I said yes...and now...

…I'm losing my sh*t a little...

You'd think that someone who makes their living as a "Confidence" Coach would never feel nervous.

Well... you'd be wrong!  I am human after all...

In my last blog I talked about saying yes and not avoiding opportunities because of fear.  I also mentioned that I'm practicing saying yes and then figuring it out...What the heck was I thinking??!!

I have an event coming up on the weekend and the feeling I'm getting in my chest and stomach is REAL! And...I know despite those feelings, I'm going to be fine.  Although it certainly doesn't feel that way right now!

How does it feel right now? Freaking Scary!

How about you?  Have you ever said yes to something and then had all the very REAL feelings that may go with it? For me it's my chest and stomach, maybe for you, it's somewhere else?

I want to let you know that this is completely normal and it doesn't go away...EVER. That's not to say that you don't learn ways to manage it and lessen some of the physical sensations and mental chatter, it just becomes a part of the process. The process you're gonna have to become friends with if living a life that's fulfilling and exciting matters to you.

For you? Maybe it's not about being in front of an audience and I'm guessing that something came to mind where you too get the wiggly stomach and chest.  Whatever the case may be, it's about not settling for less because your amygdala wants to run the show.  There ARE things we can do to manage this and do the things we want to do.

Are you ready?

Let’s get to it…

Your challenge…

You said yes...bravo!  Now what? How do you manage all of those very REAL sensations that are going to come up for you?

• Acknowledge.

  • Trying to run away from how you're feeling pretty much works NEVER. Acknowledge how you're feeling. Really notice where in your body any sensations may be coming up.

• Identify.

  • Once you've acknowledged how you're feeling, in my case, I call it a "wiggly" stomach and chest. - label it. Maybe it's nervous. Take a few minutes now to do this.

• Question.

  • I like to ask myself, based on these physical sensations, what else could this be? Let yourself get quiet and wait. When I'm nervous the sensations are almost exactly like the sensations I get when I'm excited. 

  • Take the answer you get from the question above and ask yourself "What if I was xxx instead"?  In my case, what if I was excited instead of nervous? 

• Notice.
  

  • What happens when you change what the physical sensations mean? All of a sudden you have another option.

Trust yourself, you're smarter, more prepared, and ready than you think!

I'm a few steps ahead of you, shining some light on the breadcrumb trail for you... Contact me  

Warmly,
Ann

I said yes…and now…

Say yes! Before you overthink it...

I'm 100%, in full agreement of saying no so you leave space for the things that you want and that really matter and...

...this blog focuses on when saying yes is useful and saying no is not in your best interest...where saying no is avoidance
In my case...pretty much always due to fear.  

About a year ago I had a voicemail on my phone asking me if I would consider presenting at a business event…one that probably would’ve put me in front of a roomful of my ideal clients by the way. As I listened to the voicemail, the commentary in my head started and it went something like this:

• You don't know enough.

• It's not the right time.

• What if your technology fails?

• They've made a mistake...

The commentary was so loud and convincing that by the time I was on the phone speaking to the organizer of the event, I’d already rejected the opportunity and had someone to refer them to as well. They spent the entire call trying to convince me why I was the right person and I spent the call convincing them otherwise.

As soon as I got in my car to head out to an appointment and the amygdala/hippocampus discussion going on in my head had settled down, I realized holy s*** of course I can do this! Of course, I can! I promptly called the event organizer letting them know that I could totally do it.  By the time I arrived at my appointment and sat to wait I put together a draft for the whole event and I did it within 5 minutes so clearly...I could do it!

Then I get the message back...time was of the essence for them... I had given them a great referral and they hired them. Ouch.

I shake my head now when I think about this… our biggest lessons are sometimes painful, and that was a lesson for sure.

Can you relate?  Maybe you have a similar story to tell?


Here's what I walked away with:

Before you (as in ME!)  say no, take a breath and consider the following:

• You're never going to feel 100% ready.

• What does this person see in you that you may be blind to?

• You're not gonna get any better at what you're doing until you say yes to these opportunities.

• Trust that you know way more than you think you do.

Are you ready?

Let’s get to it…

Your challenge…

What have you been avoiding because you're afraid or feel unprepared, not experienced enough, or whatever is stopping you and compelling you to say no? 

