Why do you want that thing?

Why do you want that thing?

Based on the feedback I received...last week's blog* hit a nerve with a few of you. 

If you've figured out what you want...the next question is "Why do you want that thing?"

It's the end of September! In the business world, this signals the start of the last quarter...the final push to hit your targets. 

Think about those things that are on your list of goals that you're not quite achieving, or even getting around to. Here's a chance to check-in and ask yourself some questions with the caveat that, when you're in business working for someone else, there may be less control over what those goals are. 

For now, let this be about your personal goals, those things you're doing for you. Goals that you set at the beginning of the year. Are there some that just aren't happening?

Time for a check-in.

Does your goal have you on the run? It matters.Are you running away from something, or are you running towards something? 

Running away from what you “don’t want’ is not the same as running towards something you want.

When you're “running away” from what you don’t want, there may be some relief, but also an energy of fear and desperation. Most likely, you're in flight, fight or flee mode.

When you're "running towards" something, the energy will feel different. The excitement of possibilities and a fresh start, a chance to learn and grow. 

It's complicated.


Are you ready?

Let's get to it...

Your challenge...

If you're not making progress towards your goal. Ask yourself: Where am I heading right now...towards or away from something?

Here are some tips:

• Stop! Before you go any further, stop.

  • Catch your breath and clear your mind.

• Ask yourself:

  • Is this something I want?

• Think. Be still.
  

  • Take the time to be quiet with your thoughts. Journal if that's your practice.

Take the time to get CLEAR. This will help you to determine your next step.

Looking for clarity? Contact me Two heads are better than one!

Want to learn more about how a few sessions with me can dramatically increase your confidence? Contact me I guarantee you'll be glad you did!

Cheers,

Ann

Why do you want that thing?

This bears repeating...again!

This bears repeating...again.

Start asking for what you want. Not what you don't want!

While recently away on vacation I was in a restaurant where a young family was sitting close by. Over and over again the parents kept repeating to their two children "Don't throw that, don't touch that. Don't don't don't"... This is not a criticism! It's an observation of totally normal behaviour.

Here's the thing about "don't"... because of the way our brains work, we have to think about doing the thing that we're not supposed to do, and then not do it. It's complicated...especially for a kid!

So of course, the kids would do the thing that the parents didn't want them to do!  I had to hold myself back from giving advice. As a parent, I wish I'd known this when I had young kids. When you know better, you do better. I also figured that it was none of my business, they weren't hurting the kids in any way. It just might have made their life easier.

It's human, we tend to react, rather than respond. When we learn to take a pause and breathe, we're more likely to ask for what we want, then to continually ask for what we don't want. 

It takes practice.

This is a reminder for all of us to be cognizant of what we're asking of others when we make a request, and also paying attention to how we're thinking in our own heads. "I don't want, it can't, I never."...make sure that you're careful about how you frame things for yourself. Your brain will look for what you ask it to look for...just like those kids were only doing what their parents were really inadvertently asking them to do...we do the same thing. We constantly mention the things we don't want to have and then are surprised when they show up.

It's simple but not easy.

It's a mindset shift. Changing how you say things, how you ask for things, how you think about things. And it's a practice worth doing.

Skeptical?

That's fine. I love skeptics. I'm probably the most analytical, logical, and skeptical person you'll ever find...and I know one of the functions of the reticular activating system (RAS) in our brain is to turn unconscious thought into consciousness. So what does that mean? You notice and pay attention to things that you give importance to. When you say you don't want something, your brain actually doesn't recognize "don't" it thinks you want it, so it'll find it for you. Ugh.

Are you ready?

Let's get to it...

Your challenge...

Are you curious about where your default setting is when it comes to asking for what you want? Are you being clear?

Here are some sneaky ways you may be inadvertently asking for what you don't want...

• Don't forget to pick up the milk (or whatever else it may be!).

• Don't touch the remote. 

• I don't want to be late.

Instead, try these:

• Remember to pick up the milk.

• Put the remote down.

• I'm going to be on time.

You get the idea. Focusing on the action you want versus what you don't want isn't only for kids! It creates clarity for adults too!

Language...a couple of small shifts can make all of the difference. 

Need a default check up of your own? Contact me  you'll be amazed by how a few small tweaks can have an incredibly big effect.

Want to learn more about how a few sessions with me can dramatically increase your confidence? Contact me I guarantee you'll be glad you did!

Cheers,

Ann

This bears repeating...again!

It's hard to say no...and so important!

It's hard to say no...and so important!

You've got a lot on your plate.

