• What can you accept about it?

• Where's the lesson for you moving forward?

• What if you look forward six months or so...what might you be seeing then?

As you recover, remember: No matter what you're working on, it's not going to happen overnight, it's going to happen over time. Maybe read that again.

Want to build your confidence? Contact me  You have all of the skills, strengths and capabilities you need. Let’s work together and reconnect you with them!

Stay safe and well.

Cheers,

Ann

Have you been thrown a curveball?

Did you fall down?

It happens. One minute you're on your feet, feeling good, doing your thing, and then whoosh...

I recently had a real fall that landed me with a broken radius and a whole lotta of learning; some painful, literally and figuratively. I couldn't help but see the parallels between a physical fall and a metaphorical fall and the relationship with building your confidence. This is going to be short and to the point. Two finger typing takes skill!!
 

When you fall down, what matters most is what you do next.

So you tried that thing and it didn't go so well. What now?

• Take a breath, maybe look around at your surroundings and assess the situation. It usually isn't as bad as you think it is.

• Shake it off. Everyone messes up when they're trying a new skill. Cut yourself some slack.

• Look back at what happened. What went wrong? What's one small tweak you could make for next time?

• Do it again!

Confidence is a skill, it's not a personality trait or something you're born with. That's good news! Like any other skill, with practice, over time, you'll get better and better at that thing you're working on. You'll wake up one day and realize that you're just doing that thing, without even thinking about it anymore.  Kind of like walking. 

Are you willing to give it a try?

Let's get to it...

Your challenge for the next week...
 

If you're building your confidence in one particular skill set, in addition to the tips above, it's often useful to remind yourself of a time in the past when you did something new.  Going back to a real experience and taking the learnings from it can build your confidence for the new situation.  It's a great reminder that you can do new things. You've built your confidence before, you can do it again!

Want to build your confidence? Contact me  You have all of the skills, strengths and capabilities you need. Let’s work together and reconnect you with them!

Stay safe and well.

Cheers,

Ann

Did you fall down?

What the f**k?!

Now that I have your attention, let’s talk language, words. The way you use them by habit, and then really look at how being more conscious of this, can change your world and how you see things.

Language and the words you choose. I say choose however, you probably don’t give much thought to this. When you begin to pay attention to your words, you won’t be able to help yourself. The more you focus on how you describe yourself, others and situations, the more you’ll realize you’re painting a picture of your world.

Like what you’re seeing? Wonderful. Not exactly what you were hoping for? Good news here…you’re the one who has the power to change this and the more you practice, the easier it gets.

Here’s some food for thought as you move through this week…

Is it a grind or is it hard work?

Ever worked with another team and dreaded it? Maybe you described it as a “real battle” and every time you left a meeting with them, guess what, it did feel like a real battle. Imagine for a moment, what could be different if you substituted “real battle” with “real adventure”?  There’s still enough energy in it to suggest that there’s effort required, however, an adventure becomes more playful. Still a challenge perhaps, but more of a “we’re doing this together” feeling than a confrontational feel.  Funny how changing just one word can completely shift what meaning you put on a difficult situation.

Are you sticking it out or making it work?

Life can get complicated sometimes and so can your relationships. When you’re “sticking it out” it can isolate you and make the situation feel like a chore. That’s definitely not a recipe for success. When you’re making it work? It immediately shifts to a “we’re in this together“ vibe.

Are they “difficult” or diligent?

One word can change the entire way you perceive someone. Do you use words like “she’s so difficult” or “he’s stubborn” – what does that do for you?  It probably doesn’t foster warm and fuzzy feelings for that person.  What if, instead of being “difficult” she was actually being diligent, or instead of him being “stubborn” he was passionate about getting it right? What shift could you make in your language to change your perspective? When you’re describing an acquaintance, friend or co-worker in your life notice how you describe that person.  It matters.

One word can make a world of difference.

Probably most important...the language you use when it comes to YOU.  What's your self-talk like?  Is it kind and compassionate or are you always putting yourself down?  When you start to pay attention to how you talk about yourself to others, and maybe more importantly, how you talk to yourself in your head, it is so powerful. 

Changing negative self-talk is a big first step to moving ahead to a more positive outlook.  Easier said than done you may think and, with practice you can change your negative self-talk to positive.  How? Step one is to simply notice. Yep, just notice what you’re thinking in your head or how you describe yourself to others. When you first start consciously noticing you may not recognize things in the moment.  However, gradually you will find that the noticing gets to be in the moment and that’s when a shift can occur.