Here's what's been helpful for me and I hope will also be helpful to you too. Reflect on this:

• What if you do know enough?

  • You're never going to feel a hundred percent ready.

• You're not gonna get any better at what you're doing until you say yes to these opportunities.

  • Often you're the last one to recognize your own competence.

• Stop arguing against yourself, for your limitations.

  • When someone sees something in you that they think would be useful obviously there's a reason.

• Say yes!!

  • I'm happy to report that since this "incident," I've returned to my "say yes and figure it out" motto.

So how about it? What if you say yes? What could be possible for you?

I'm a few steps ahead of you, shining some light on the breadcrumb trail for you... Contact me  Let's play a bit in the muck!

Warmly,
Ann

Why work with me?  If you're looking at growing your confidence (or any other skill)... and you want to work with somebody who gets it, who's still on the path...I'm your person! Contact me  Plus we'll have a lot of fun too!

Say yes! Before you overthink it…

Psssst...Is it time to take off your mask?

I'll go first!

I've been doing a lot of work over the last four months with an incredible coach and it's been game-changing. Game-changing for me in terms of how I'm showing up. I'm so excited to finally be reconnecting with myself and being more of myself in my writing so that you can see who I really am. Warts and all!

I'm feisty and energetic, I can see b*******  and I will call it out... and on the flip side of that? I'm gentle. I'm kind. I'm empathetic and I love seeing you step into the biggest, boldest version of yourself.

All of that. 

I can be all of that and be professional…

I'll never forget what now is a funny recollection of some feedback I received several years ago.  As part of my development,  I was working with a director in another department of my organization. We couldn't have been more opposite. In my mind, they came across as a little stiff and serious and well me...I was being me.  When we provided feedback to each other during the project it was quite interesting. They thought I was too casual in some of my presentations and I told them that they could loosen up and be more of themselves.  I see now that we were both projecting ourselves on each other.  I took it very seriously at the time and it actually hindered my performance, until someone pulled me aside and gave me some perspective...I was stifling the very thing that made people resonate with me. My realness! 

How about you? 

Who are you? How would you describe yourself? What are the parts of you you're hiding that may be the key to connecting more deeply with others? Yes, time and place...I wholeheartedly acknowledge this and...I'm willing to bet that there are probably more opportunities than you think to be more of yourself. Loosen up a little.

What are you stifling that's ready to be seen?

Are you ready?

Let's get to it...

Your challenge...

Take some time now to consider the following without overthinking...

• How would you describe yourself, the you that you naturally are and feel at ease with?
  

  • Pick three or four of the top attributes that came up for you.

• How often do the attributes you noted show up in your interactions with people you work with or for?
  

  • Notice. Is your response surprising?

• What are the parts of you that you're hiding that may be the key to connecting more deeply with others?
  

  • It’s your humanness that makes you a better leader, colleague...a better you. Don't hide that! Celebrate it.

Let's be clear here... people resonate with real people. People they can see themselves in. I’m here to be your mirror, your perfectly imperfect, real, human model.

I’ll show up with my humanity and keep your best interests at heart because your results are my first priority! We can have fun and get you serious results.

Are you ready to start lifting your mask a little? It’s safe here. Contact me  I know that showing my humanity gives you permission to do the same. That’s big.

Warmly,
Ann

Psssst…is it time to take off your mask?

Stop taking yourself so seriously.

Seriously…

I can't tell you the last time I felt so inspired to put a blog out.  

When I first started writing blogs, about eight years ago, I would get a "bubbling" in my chest and pour out my ideas pretty much as is, no filter, and send them out into the ether. They came from my heart and I didn't worry about what people might think. I knew they would resonate with those people who were looking for real and authentic content. Somewhere along the way, I don't know exactly when, I started to feel that this wasn't "appropriate" and I started to conform to what I thought others would approve of...Until today.

This past weekend I put out a video of a blooper of one of my Confidence Tip Tuesday videos**.  This is something I never would have done in the past because I didn't want anyone to think that I didn't know what the heck I was doing...the idea that I've got my s*** together... which, let's face it, none of us do! It made me laugh because being able to take myself more "lightly" was liberating. So freeing.

This is my post today... my blog for you!

What I'm discovering more and more is that confidence is the willingness to show up as yourself, perfectly imperfect.