Maybe that's a good place to start. Take a moment now and think about everything you've got on your plate.

• Work

• Finances

• Family

• Friends

• Commitments to others.

• Anything else that comes to mind for you.

Did you notice what or rather "who" was missing?

What about you?

• Your wellbeing.

• Your physical health.

• Your mental health.

• Fun and play.

• Relaxing every now and then...

When's the last time you gave yourself a pat on the back? Really! 

Acknowledgment, for where you're at, what it took for you to get there. The celebration. It's easy to acknowledge, and we often do, the things that we did wrong, and then beat ourselves up or look for improvement. But we often forget to celebrate the good things, and bask in that.

It's not your fault. It's built into your DNA to focus on the negative, rush by the positive and keep going... plugging away. Doing. 

Instead of taking a moment to "bask" you're looking for the next thing to achieve, the next thing on your to-do list. The next...the next...the next...and then you realize that you're not satisfied or fulfilled. Ugh.

Saying yes to others and no to you.  This may not even be on your radar screen...you do it so automatically.

And then you wonder why you're burnt out!

Just because you can, doesn't mean you should. You're allowed to say no.


Are you ready?

Let's get to it...

Your challenge...

If this is relatable to you, you're not alone. It's time for a reminder about boundaries...one of my  favourite topics. Learning to set healthy boundaries has made a huge difference for me... knowing when to say no. Learning to be in service of me and my needs, and it's a tough one.

Because I'm well aware that I'm not alone* in this one, we're gonna go through it again today. 

Some reminders about boundaries:

• They're not there to keep others out!
  

  • They're there to reduce your stress by giving you a sense of control and freedom over how you live and spend your time.

• Setting healthy boundaries is said to enhance your mental and emotional well-being.
  

  • A benefit everyone could use for sure.

• Setting boundaries is good for you AND the people around you.

  • When you have clear boundaries, others will learn to respect your limits and know what you are and aren't okay with.

• What about the people who don't respect your boundaries?
  

  • Check in...it's probably because they were benefiting from you not having any.

It takes practice and awareness and a willingness to say yes to you first. Not in a selfish way, in a way that helps you show up as your best in this world.

Struggling with personal boundaries? Maybe it's time to Contact me 

Want to learn more about how a few sessions with me can dramatically increase your confidence? Contact me I guarantee you'll be glad you did!

Cheers,
Ann

*Yes AMD…this one’s for you!

It’s hard to say no…and so important!

Do you want it to be better?

Why wouldn't you...

Some people just don't want things to be better...and that's okay. Maybe you're one of them?

You may say you want "it" to be better and, at every opportunity you say no to better and yes to the same.

Sound familiar?

I've worked with a lot of people over the past nine years and of course, I've had many conversations with people I don't work with. A funny thing can happen when you gently poke at something - a resistance, a defence mechanism - can sometimes come up when there's an opportunity to change a perspective, or to make something better.

I get it.

Despite there being a sense of dissatisfaction, there's comfort in what you know. It's certainly more comfortable than what you don't know,. Why try to improve a relationship, or any other situation that's not exactly as you would like it, when it's much easier to stay put? The path of least resistance...

There's always a benefit. I get pushback each and every time I ask someone: What's the benefit of staying in this situation? What's the benefit of condoning this behavior? What's the benefit of not speaking up? What's the benefit...because...there is one.

There may be legitimate reasons for why you're staying in a situation. That's what we uncover...when you're willing to go there.

Are you willing to go there?

Changing is difficult and can be confronting, and not just for other people but for you too. Especially when you're saying you're ready to create a better situation for yourself, you're ready to say no, or maybe something else? You're ready to stand up for yourself, you're ready to claim whatever it is you've been hiding from.

What do you want to claim?

Peace of mind, your power, your self esteem, your confidence? I'm sure you could add something here.

It's September...the freshness of a new season is always a good time to consider change.

Just like a tree sheds its leaves every fall.

A tree acknowledges that the leaves were definitely helpful at one time. There was a symbiotic relationship...they served each other...which is a beautiful thing. Come the fall, the leaves are no longer helping the tree, they're actually draining it, so the tree naturally lets them go.

What's something you're ready to let go of?


Are you ready?

Let's get to it...

Your challenge...

Think of a situation where you find yourself constantly asking, why am I doing this again? Maybe it's time to answer some tough questions.

• Are you willing to let it go all together?
  

  • This may be too drastic, and worth asking nevertheless.

• If you're not willing to let it go all together, are you willing to modify it so that it serves you better?
  

  • Probably a good first step.

Awareness.

