Are you doing the same thing...and expecting a different response? STOP!

You can't keep doing the same things and expect a different result...yet that's exactly what we do! 

It could be at work, at home, or any other situation where you find yourself constantly looking back with frustration.  "They" did that again. I knew it would turnout this way again. I wish they'd...

Maybe it's time to get real and ask yourself: "What's (or maybe who's) the common denominator here?" Yikes, it can be confronting can't it? To realize that if all those different situations aren't going the way you hoped they would, that you're the one that's the common denominator. 

It takes self-awareness.

Here's the thing, how you respond to things, whether you realize it or not, contributes to the cycle that you're in. Stop responding the same way...and you disconnect the cycle. It's kind of like a circuit when you unplug the cord, you can't get the same response anymore because you've interrupted the cycle.

It's hard to change how you respond, you're a human,  emotional being. When something happens, especially with the people close to you, or in situations where the stakes are perceived to be high, your tendency is going to be to react with emotion, rather than respond with reason.

So what do you do?

Like anything, it's a practice. Start by paying attention to your own behaviour in situations where you're not getting the results you want. Notice what you're doing that's resulting in the outcome that you don't want, because let's face it, the goal is always to get more of what you want.

How do you interrupt a pattern of behaviour when you realize it's not getting you the results you want?

One of my all time favourite tactics? If you don't want to go there...don't take the bait. Much easier said than done...at first.

Are you ready?

Let's get to it...

Your challenge...

Sometimes something as simple as not responding the way you usually do will do the trick.That can include:

• Having a new, planned response.

  • If you think you've figured out what you're doing to contribute to the situation, having a planned response in your back pocket can diffuse a situation before it starts.

  • This is going to take awareness and practice AND it's well worth doing.

• Not responding at all. 

  • When you can see the pattern happening again..take a breath.

  • That may be enough to prevent the cycle starting and if not, revert to your planned response.

We all have buttons that others know how to press. By responding a different way, you're removing a button and... you can't press a button that no longer exists. This will change your outcome...guaranteed.

Want to learn more about how a few sessions with me can dramatically increase your confidence? Contact me I guarantee you'll be glad you did!

Warmly,

Ann

Are you doing the same thing and expecting a different response? STOP!

You have the power...

...do you use it?

You have the power to bring out the best in someone else.

It's easy to underestimate your impact, your influence, on the life of someone else.

It should be obvious if you're in a leadership position but what can get missed, is the role that you play "outside" of your job.

What role?

Your role as a parent, relative, friend, child, partner, acquaintance...heck even in your role as a consumer at the grocery store! How you show up is influencing others...always. You're always one action away from lifting someone up or potentially tearing someone down.  It's that quick.

So how are you using this power, this influence that you have? Do you ever take a moment to check in?
Your words and your actions are constantly speaking, and somebody is always paying attention noticing...receiving.

What's different now when you think about that?

Maybe you've never thought of yourself that way before. Maybe now's the time to realize that no matter who you are, you're consistently influencing everything and everyone around you.

Quite a responsibility isn't it?

So now what? What are you gonna do with this new information? How can you bring out the best in someone else?

Are you ready?

Let's get to it...

Your challenge...

If you're just realizing this amazing human power that you have, here are a few things you may want to pay attention to:

• How do you speak about yourself?

  • With kindness and acceptance?

• How do you speak about others?

  • With compassion and understanding?

And probably more importantly...

• How do you act?
  

  • This is the most telling thing of all.

• People pay attention to the things you do, not the things you say.

  • Are they in alignment?

Check-in.

• You can check-in with yourself and observe your own behaviours.
  

  • You need a lot of self-awareness to do this.

• What might be more useful for you?
  

  • Check-in with your truth tellers* to find out if what you're doing and saying is congruent.

If it is...fantastic, and if it's not, that's where your work begins.

Remember, you have a really important role to play. It can't be underestimated.

Want to learn more about how a few sessions with me can dramatically increase your confidence? Contact me I guarantee you'll be glad you did!