In my world, confidence:

• Is a mindset.

• Doesn't mean having it all figured out.

• Means that you're willing to feel fear and be brave enough to take a step anyway.

• Means trusting yourself and your instincts and being okay with being wrong sometimes.

How about you?

What's your definition or experience of being confident?

Generally, I've always been pretty guarded about showing myself as anything less than professional.  Primarily because I had the cloud of "what will they think" looming over my head. I'm learning that being "professional" is being human.  What a concept.

I'm doing the work to become more myself and I'm discovering that I can be pretty silly. This doesn't mean I'm not competent at what I do, it just means I'm human. If you're a leader and you're reading this, I want to tell you hands down, people want to see your humanity.  They don't want perfection, they want real.  The best boss (besides myself!) I ever had  - shout out to Sarah - showed up in a real human way and she was so respected for that. It was her example that allowed us to be human too, so just a tip, when you're leading people, they don't want to see your perfection...they want to see your humanity.

Are you ready?

Let’s get to it…

Your challenge…

Consider the following:

• Where are you taking yourself way too seriously?

  • There's a time and place for sure. Assess. 

• Is it really that important to worry about perfection and what people are going to think?

  • People love your humanity, it gives them permission to be human too.

• People want to see more of who you are.

  • Again. Time and place. And...I'm going to wager that there are plenty of times you could let your guard down. Start noticing.

I'm finding my footing again. So you're gonna see more of me.  Real. Authentic. Silly. Maybe messy at times. Kinda like I am in person. That's my goal. This is who I am and it is my hope that by modeling this you'll reconnect with your real, authentic not so serious self.

I'm a few steps ahead of you, shining some light on the breadcrumb trail for you... Contact me  Let's play a bit in the muck!

Warmly,
Ann

Stop taking yourself so seriously. Seriously…

Hang on! What's the hurry?

What's the hurry to "get there"? Check-in. Have you ever found yourself saying: As soon as I figure this out I'll...Or then I'll do that.  I just want to *you fill in the blank* and then I can... 

You act as if when you get something figured out then everything else will be great.  Here's a news flash for you...it's not necessarily true! It's actually the process that provides the satisfaction. Not the trophy.

Patience is underrated especially when you’re growing a skill.

Why are we less likely to be patient when we're trying to learn a new skill? 

• Learning something new can be awkward.

• We want to skip the discomfort of being "new" at something. 

• Our brains want us to stay as we are so they fight change and that can make being patient a challenge.

• We underestimate the power of small consistent steps when it comes to gaining expertise.

Here's some food for thought: Have you ever considered that rushing through slows you down? 

How?

• When you're rushing through you're more likely to miss the small details, the low-hanging fruit. The information that's just out there, right beyond your grasp. All of that information that's always around you that you're not noticing because you're in such a hurry to "get it done"!

Impatience. Why are we impatient to get to the finish line?  My guess (and full disclosure here, my own personal experience) is to avoid the discomfort of learning something and not being good at it yet.  That sometimes flailing feeling when you're not competent at something and you really want to be. The "in-between" time, you know...the messy middle where you're practicing and failing and tripping over your own feet..until you're not. That feeling.

When you don't know something and you're trying to learn, your brain is trying to point back toward the status quo. It's real. It wants you to stay the way you are...keep being predictable. That in and of itself is a challenge.

I don't know about you but I like to know things and when I'm learning and not where I wanna be, it feels really frustrating and sometimes, a little scary.

The power of patience. What's the value of taking a breath to consider all options, all angles and not simply acting in haste to get to the end, to get to the finish line?

Are you ready?

Let’s get to it…

Your challenge…

If you're in the midst of learning a new skill. No matter what it may be, take a pause to do some reflecting.  It's easy to forget what it's like to learn something new and you can underestimate the time it took.  Sometimes it’s useful to think about a skill you're already proficient at.  Maybe it's making great espresso, riding a bike, doing the perfect backflip, or active listening, something that you do without much thought now.

Think back and reflect on the process you went through to get there. All the steps you had to take. The failures and setbacks. All of it. Reaching your goals gives you a chance to notice the patterns that emerge when you’re working hard towards something you want. Noticing the things that got you stuck, and what skills or resources you drew upon to get going again.