No matter what your answer was, you have a decision to make. With any decision, any change, it starts with one small step.

You can do it, I can help.

Want to learn more about how a few sessions with me can dramatically increase your confidence? Contact me I guarantee you'll be glad you did!

Warmly,

Ann

Do you want it to be better? Why wouldn’t you…

And just like that...nine years...

And just like that...NINE years!  

Nine years ago on August 31st, 2015 I closed the door on my 20+ year pharmaceutical industry career and opened the door to my entrepreneurial journey. In many ways it feels like yesterday and sometimes it feels like forever. The illusion of time. 

On this occasion and because it's September aka "mini New Year" I thought I'd share some nuggets that will be helpful for you if you're starting something new, or thinking about doing something new.

When embarking on something new, it can be totally exciting and it's also normal to experience feelings of self doubt, fear, uncertainty and all of the other "yucky" feelings that may come up. 

Here's a list of of nine things to consider on your way:

• Every expert starts out as a beginner.
  

  • Look for progress over perfection.

• Fear is a liar. It's normal to feel fear.
  

  • Action tends to quiet fear.

• Clarity IS a superpower.
  

  • You need to know what your desired outcome is if you want to stand a chance of getting it.

• Don't wait until you feel ready. 
  

  • The "right" time doesn't exist. Confidence comes from doing, not talking about it.

• Know your why. Make sure it's yours.
  

  • Take time to get clear on why you want to start something.

• Believe it's possible.
  

  • When self doubt creeps in, surround yourself with people who can see your potential.

• Trust yourself.
  

  • You know more than you think you do.

• In the beginning...be open to everything, rule nothing out.

  • Sometimes it's the unexpected that leads you to your next step.

• Keep going!
  

  • Sometimes what looks like a finish line, is actually a beginning.

If you're not feeling confident about your first step, reach out! I don't want you looking back years from now regretting not taking that first step.

Thank you to all of my clients, past and present. I am so grateful to do this work with you!

Want to learn more about how a few sessions with me can dramatically increase your confidence? Contact me I guarantee you'll be glad you did!

Warmly,

Ann

And just like that…nine years…

Last minute reset...you've got time...

Last minute reset...you've got time to...

Pause. Recharge. Reset.

The unofficial end of summer is looming with that “back to school” feeling. Even if you're not going back to school, this time of year can feel like a mini New Year, and a New Year is often a call to evaluate where you're at.

"Life moves pretty fast. If you don't stop and look around once in a while, you could miss it”. Ferris Bueller.

Have you taken a break yet? 

There's still some time to take a pause, recharge, and reset.

Pausing to check in with yourself. When you’re busy “doing” life, it can be easy to forget about taking time for yourself.

What does a pause look like?

Maybe you can't take a vacation and...you don't have to wait for a vacation to pause. It can be about finding moments in your day to pause...to step back, catch your breath.

Why does making time to pause matter? There are so many benefits:

• Stepping away from something gives you a new perspective on it.

  • Something as simple as getting up and going for a walk can be enough to refresh you and provide you with insights. Apparently, there’s research that shows that active rest, like pursuing a hobby, sport, or anything else where you are moving instead of sitting, boosts your creativity and productivity!

• It's a way to recharge.

  • When you charge an actual battery, you plug it in….you’re not a battery! In order to recharge your human batteries you need to set aside time to rest and take breaks from screens or other environmental ‘noise’. 
    
    They say everything works better if you unplug it...you included. When you do this, a funny thing can happen...you may feel refreshed and re-energized.

  • You can gain momentum by slowing down. Often, new ideas come in those moments when you’re doing something else.
    

Taking a break of any length can serve as a reset. A new baseline to move from.

So what can you do?

Are you ready?

Let's get to it...

Your challenge...

Pause and take some time to reconnect with:

• A hobby you never find time to do.

• Nature. Get out and sit by a tree or go for a walk.

• Your partner, dog, cat, or an old friend.

• Yourself. You may just find that by slowing down, you discover something new about you.

It's still summertime, truly the perfect opportunity to pause, step back, and reflect before you dive back into all of the activities that autumn can bring. Take advantage of it.

Every now and then, stop and take a look around, take in the scenery. Check-in with all of your senses. Track through your body, and notice your breath or balance. Listen to the sounds around you, near and far. Notice the picture unfolding around you and take in the details. All of it. Savour it. Put it into your mental bank account and then withdraw it anytime you need a quick break.

Take a pause and reset. 

Just like Ferris Bueller said…"Life moves pretty fast. If you don't stop and look around once in a while, you could miss it”.  And, you don't want to miss it!