Warmly,

Ann

*remember, your truth tellers aren’t always your friends…

You have the power. Do you use it?

Are you looking for certainty? Try clarity instead...

Apparently the only things in life that are certain are: death and taxes. As far as I know, that's proved to be true.

Certainty is one of those things that exists in the rear view mirror. You can do a "pros and cons" list, do some research, ask around...do all those things but when it comes to pulling the trigger, you have to take a chance. You have to trust that you've done the work...you've looked at all the options, and now you're ready to go.

This takes a certain kind of courage.  And chances are, you do this all of the time and don't give it a second thought. You're constantly making in the moment decisions without any concern for certainty. The wish for certainty usually comes up when the stakes are perceived as being higher. Maybe there's no do-over. That's when you really want to be sure that you know what you're doing. That the decision you're making is the" right" one.

Seeking certainty, when in fact, the right decision for you is going to be the one that feels right for you. You can take in the opinions of others or do an extensive analysis and at the end of the day, you have to decide. This is the right decision. Now is the right time.

What causes this uncertainty? In addition to the perception of high stakes, no do-over situations, in my experience is usually one of two things. You have so many options that you're overwhelmed with the possibilities so it's hard to feel like you're making the the right decision. Or, the completely opposite situation where you feel you have no options and so you're stuck. A lack of certainty.

I want to propose that maybe instead of looking for certainty, you look for clarity.

In my mind, clarity is a superpower. It can pull you forward, encourage you to take that first step and then it continues to pull you forward. With each step you take, it allows you to alter your path according to the information that you're getting.

When you're clear about what you want, you're less likely to get stuck in uncertainty because the clarity of your goal is gonna help you to make decisions and do things without a second thought.

If you're stuck in uncertainty right now, step back for a moment and ask yourself:

• What do I want?

• What's my goal here?

Allow this information to drive your first step.


Are you ready?

Let's get to it...

Your challenge...

Are you looking for certainty right now? Look for clarity instead...

Ask yourself:

• What do I want right now?

  • Keep it simple. Maybe you're looking for a creative idea.

• Who do I know that could help me with this?

  • Two heads are always better than one!

• What do I notice about myself when I have clarity?

  • Clarity puts fuel in your tank.

When you're clear, you're less likely to hesitate or wait to take action. It's like putting fuel in your tank. It also helps you build your "action taking" muscles. 

Want to learn more about how a few sessions with me can dramatically increase your confidence? Contact me I guarantee you'll be glad you did!

Warmly,

Ann

Are you looking for certainty? Try clarity instead…

Being yourself should feel like freedom...not fear...

Is it time for you to check in?

Hanging out in places and spaces where you're pretending to be something you're not in order to fit in...is effort.

Sometimes you have to put on "the mask". I guess it's part of the whole thing that we sometimes have to do to fit in. This should be the exception, not the rule. Like the 80/20 rule. You should be able to be yourself the majority of the time. 

And if this isn't the case?

Ask yourself, how does it feel when I have to put on a mask?

For me? It feels awkward. Being inauthentic feels like I'm hiding.

I'm not gonna lie. It's never sat well with me. I have a vivid memory of partnering with someone in my past and we were like oil and vinegar in terms of our approach. Me wanting to be me...and they wanting me to be them! They thought I should be more serious because apparently that's more professional...I don't know, maybe it is but that's not being me. Real. Authentic.

It took a lot of effort to wear that mask, that's for sure! And I did it because I thought I had to fit in. 

I know better now.

I'm gonna bet that every one of you reading this can relate in some way. Maybe for you it's not at work. It could be in an extracurricular activity, a family setting, or maybe for you it's something else entirely. Round peg...square hole but you keep trying to squeeze in anyway. Ugh.

The messages that you take in that tell you that being yourself is not acceptable. Being yourself doesn't fit in with the typical way  "you're supposed to be."