At some point, you started with an endpoint in mind, something you wanted. You didn’t have to know every step, it started with the first one. It was all about setting the wheels in motion and, as you continued to take steps, maybe you even had some patience.

Every expert, without exception, started out as a beginner.  There may be some shortcuts however, there are still going to be times when you're simply not going to know and you're going to have to be patient and put in the time.

Deciding to make a change or grow a new skill is acknowledging you're willing to be "bad" at something before you get "good" at it. This is something that's not necessarily comfortable however when you want to continue to learn and grow, it's necessary.  Putting yourself out there and trying new things, asking questions fumbling, and getting back up again. Showing yourself grace and patience. 

I'm a few steps ahead of you, shining some light on the breadcrumb trail for you... Contact me  Let's play a bit in the muck!

Warmly,
Ann

Hang on! What’s the hurry?

Time to dig deep...let's talk beliefs...

While letting go of unrealistic expectations and judgement is key to growing a skill, there's another, often sneaky, perhaps surprising thing to consider.

Time to dig deep here...let's talk beliefs. When it comes to letting go...this one's a doozy.

Beliefs. How deep are your beliefs? Very. The thing about beliefs is, we tend to categorize them. We say that some beliefs are good, or bad, or there are "limiting beliefs".  The fact of the matter is all beliefs are limiting...good, bad, or otherwise.  Maybe read that again. That's their job. They act as filters to your world and that's pretty useful, you need to have something to believe in and follow.  They tend to narrow your perspective and keep some information out, usually information that doesn't support them, they're sneaky that way.

We usually don't question them unless we come to a crossroads, perhaps where the beliefs that we have are bumping up against something that we want. That's usually when the questioning begins. This can feel really uncomfortable because if you believed in something, a concept, or an idea and all of a sudden you're questioning it, it can be really confronting.

Beliefs create stability for us, they form our foundation. Your beliefs have been planted over time right from the minute you entered this world, planted...not vicariously but they're planted, sometimes unconsciously by your environment or the early models you had in your life. As humans, we adapt. If you want to be part of the club you have to assimilate and that's useful for sure. This is not about throwing all your beliefs out the window rather, start noticing which are the ones that aren't useful when you're embarking on something new. Growth and change are going to rattle those beliefs sometimes and that's the time to ask yourself: Is this belief still useful for me? Listen to the whisper.

For example, if your belief is that it's your job to "keep the peace", then "rocking the boat" for your growth is going to feel super uncomfortable.

What can help here?

Find the benefit.

There's always a benefit to doing something over time. 

In this instance? There probably was a time when, due to the circumstances, you thought it was your job to keep everyone happy at home. This automatically spilled over to your friendships, romantic relationships, work, etc.  The benefit to you? You were accepted because you were easy to be around. You did whatever it took to make things smooth and easy for everyone else. Ultimately you received the approval that we as human beings seek and desire because of our tribal feeling of needing to belong.

At what cost?

Oh, there's a cost.

Keeping the peace means you're never fully being yourself. You're always on guard, watching for the reaction of others and ignoring your own needs, and boundaries? Ummm...nil. Not even on the radar screen for you. This belief created a certain behaviour over time.  The lines got really blurry about whose job was whose. Peacekeeping.  If your belief is that your job is to 'keep the peace' the question you might want to ask yourself is "Whose peace am I keeping"?

Are you ready?

Let’s get to it…

Your challenge…

If you're wondering how this relates to growing a skill, let's keep on pulling that thread of the belief that you have to keep the peace. 

Keeping the peace means you're less likely to ask the tough questions because "rocking the boat" may be controversial. However, when you're learning a new skill it's necessary to get curious and ask questions and want to know more and maybe push some boundaries. Poke at what you're being taught.
If you're too concerned with keeping the peace it's going to get in the way of you growing that new skill.

If keeping the peace doesn't resonate for you then insert your own current belief that you're bumping up against and get curious about it.  Dig deep. Beliefs don't have to be carved in stone, you're growing and learning all of the time. Find the benefits then notice the costs. Is it still worth holding on to?

When a belief becomes a roadblock to your desired growth, maybe it's time to let it go.

I'm a few steps ahead of you, shining some light on the breadcrumb trail for you... Contact me  Let's play a bit in the muck!

Warmly,
Ann

Time to dig deep…let’s talk beliefs…

And the toughest judge is...YOU!