Want to learn more about how a few sessions with me can dramatically increase your confidence? Contact me I guarantee you'll be glad you did!

Cheers,

Ann

Last minute reset…you’ve got time…

Overloaded?

I got the dreaded "your storage is almost full, soon you won't be able to send or receive messages" warning on my phone. Nothing was going to come in or go out unless I took some action.

Maybe you can relate? 

Every now and then, life can feel like that. If you continue to add things on top of the already big pile, eventually somethings going to have to give.  Despite what you may think, there's a tipping point for your capacity to take on new things.

But what if you really want to take those new things on?

With your phone? You can always purchase more capacity...but you're not a phone. 

There needs to be some sort of an assessment.

The concept that, in order to let something in, you may need to let something go. Sometimes it's quite literal...other times not so much.

Where in your life right now does it feel like things are brimming over and you don't have space on your hard drive for it?

Perhaps it's time to explore what's already there in that space.

Maybe it's old beliefs that aren't true anymore. Beliefs can be like that. Beliefs are limits you put on yourself. Yeah, that's the truth, all  beliefs are limiting because they filter out what we allow in and what we keep out.

Or maybe it's expectations you've been hanging onto? The idea that it was 'supposed to be this way'. Whether that's for you, others ...

Sometimes it's as simple as identifying something that's holding you back...that doesn't feel true for you anymore.

Other times it's redefining what you thought something meant. It's quite easy to get something wrong and upon reflection, say "whoa wait a minute!"... maybe that isn't what that meant after all. What are you ruling out because of this?

Taking inventory.

Unlike your phone, you're not necessarily going to get a warning. It may come up as a feeling: Restlessness, overwhelm, dissatisfaction... just trust when it starts coming up that now's the time.

What's going on for you right now? Everything good?

Is it time for a recalibration of sorts? 

Are you ready?

Let's get to it...

Your challenge...

Here's your work and maybe not just for the week ahead... chances are you might want to take some time with this one. When you make a decision to assess, it takes thought and reflection.

What precedent have you set that no longer applies?

Make some space for what comes up and be prepared to let go of some things that no longer make sense for you.

What about all the day to day things?

They can have a sneaky way of taking up space.  Look at them, question them.  You may realize, oh yeah, yeah, this really does matter. I'm keeping this.

This is the thing. Taking inventory doesn't mean you toss out the things that add value. It's a good idea every now and then to stop and take a look.

What's no longer working for you that's taking up too much bandwidth?  Just like breathing, in order to bring new things in, sometimes you have to let something go first to make room.

Food for thought.

Want to learn more about how a few sessions with me can dramatically increase your confidence? Contact me I guarantee you'll be glad you did!

Warmly,

Ann

Overloaded?

What's keeping you up at night?

Is it wanting to do something and not yet finding the courage to do so? Are you wanting more but don't know where to start?

Hesitating to make that move, take a chance, to step towards the edges of your comfort zone?

You're not alone...you're human.  I know I say that a lot and it's purposeful.  Forgetting that you’re a mortal being with fears and doubts is common.  Expecting to breeze through all of life's challenges is admirable for sure and perhaps a little unrealistic.

Asking for a leg up, some help, can feel pretty vulnerable. Again...you're not alone. It took me years...yes, years, to finally admit that I needed an expert.  Not my friends, not my family or others that knew me, but someone who had no agenda for me other than helping me get some clarity.

A leap that paid off in dividends and...I had to swallow my pride, open my heart, and be vulnerable.

There's nothing wrong with you.

Swallowing your pride is step one, because regret is real. There's data to support it. When people look back on their lives, they never regret taking chances. Nope. They always regret not doing the things that tugged at their heart. The things they couldn't find the courage to.

Don't let that be you. It's NEVER too late.


Are you ready?

Let's get to it...

Your challenge...

I want you to go deep this week, to dig into the thing that's tugging at you, the thing that's keeping you up, or constantly on your mind. That thing.

Ask yourself these questions:

When I'm on my deathbed what will I think about - the hesitating, the doubt, the fear?

Who or what is holding me back from doing this thing?

What risk seems so insurmountable to me right now?

In the rearview mirror it's funny how things become smaller, insignificant, almost silly.

What does that thing look like now?

I promise you...it's NOT too late to get started.

Let's start building the confidence you're seeking to make that move, take that step.

I've got you.

Want to learn more about how a few sessions with me can dramatically increase your confidence? Contact me I guarantee you'll be glad you did!

Warmly,

Ann

What’s keeping you up at night?