I want to argue that. Being yourself can be liberating! It allows you to deliver exactly what you're capable of... your strengths. It helps you to recognize the things that maybe aren't your strengths, so you can work on those areas if they're important to you.

Here's a fact:

When you get hired for a position, enter a relationship, or start anything new, whatever it is, and you're pretending to be someone else...eventually the jig will be up. You'll get found out. Or...if you continue the farce it's going to cost you. Because acting is exhausting. 

Is it time to check in?

Are you ready?

Let's get to it...

Your challenge...

Is there somewhere in your life right now where you're putting on a mask to fit in?

Consider these questions:

• Why do I feel like I have to put on a mask in this situation?

  • If it's a short term situation, it may be perfectly fine.

• Is it worth it to "fit in" in this situation?

  • Remember, this should be the exception, not the rule.

• What's the cost of doing this for me?

  • Continuing a farce can be costly...it's exhausting.

Remember...being yourself should feel like freedom...not fear!

It's by being yourself, bringing your unique spin on things to the table that adds value. Diversity. That's what enriches experiences for everyone.

Want to learn more about how a few sessions with me can dramatically increase your confidence? Contact me I guarantee you'll be glad you did!

Warmly,

Ann

Being yourself should feel like freedom…not fear…

Playing it safe?

Sitting on the fence...staying where you are...biding your time? It happens.

All of these are okay...until they're not.

As humans it feels safe, we're biased towards the familiar, and so consequently, the devil you know will always be better than taking a chance elsewhere. We have a natural bias towards the negative. It served our ancestors well...they actually had to look at every stick as if it was a snake. Just in case.

Because our brain's number one job is to keep us alive, we perceive everything new and different as a potential threat. It's not a fault in your system. It's just a reality.

It's this reality that can keep you stuck in a situation because it feels comfortable and safe, even if it's not ideal. Staying in what you know despite not being satisfied or fulfilled, feels safer sometimes than stepping out to do something different.

I get it.

It wasn't until a couple years ago when I examined what I was up to and where I was headed, that I realized I was playing it safe. I was sitting on the fence, and not taking the steps I needed to become who I was meant to become. It takes courage to acknowledge that where you're at is not where you're meant to be. Your expansion and growth depends on you stepping out and moving in order to get to your next big thing.

It's not easy!

Are you hanging out in a space that's no longer serving you? Has it got to the point where staying is stunting your growth? Unfortunately, as human beings we're wired for the familiar and the familiar feels safe to us. That's why we continue to do things that aren't in our best interest. Staying in relationships that aren't necessarily nurturing us and helping us grow.

Take a look at yourself right now. 

• Where are you at?

• Are you growing?

Or are you staying somewhere because it feels safe and comfortable? That's okay! You're human.

When it's not okay?

• When you're questioning where you are.

• When you're feeling unsettled and know that there's more for you.

If this sounds like you, you're not alone. Wanting more and feeling afraid because you don't know what's behind the next door are completely normal feelings. The thing is, there might be something amazing behind that door!

Let's remedy that.

You don't have to navigate everything on your own. Read that again. Let's normalize the idea that getting help is not weak...it's a strength. Recognizing that you've exhausted all of your resources on your own and still aren't where you want to be is actually brilliant. Why is it brilliant? Because now you know you're ready to take another step. You know that in order to get to the next level, you're going to have to do things that you haven't done before.

So where do you start?

Are you ready?

Let's get to it...

Your challenge...

I know I sound like a broken record but...it’s always about acknowledging:

• Where you're at.

  • Really taking stock.

• How you feel about your current situation?

  • Being really honest with yourself.

You have to acknowledge where you are in order to take the steps to get where you want to go, even if you don't know where that destination is quite yet. That's okay, we work from where you are. Don't wait until you have it all figured out because you might wait a very long time.

Wouldn't you rather be living your most fulfilled life now?

It takes courage to recognize that you're stuck somewhere you don't belong...and to choose to take action. It can create that fight, flight, or freeze feeling.