How are you doing with letting go? This is so tricky to master and when you do, so liberating. 

A couple of weeks* ago we looked at four things that can stand in the way of you growing a new skill.  Things that you need to let go of in order to move forward.  Turns out that letting go is a skill all by itself!

These are the things that came up.

• Judgement

• Expectations

• Beliefs

• Impatience

After I did my little informal survey l received a couple of messages about the other strong culprit that you can have a hard time letting go of.  Drum roll please... judgement ooh, so relatable that I wanted to give this some air time too. Judgement and unrealistic expectations are so closely intertwined.

Judgement.

Worrying about what others may be thinking about you and what you're up to. Putting too much importance on what others think is natural, as humans we like our tribe and we want to stay connected to them. It's part of our DNA.

In long-ago times, what your tribe thought about you and what you were up to was critical to your survival. If you were ousted, it meant certain death, probably via sabre-tooth tiger. Yikes! That's no longer true at all and yet it can still feel that way. Hence the reason we put so much weight on what others may be thinking about what we're doing.

Worrying too much about others' opinions, essentially seeking the approval of others, can lead to self-doubt. Who has time for that!!?  Especially considering that others are doing the same thing you're doing. They're worried about you judging them too! So they're not particularly paying attention to where you're at at all. Seriously.

But what's the harshest judgement you'll probably come up against? Yours.  

You're biased. You're too close to your situation and you probably have unrealistic expectations and maybe some old beliefs that aren't true anymore.


As a reminder, realistic expectations happen when:

• You start with a plan.

• You start where YOU are.

• You ask for help.

• You take time to look back and reflect on your progress.

All of those elements help manage expectations and you know what else they're going to do? They're going to help you with the judgement that comes up because when your expectations are more realistic, your judgement can decrease.



Are you ready?

Let’s get to it…

Your challenge…

How do you let go of your judgement when you're learning a new skill?

• Let's talk about self-judgement.

  • Most people are harder on themselves than anyone else ever would be. Next time you're coming down on yourself for not being as far along as you think you should be, try this: Imagine that you have a really good friend going through the same situation. What would you say to them? 

• Reflection.

  • As with expectations, it's important to reflect as you go along and check in. If you notice you're starting to say "I shoulda, woulda, coulda." Stop. Ask yourself. Am I being realistic?

• When it comes to judgement, instead of beating yourself up, ask for feedback.

  •  Ask someone who's been there but is just a few steps ahead of you to give you feedback. Be careful who you ask.  Remember that your friends aren't always your truth-tellers and your truth-tellers aren't always your friends. This is where a trusted mentor can be really useful.

• Normalize self-compassion and patience.

  • Have a realistic benchmark. Social media exaggerates progress and achievement. That's not the real world. Find somebody who you can model who's doing what you're aspiring to do and connect with them.

Remember that discomfort comes with newness. It's part of the learning process. You've got this!

I'm a few steps ahead of you, shining some light on the breadcrumb trail for you... Contact me  Let's play a bit in the muck!

Warmly,
Ann

And the toughest judge is…You!

How's that grip? Letting go is a skill too!

You've embarked on learning a new skill, congratulations! It's exciting to have a goal, you set off with great intentions and then it gets difficult.  It's normal to want to jump to the end...the part where you have it all figured out. Tick that box. Move forward. Wouldn't that be nice? You could avoid all of those uncomfortable feelings of being a beginner again and automatically be an expert. Not how it works at all.

What behaviour or idea do you have a hard time letting go of when you're learning a new skill? Letting go is also a skill!

Last week* we looked at four things that can stand in the way of you growing a new skill.  Things that you need to let go of in order to move forward.

• Judgement

• Expectations

• Beliefs

• Impatience

When I did a little informal survey this past weekend, 80% of the respondents said that it was their expectations that were the hardest to let go of when it came to growing a new skill.

Expectations.

"You have to get it right! What's taking so long? You should have this figured out already."  It's easy to cut others some slack, however, when it comes to yourself... the bar is higher. It's okay for others to mess up and take their time acquiring new skills but not you. 

Here's the thing, expectations are not bad.  It's the unrealistic expectations that you have that cause trouble and these are what you need to let go of.

What unrealistic expectations?

• Hanging on to the idea that things must be a certain way, and occur within a certain time.