Change isn't the enemy...your fear is...

The enemy isn't the change, the unfamiliar, or the unknown. The enemy is the fear of the change, the unfamiliar...the unknown.

Enemy sounds like a strong word...for purposes of this blog I use the definition of enemy to be: "a thing that harms or weakens something else, as in "fear is the enemy of change."

If you're working on making a change, you may recognize some of the feelings that can come up. The doubt, the idea of getting uncomfortable...because it is uncomfortable to make a change, even if it's for very good reasons. It still makes you uncomfortable. That's normal.  Our brains are biased towards the familiar. That's why you will hold on to and do the same things repeatedly, even if you're not satisfied with what they're getting you. The human condition.

There's no getting around it, even if you're a seasoned expert, when faced with making a change, you will always have that initial catching of the breath, the heart pitter patter, or maybe you feel it in your gut.

The difference with being a "seasoned change expert" is that you've built up your toolkit and you're quickly able to shift from the fear to:

• Recognition.

  • Ah...there's those feelings.

• Acknowledgement.

  • I know that this is a normal part of making a change.

• Make a plan.

  • If you're good at change, you probably already have something you can rely on.

And if you're new with it? It takes more time, especially depending what it is that you want to do.

Recognizing, acknowledging, making a plan...the practice.

That's the focus for today. 


Are you ready?

Let's get to it...

Your challenge...

It's summer. I'm writing these blogs well in advance so as I write this, it's early July and you're going to read this in August. By the time you read this, changes that I've been thinking about will probably be made. That's because I'm practiced at this.

How about you? Where are you sitting on the fence about something, or really, really feeling like you want to make a change and you're struggling with moving from the familiar.

Here's your work this week:

• Start by cutting yourself some slack.

  • All your responses are probably normal. Change will trigger fear and your natural propensity to stay with the familiar.

• Take some time to recognize and acknowledge those very human feelings.

  • Know that this is a normal part of making a change.

• Make a plan.

  • That plan may be one small step to seek some advice or input. It can be small.

• Build on that step.

  • That's the beauty of small steps, when you commit to small, doable steps, the next one can be equally small.

You can do it.

Want to learn more about how a few sessions with me can dramatically increase your confidence? Contact me I guarantee you'll be glad you did!

Warmly,

Ann

Change isn’t the enemy…your fear is…

Are labels limiting you? Possibly...

Why do we always look for labels?

Probably because, from the moment we're born and learning to talk it matters that we have labels for things so we understand that: This is a shoe...this is a stick...this is a cup...

This makes perfect sense. These are fixed identifiers...for things.  A shoe is a shoe and will always be a shoe.

Where labels are less useful...is when you affix them to people.

• They're difficult.

• They're not competent.

• They're unreliable.

• They're...you fill in the blank.

Labels.  Used to explain someone's behaviour rather than exploring. We put limits on others when we label them.

But...what if it's YOU believing in, or attaching labels to yourself...putting limits on you and your potential?

In fairness, it's not necessarily your fault. Many of those labels have come from years ago by the people surrounding you, especially in your formative years. That's the first thing to let go of...to realize that the labels you've worn for so long are someone else's projection on you. If those labels are weighing you down, or don't feel true...it's time to take a look at them.

You're a grown up now and consequently, you get to decide what sticks and what doesn't. 

Probably the most important thing is looking at the labels that are getting in your way and to start questioning them.

The ones that are eroding your confidence and keeping you from doing the things you really want to do.

• I'm not a risk taker.

• I'm a victim.

• I'm bad at ...

Who told you that? Pay attention. 

Taking the time to examine the labels that are holding you back can reveal what's really true for you. One by one, peeling off the ones that aren't true so that the real you can shine through.

This is work.


Are you ready?

Let's get to it...

Your challenge...

Identify one "label" that you've been wearing that's holding you back. One that you want to challenge.

Start by asking yourself the following questions:

• Who or what circumstance led to this label?

Look at that label again.

• Take a deep breath and ask yourself: "Is this really true"? 

Once you ascertain this information, check in and ask yourself:

• How is this label limiting me?

What's possible for me if I let this label go?

• Allow the answer to come to mind.

Now what?

Probably the first thing is to notice what it feels like to decide that you're no longer going to identify with that label. Liberating? Scary? Something else?

By answering these questions one by one, you can peel off the labels that aren't true so that the real you can shine through. You've got this.

Want to learn more about how a few sessions with me can dramatically increase your confidence? Contact me I guarantee you'll be glad you did!

Warmly,

Ann

Are labels limiting you? Possibly…