I'm hugely optimistic. Not just for myself. For you, for your possibilities. For what can happen for you if you take that first small step. Decide.Choose you. Choose fulfillment.

Want to learn more about how a few sessions with me can dramatically increase your confidence? Contact me I guarantee you'll be glad you did!

Warmly,

Ann

Playing it safe?

I'm going to be bold here. I see you...

I'm going to be bold here...I see you.

You open my blogs every week...or maybe you just look at them from your preview pane in your email. I don't know. Do you go through the exercises I give you? Maybe you're looking to build your confidence and you haven't mustered up the courage to reach out yet? I get it.

I see you...

You might think it's not the right time or, probably more likely...you're feeling vulnerable.

I get it...been there...that's for sure. It took me years, yes years, to actually realize that I could look at all the videos I wanted, read everything, talk about it as much as I wanted, but when push came to shove? I knew I had to take ownership of my path, and hiring a coach was the best thing I ever did for myself! 

Having that perspective available to me. Someone who could see things that I couldn't see, could hear things that I was saying that I couldn't hear...all of that made a huge difference for me.

Obviously! That's why I'm a coach and, specifically,  a "Confidence" Coach. I see you. I've been you and, I continue to learn and grow.

It's been almost 9 years now, and I still hire a coach when I need to. Last year I invested in six months of weekly sessions to get some traction in a situation. Why struggle when an expert can help you move quicker, with clarity and support? I practice what I preach!


What's holding you back? 

In my experience?

• The idea that you should have it all figured out because clearly, everyone else does. Myth.

• Feeling vulnerable. When you work with someone you have chemistry with, this disappears. Truth.

• Thinking that there's a perfect or right time. Nope.

You may be pleasantly surprised to learn how quickly you can make a change when someone's in your corner. Think about it, how much time have you been "spending" ...waiting? For what? A magic wand to appear and suddenly give you the clarity and confidence you want? Unlikely to happen.

Let's remedy that.


Are you ready?

Let's get to it...

Your challenge...

Today I'm giving you a little nudge.

Let go!

• Of the idea that you have to have it all figured out.

• Or that everyone else has it figured out...

If it feels vulnerable:

• Be vulnerable!

• I promise you...it will be worth it.

Take that step

• Reach out.

• Let's have a conversation.

Let's have a conversation. You never know what's in store for you if you don't take a chance. I'm here and I'd love to support you. Let's chat and see if we're a fit!

Want to learn more about how a few sessions with me can dramatically increase your confidence? Contact me I guarantee you'll be glad you did!

Warmly,

Ann

I’m going to be bold here. I see you…

Feeling like an imposter? The solution is...

Feeling like an imposter? The solution is...

Be yourself!

I recently had the pleasure of running  my "Connect to Your Confidence" workshop in a pharmaceutical company setting with a group of amazing, talented, smart, capable, women...it felt like coming home.

These women said that if they felt confident they would be able to show up and be authentic. Believing in, and trusting themselves. Being able to speak up without the fear of being judged. To be who they are without pretending. 

Doesn't sound like a big request does it?

I wish I could have taken all of these women to the event I attended the very next evening.  An evening event with a panel of four high level executives in the pharma industry. General managers, CEOs, Head of Business Units.  Impressive people.

People like you and me. Speaking to the subject of "imposter syndrome."

A sadly relatable topic for far too many women. Women who often carry around a heavy backpack on their shoulders full of self-doubt and insecurities. I confess that I had my own backpack too...pretty much the entire time I was in my corporate job. One of the weights was definitely feeling like I'd snuck in under the radar and didn't belong there. I had no idea how common and 'normal' this was.

According to this panel, this is true for EVERYONE. No discrimination. Men too. Starting a new gig and thinking that it was a mistake...that they'd fooled everyone...slipped under the radar.

So if you're thinking that you're alone...exhale. You're normal. Me too apparently.