Are you willing to give it a try?

Let's get to it...

Your challenge for the next week...
 

Pick one situation from the examples provided: work, a relationship, or your own self-talk.

• Really pay attention to the words you are using to describe the person, team or yourself.

• Notice.

• Start thinking of how you would like to feel about the person, team or yourself and replace the current word you use to describe them or yourself with a different, more positive word.

• See what changes …

Want to change your self-talk? Contact me  You have all of the skills, strengths and capabilities you need. Let’s work together and reconnect you with them!

Stay safe and well.

Cheers,

Ann

What the F**K? Your words matter…

Is it about courage, or confidence?

They say that confidence comes with doing, however, you need to have enough courage to have the confidence to do that thing....it's a kind of 'chicken or egg' scenario...you know, which one comes first?

Let's say you want to apply for a more senior, challenging role. Deep inside, you know you can do it, yet you’re hesitant. Maybe you tell yourself  “I'll wait just a little longer, do a few more things, and then I'll be ready, then I'll apply". 

What ends up happening? You get stuck in a loop of doing more and more, trying to build the confidence...just one more course, video, book... and then? You eventually: get enough courage to do that thing; or, somehow, you never quite get around to doing that thing you wanted to do.

Sound familiar?

I can pretty much guarantee that you’re NOT alone! You can exhale now. You’re normal! No matter who you are, every now and then, you're going lose your confidence.

Not what you thought you’d read? Let me say it again…You’re Normal.

Exhale.

No one has it all figured out…so what makes you think you have to have it all figured out?

No one is confident 100% of the time…so what makes you think you’re going to be confident all of the time?

You’re human. Full stop.

Even the high profile, “have your shit together professionals”? Human. And, because of this - spoiler alert - you’re going to feel all of the human emotions that come up in life. All of them, including the uncomfortable ones.

Losing track of your confidence? Not seeing your choices, or recognizing your value and what you bring to the table? Getting caught up in other people’s opinions of you? I’m sure you could add a few of your own to the list…

You’re not alone!

Even the most powerful, high level, badass professionals experience these feelings from time to time. This is universal. Absolutely no one escapes this. Sorry.

Having those feelings from time to time IS normal. Staying in those feelings is optional.

What can you do?

Are you willing to give it a try?

Let's get to it...

Your challenge for the next week...

Is this you? 

• You're working to build your confidence, thinking that when "you have enough" (experience, credentials, etc.), you'll have the courage to get out there to do “that thing”, that you've been meaning to do.

Maybe it's time to flip the whole thing around?

• What if you, gather the courage first and put that thing out there? It's risky for sure, it means you're probably not going to do it perfectly. However, you will learn and build your confidence.  

Let's take that role that you're hesitating about. What if you did apply for it? By taking the time to prepare for an interview, you're building the skills and the confidence.  When you focus on the courage to take a chance, you may discover that you have exactly what it takes, or, you may discover some gaps to be filled.  Either way, you'll know where you stand and you’ll move ahead. This is faster than waiting and waiting to build confidence until...

Ready to take a step? Contact me  You have all of the skills, strengths and capabilities you need. Let’s work together and reconnect you with them!

Stay safe and well.

Cheers,

Ann

Is it about courage, or confidence?

Can we talk?

It's about this fear thing...

I know, I bring up the subject of fear...a lot, and there's a really good reason for it.  It comes up a lot with clients for sure and full disclosure, for me too.  Just the other day, I turned down an opportunity to speak at an event. Why?  I told myself, and the person who wanted me to speak, that I didn't have the specific "thing" they were looking for. They felt otherwise, but there was no convincing me. Ten minutes later, as I'm driving to my next appointment, I thought: What the actual F**k?!  You can totally do this thing.  So I promptly called them back and said...sign me up.*

I share this with you because, I get it.   Everything I share with you, is because I usually know it firsthand. It feels very vulnerable to say that I don't have it all figured out, and who the heck am I kidding!? No one has it all figured out!  

So lets dig a little into why this FEAR thing is such a big deal, for everyone, at some point in their lives.

There are many different reasons to feel fear, today's focus is on the three that often get in the way of trying something new.

• The fear of FAILURE.

  • Are you familiar with this one? It's a big one, especially when you're ready to push the edges of your comfort zone.