• Trying to measure up to someone else.

• Being able to do it alone.

• That it should happen overnight.

Based on what exactly?


It's the expectations and judgement you put on yourself that can cause the most trouble. So here's your permission to cut yourself some slack. 

Are you ready?

Let’s get to it…

Your challenge…

Think of a skill that you would like to build.

How do you let go of your unrealistic expectations when you're learning a new skill?

•  Make a plan.
  

  • Sounds really basic and yet when you're excited to start something new, this step can be missed.

  •  It doesn't have to be a plan that has every single detail in it but having a map that includes milestones is step one in managing your expectations in a realistic and manageable way. It can be flexible and change as you progress. 

• Start where you are.
  

  • Stay in your own lane so to speak - you're a unique individual and what worked for someone else may not work for you. This is key to keeping your expectations realistic. 

• Ask for help!
  

  • If it seems daunting - recruit help. I can't tell you how much time I wasted in the past by not asking for help. Know what you can and can't do and then get someone who has "been there/done that" to mentor you or point you in the right direction. People love to help.

• Be Consistent.
  

  • Show up. Do the work and watch your skills grow. Being consistent and persistent WILL pay off. Promise.

• Reflect.

  • Make sure you look back every now and then and see how far you've come. 

There can be discomfort in making the inevitable mistakes that come along with doing something new.  It's called learning.

Letting go of unrealistic expectations. Part of the process of learning a new skill.

Practice. Fail. Learn. Repeat. Oh yeah...and cut yourself some slack along the way...Persisting and forgiving yourself when the inevitable "fails" occur.  Knowing that failure is part of the process and being willing to brush yourself off and keep going.  That's what it's all about.

I'm a few steps ahead of you, shining some light on the breadcrumb trail for you... Contact me  Let's play a bit in the muck!

Warmly,
Ann

How’s that grip? Letting go is a skill too!

Loosen your grip! It's time to let go of that Sh*t!

Letting go.  What does that have to do with growing your confidence or any other skill for that matter?

Plenty!

Often it's the things you're hanging on to that are preventing you from making changes or developing those skills you want.

What kinds of things?

• Judgement.

  • Worrying about what others may be thinking about you and what you're up to? Putting too much importance on what others think is natural, as humans we like our tribe and we want to stay connected to them. It's part of our DNA.

  • Here's a newsflash... other people are too busy worrying about their own stuff! In fact, if you explore you may find that the judgement that's coming from YOU is what may be stopping you from growing your confidence. Let that sh*t go! 

• Expectations.

  • Maybe it's an expectation you have of yourself?  "You have to get it right! What's taking so long? You should have this figured out already.' It's easy to cut others some slack, however, when it comes to yourself...often, the bar gets set in a different place, and it's usually higher. It's okay for others to mess up and take their time acquiring new skills but not you. Let go of those unreasonable expectations...

• Beliefs. 

  • This is a loaded one for sure. Beliefs. They create boundaries and direct your focus. This tends to narrow it, including some information and excluding other information and perspectives that are out there. It's more than likely that you have some beliefs that you're hanging on to that aren't actually yours. Your entire life you've been influenced by others, and that's pretty normal. Maybe some of those beliefs are stopping you from growing, or aren't resonating for you anymore. Notice. What belief are you hanging onto that's no longer useful for this phase of your life? Let it go...

• Impatience.

  • Impatience.  Needing to rush through and be the expert rather than being kind and taking the time it needs to build that skill. In a hurry to reach the finish line when there never really is a finish line. 

Ready to explore?

Let’s get to it…

Your challenge…

Imagine a skill that you want to grow right now, maybe it's confidence, maybe it's something else entirely. Just call something to mind. 

• Judgement.

  • Let's talk about self-judgement. Most people are harder on themselves than anyone else ever would be. Next time you're coming down on yourself for not being as far along as you think you should be, try this: Imagine that you have a really good friend going through the same situation. What would you say to them? 

• Expectations.

  • Are the expectations you're putting on yourself realistic? Are they yours or are you trying to impress someone else? Remember that there's no such thing as perfection and pretending that there is, is futile and self-destructive. Besides, no one else is expecting it from you.

• Beliefs. 