It was refreshing, and hopefully, reassuring for the ~80 people there to hear these incredibly accomplished individuals sharing their very real experiences with imposter syndrome. They made it approachable and relatable...especially for the younger women in the crowd who think that everyone else has it all figured out.

Nobody has it all figured out. Nobody.

The one repeating theme throughout the evening was...to be yourself. Trust that you are where you are because you are meant to be there.

"You are who you are.
Who you are.
Is who you are.
Who you are is non-negotiable.
If you can't be who you are where you are.
Change where you are.
Not who you are."
-Caroline Wanga

Are you ready?

Let's get to it...

Your challenge...

Check in with yourself. Are you walking around pretending to be someone you're not? Trying to emulate someone rather than being you?

Do this instead:

• Be authentic.

  • People want you. Not you trying to be someone else. 

  • Work with your strengths.

• Be vulnerable.

  • You're not expected to know it all.

  • Ask for help if you need it!

• Don't take yourself so seriously.

  • Life's too short.

  • Remember that everyone puts their pants on one leg at a time.

Remember, there's nothing more confident then someone being 100% themself...lumps and all!

Want to learn more about how a few sessions with me can dramatically increase your confidence? Contact me I guarantee you'll be glad you did!

Warmly,

Ann

Feeling like an imposter? The solution is…

Have you been kicked in the pants? Ouch.

Have you been kicked in the pants? Ouch.

Or maybe you've been punched in the gut... regardless something's happened, and now you're in the position of dealing with it.

What do you do?

Pretending it didn't happen doesn't make it go away.

A dear friend of mine died a month and a 1/2 ago and I can't pretend that it hasn't affected every single aspect of my life, and not all in bad ways. The realization of the preciousness of life, the fact that you don't know what your time here is, and the reality that life is going to happen no matter who you are or what you do for a living. You're not exempt.

Maybe for you there's been a job loss, a missed promotion, or a personal situation that's occupying a lot of your bandwidth. Pretending all is well is not going to help you move forward.

I used the phrase "move forward" purposely. You don't 'move on' from life changing events. Hopefully, you gather the learning, the love, the memories or whatever else you need to gather and you take it with you.

I want to share with you some lessons that I've been learning that may be useful for you too...no matter what situation you're in...because you too, as far as I know, are also  a human!

Acknowledgment.

• Rather than shoving it inside and showing a brave face, acknowledging that something crappy has happened.

Kindness.

• I've been receiving a ton of kindness lately from places and spaces I never could've imagined. But the person who hasn't given me the kindness that I need is me. I figure If I stay busy, keep doing what I'm doing, I'll magically not have to think about things. It's not working so far.
  
  Patience.

• Not in the "this too shall pass" mindset...but rather...this is life. This is real life and I know I'm not the only one in a space of either loss, frustration, disappointment etc. who still keeps going on. And I'm allowing myself the patience to move through this.
  
  What does this have to do with confidence? Maybe sweet diddly squat, but sometimes you have to step away from what you do to offer something different and what I'm offering you right now is the permission you may need to acknowledge what you're going through. 
  
  Despite all this, I'm okay. I'm okay in my grief. Acknowledging and moving forward slowly holding this new part of me. 
  
  Are you ready?
  
  Let's get to it...
  
  Your challenge...
  

If you've been kicked in the pants please remember to take some time to:

Acknowledge...be kind...be patient.
 
Gather what needs to be gathered. The lessons, the love, the memories.

And then...gently move forward...as this new version of you.

You've got this.

Want to learn more about how a few sessions with me can dramatically increase your confidence? Contact me I guarantee you'll be glad you did!

Warmly,

Ann

Have you been kicked in the pants? Ouch.

Is it right under your nose? Probably...

What's right under your nose?

Although not necessarily a literal question, this came to mind because of an actual situation

I was on my way home from a walk. For most of the walk I had been talking on the phone. It was when I was heading back, as I stepped into the field that I’d already walked through that it happened. I was overcome by the smell of blossoms...blossoms that I hadn't even noticed when I was walking through the field the first time. Interesting, how my sense of smell went on vacation while I was talking on the phone. Is that a thing?