• The fear of being JUDGED.

  • Maybe you have a history of perfectionism or high expectations, or have been criticized in the past for not doing it "right".

• The fear of NOT BEING GOOD ENOUGH.

  • You don't know enough, haven't taken enough courses, done enough time etc. 

All of these can keep you from realizing your highest potential, and that's not why you were put on this earth, to play small!
 

Are you willing to give it a try?

Let's get to it...

Your challenge for the next week...

What's one thing you've been itching to do and fear has been standing in your way? Here's some food for thought:

• Trying something new?

  • FAILURE is usually inevitable. It's a part of the learning process.  The goal here? Fail fast so you can keep learning and growing.  

  • Recall a time in the past when you were starting something new that's now routine for you. What can that experience teach you?

• Afraid of being judged?

  • It takes courage. Perhaps you're learning a new skill, have decided to take a new career path, or deviate from the status quo...it can feel risky to put yourself out there.

  • How much weight are you putting on what others think?  In the long run, does it even matter?

• Fear of not being good enough?

  • The harshest critic you're likely to run into is YOU. Let go of the expectation of perfection and be more willing to have a beginner's mind.

  • "Good enough" is exactly that...enough. Not perfect.

Most people regret what they didn't do: not taking chances, playing it safe.  You've got to be prepared to skin your knees and get a bit muddy, and know that it's totally worth it!

Just so you know, fear's never going away. Damn that biology!  Learning to manage your response to it, is the key to continuing to live a life rich with growth and adventure. Be kind to yourself. 

Are you ready to tap into YOUR confidence so you can outsmart your fear? Contact me  Let's get you clear on YOUR skills, strengths and capabilities so you can be the confident person you were born to be!

Stay safe and well.

Cheers,

Ann

*If you want to know the end of the story you'll have to reach out!

Can we talk?

Is your belief greater than your fear?

It matters.

When you believe that something is possible for you, then all of a sudden, it becomes more probable. It starts with that grain of belief in what you want, and ultimately, in yourself.

The truth of the matter is, you have everything you need; all of the skills, strengths and capabilities, they're there. Sometimes it's easy to lose track of them. Losing track of them doesn't mean they don't exist anymore, it means they're not "on the tip of your tongue" so to speak. You know that feeling?  When you're trying to remember the name of that song or movie?  Except it's not the tip of your tongue at all, it's really in the data centre that you call your brain.  Every lived experience you've ever had is stored somewhere in those archives.  I know, incredible.  Sometimes all it takes is a song on the radio, or a smell coming from a restaurant, to take you right back to an experience. It can be that quick.

So how do you access experiences that are useful, right here and now? Hmmm...that's my job. To illuminate those strengths and skills and capabilities of yours so you can tap into them and find the confidence, or whatever else you may be looking for, to take the first step.

Your belief has to be greater than your fear. I know, there's that word again, fear. You have to truly believe in yourself and what you want, more than you believe that reptilian brain of yours. It's going to tell you that you don't know enough, you're not smart enough, you're too old, too young, the timing won't work etc.  And it's a lie.  A normal feeling for sure, and it's a lie.  But keeping you alive and functioning is more tricky for your brain when you want to do something different. Dumb? Yes.  But knowing this can be your secret weapon!  When you know how to outsmart your brain, then you can get on with things!  Does that sound good to you?



Are you willing to give it a try?

Let's get to it...

Your challenge for the next week...

Tips to outsmart your biology:

• Don't overthink it - instead take the first step and see what happens.

  • When you take a small step, you can always go back. OR,

  • You may realize you like where you're heading, so you can take another small step.

• Call out your fear - maybe it sounds a little silly AND it works - you can say out loud - oh that's my reptilian brain trying to protect me. 

  • This interrupts the circuit of fear for a few moments to let you take action.

• Action - I can't say enough about the power of taking action.  Most times you'll end up asking yourself "What took me so long"?

Just so you know, you may never feel like you're completely ready, but the belief that something's possible, and the willingness to start with one step, is how it starts.

If you truly believe in yourself and what you want, more than you believe that reptilian brain of yours, then you're already headed in the right direction.

Want to tap into YOUR confidence so you can get what you want? Contact me  Let's get you clear on YOUR skills, strengths and capabilities so you can be the confident person you were born to be!

Stay safe and well.

Cheers,

Ann

Is your belief greater than your fear?