  • Check in and notice.  Is there a particular belief that seems to be coming between you and your growth? Dig deep. Is it yours?  Even if it is yours...beliefs don't have to be carved in stone, you're growing and learning all of the time. When a belief becomes a roadblock maybe it's time to let it go.

• Impatience. 
  

  • When you're patient with yourself you may find that you become more relaxed and in fact, you start to progress on your skill building more easily. 

Whatever pops up for you. Ask yourself. What can I choose to let go of today?  By letting go of this thing, what are you doing for yourself? What are you creating space for? Take some time right now to let something bubble to the surface for you.

I'm a few steps ahead of you, shining some light on the breadcrumb trail for you... Contact me  Let's play a bit in the muck!

Warmly,
Ann

Why work with me?  If you're looking at growing your confidence (or any other skill)... and you want to work with somebody who gets it, who's still on the path...I'm your person! Contact me  Plus we'll have a lot of fun too!

Loosen your grip!! It’s time to let go of that sh*t!

Is it time to get messy?

Sounds like a weird question and this confidence-building business...it can get messy. That's because building confidence isn't a linear process. It's more like the jagged line you see in an ECG. Ups and downs...that's what it's like because it's not a one-and-done, every situation is going to present different challenges.

What can you learn to do?  Embrace the messiness.  That's a big request considering that one of your basic human needs is for comfort and safety. That's literally, it. We want to stay in our comfort zone and be safe. Growing your confidence means you actually can't stay in your comfort zone so you're naturally going to feel a little fear (aka unsafe).

What can you do? How do you overcome your need for safety and comfort in service of growing your confidence?

Here are a few questions you can ask yourself:

• What am I afraid of?

  • Not surprisingly the things that you may be afraid of are things like:

    • Embarrassment - what are they going to think?

    • Failure or, not doing it "right".

    • Being seen.

• What's the best thing that could happen here?

  • Not the usual question that you tend to ask, is it?  Often you're looking for the worst-case scenario. That's because humans are wired to look for the negative. It even sounds like we're being smart.

• What's one tiny step I can take now to grow my confidence?

  • It could be the tiniest thing: reaching out to a friend to ask for a referral or sending an email.  Picking up the phone, posting a video.

 
...and still, it will get messy and that's okay!  It's in the mess and the muck that you'll find your true confidence - what it is for you.  It's different for everyone.

The mistake we often make? Comparing our inside feelings to somebody else's outside behaviour.  Spoiler alert...Just because someone holds it together doesn't mean that their insides aren't quivering! Confidence is acknowledging the quivering and taking courageous steps. 

It's different for everyone... however, at the start, it's always a bit messy because confidence comes with trying something and experiencing failure and fear and making mistakes. Usually repeatedly. Until you don't.  
 
Speaking from experience... it gets easier. It's also a continuous work in progress.  Eventually, the time from feeling those feelings, asking the questions, and taking action gets shorter and shorter. 


Ready to explore?

Let’s get to it…

Your challenge…


Think of one place in your life right now where you'd like to feel more confident and then ask yourself:

• What am I afraid of?

  • Embarrassment, failure, not doing it right, being seen.

  • All of those things. When in fact if you allow yourself to take a chance and do something? You're shining a light for someone else, you're leaving a breadcrumb trail for someone else to follow.

• What's the best thing that could happen here?

  • Why this question rather than the usual one?  Because you tend to notice and focus on those things that can go wrong naturally, you don't need any help doing that! When you're looking for the best that could happen you may be more likely to focus on the wins than the losses.

• What's one tiny step I can take now to grow my confidence?

  • Why the tiny step?  It's manageable, doable, and retractable. Let's say you take that tiny step and you're not happy with it. Easy!  You can step back. No harm, no foul. Except...by taking that step you've proved to yourself that you are willing to and CAN take a step. And, what if you just happen to be happy with it? You can build upon it by taking another, tiny step. This is how transformation can happen. This is how you grow confidence.

These are little ways to quiet things in your head and help to grow your confidence.

You're gonna mess up. Growing confidence isn't neat and clean...it's messy. It means trying something, falling on your knees, getting back up, and trying again...it's a process.  I'm a few steps ahead of you, shining some light on the breadcrumb trail for you...you've got this!

Ready to get messy?!  Contact me  Let's play a bit in the muck!

Warmly,
Ann

Is it time to get messy?