You know me. I love a good metaphor and this one seemed obvious to me: There are so many things that are right there under our noses that we either take for granted or don't see because they're too close.

In this minute as you're searching for that next thing, or working on whatever it is you're working on and you're having a hard time connecting the dots or bringing it all together...

• Stop!

  • Yes. Put the brakes on for a minute.

• Take a step back and look right under your nose.
  

  • It may be so obvious you've ruled it out.

• What do you already have that you can apply to this situation?
  

  • Maybe it's a skill strength or capability you have.

Perspective...

The thing that you can't get unless you step away.

Is there somewhere in your life right now where you're trying to make headway? You've come to a point where you're not sure if it's done, if it needs more tweaking...maybe you're just not sure in general!

Are you ready?

Let's get to it...

Your challenge...

Think of that thing now.

 Take a moment now to get some perspective.

• Stop!

  • Muscling through is never the answer.

• Take a step back and look right under your nose.

  • What's so obvious you're ruling it out?

• What do you already have that you can apply to this situation?

  • Maybe somebody you know can help you with it.

...Or consider that maybe you've done enough and there really is nothing to find...

Want to learn more about how a few sessions with me can dramatically increase your confidence? Contact me I guarantee you'll be glad you did!

Warmly,

Ann

Is it right under your nose? Probably…

Yes! You can. If...

Yes, you can! 

Can what? Pretty much do anything you set your mind to, but there's a caveat...you have to believe that you can. Your Mindset. One of the ingredients that you have to pay attention to if you really want those things that you say you want. If you think 'it's not possible', then you're holding yourself back.

Whether you think you can, or you think you can’t – you’re right... Henry Ford Pretty much my go to quote...there's so much truth to it.

You can only expand as far as you believe you can, so if you're starting out already believing something's not possible then..why bother?  Especially when it comes to growing skills that might feel out of reach for you right now, believing that they are attainable is what fuels the journey.

Think about every skill you have right now. Every single one that, at one point, you probably couldn't imagine doing. Those skills.

How does this relate to building your confidence?

Look at it this way:

• If you want to be more confident but you always call to mind the times in your life when you weren't feeling confident then that's what your brain's gonna do...look for evidence to support that thought. That's how your brain works. 

• Likewise, if you call  to mind examples in your life when you were feeling confident, your brain will accommodate that as well and start looking for evidence to support it.

You have to remember that you CAN do things.

What if you're embarking on a brand new thing? How do you get there? 

• Patience.

  • There is no overnight success.

• Perseverance.

  • You have to do the drills to get the skills.

• The belief that it's possible. 

  • Probably the most important element.

No matter what you're working on...it matters how you're thinking.

Are you ready?

Let's get to it...

Your challenge...

Working on building a new skill? Feeling self-doubt and fear is normal when you're learning something new…it doesn’t mean that it’s not possible.

When you feel yourself starting to go down down the path of self-doubt and fear, here are some suggestions for you:

• Notice it's happening.

  • We tend to go to autopilot, well, automatically, so you may not even notice that it's happening. Start to pay attention.

• Pause.

  • Ask yourself - Is what I'm thinking about this situation and my capabilities really true? Chances are, it's your autopilot response. Be skeptical.

• Make a choice.

  • Yes, 'a choice.' Decide that you're going to choose an optimistic mindset this time. Consciously change the pattern and then act upon it. Self-doubt and fear tend to dissolve with action.

• Repeat.

  • Often. This is a practice.That autopilot brain of yours is determined to win. Repetition of this process makes it more likely that you'll eventually be able to interrupt this pattern and gradually, shift your mindset and grow your skills!

Over time, with patience, persistence and self-belief you can shift your mindset and grow. You've got this.

Want to learn more about how a few sessions with me can dramatically increase your confidence? Contact me I guarantee you'll be glad you did!

Warmly,

Ann

Yes! You can. If…