Nothing changes...

"They" say that nothing changes, if nothing changes...

This is mostly true. If you continue to do what you've always done, you'll probably get what you've always gotten. Taking into consideration that the world is going to change too and that will influence things ...but mostly you're in charge.

You have far more control over how things go than you think.

Are you continuing to do the same thing and expecting a different result? It sounds ludicrous when you say it out loud.

Of course, your world is going to change...people are going to come and go, careers are going to change, relationships... all of this and more.

What are you expecting to change that hasn't changed?

If you look at your life right now, exactly as it is, ask yourself "What are the consistent behaviours and habits I've been doing up until now that have led me here?"

After reflecting on this...answer the question:  "If I continue to do what I'm doing now, am I going to be happy with how things are a few years from now?"

Let the answers bubble up, or it may require that you give it some more thought. Go for a walk. Journal. Take some time to deeply explore the idea that if you continue on the path you're on, are you going to be satisfied three years down the road?

I recently asked myself this question and surprisingly, the answer was yes, in three years with a few little tweaks I will be satisfied if I continue down the path I'm on.

It surprised me because a few years ago when I asked myself that question, I had a very different response. A response that led me to do some deep work. Asking myself some very uncomfortable questions and then, taking action to change what the next few years would look like.

Uncomfortable, necessary and, ultimately...worth it.


How about you? When you ask yourself that question, what's the answer? Happy with the trajectory you're on?

If you're not satisfied, or you look forward and think "Oh sh*t" ...then now's the time to start making small changes.

Small. They don't have to be big changes. It's more about the small things you do daily. These tweaks will change your life exponentially over time. Similar to how you got to where you are now…it took years of doing or, not doing things to end up where you are now.

Whether it's your health, your career, your relationships...any of those things. They are an accumulation over time of the choices you've made or didn’t make, mostly small and they have a sneaky way of catching up with you. 

Making a change requires a mindset shift. If your head goes to "it's always been this way, it'll always be this way" - these are classic mindset traits that are keeping you stuck where you are.

That's where it starts, making a conscious choice to say that you want things to be different down the road.

Now what?


Are you ready?

Let's get to it...

Your challenge...

Nothing changes overnight. Things change over time...and you've got time.

For this week and as we head into the classic time of change, the "New Year", start to think of one little thing, one area of your life where you would like to see a change.

Is it your career? Your physical health? Your relationships? Pick one you'd like to envision being different a few years down the road. 

• Start to explore.

  • What's one little thing you're doing right now that if you tweak it slightly, things will look different for you in three years?

Don't overcomplicate it.

• For example: Let's take your physical health.
  

  • It could mean looking at how you start your day and deciding that you're going to get up 10 minutes earlier and stretch. What would your life look like in three years if you did this one little thing?

What would be different?

Doing something bit by bit...that's sustainable.That's how you change that thing that you've decided you want to change. One small step at a time.

If you need help shifting that mindset of yours Contact me  I may not have the answers but I do have questions for you that may help direct you to where you need to go. 

Want to learn more about how a few sessions with me can dramatically increase your confidence? Contact me I guarantee you'll be glad you did!

Cheers,

Ann

Nothing changes…if nothing changes.

What are you anticipating?

Careful...you just might get it!

Self fulfilling prophecy. I think that's what they call it...the idea that what you anticipate becomes your reality.

It's true.

How often do you head into a situation with your hands clenched and your jaw tight, with the anticipation that it's going to be difficult or challenging and then walk away and think...yep...that's exactly how it went. I knew it would. Yes you did. You're not surprised at all. Whether you like it or not, you decided up front that the situation was going to be difficult, and so you went into that situation in that state.

What do I mean by state?

Essentially, your state is your behaviour, emotions and thoughts at any given time. Some may compare it to your mood, but state covers pretty much everything. When you head into a situation anticipating that it's going to be difficult, consciously or not, you're going to go in with that posture, those emotions, those feelings and thoughts. So it's really no surprise that it goes exactly as you predicted.

What you anticipate creates how you show up. Your state.

Think about a time something felt difficult. A real memory. It could've been getting your kid out the door to school this morning, navigating a traffic snarl, deciding on which invitation to accept. Whatever it was, notice: What was going through your mind? How were you feeling? What were you doing? Pay attention. This is an example of your state when things are difficult for you. 

Now, think about heading into a situation where things don't typically go smoothly. Maybe it's a negotiation, a meeting with a group in your organization, or a phone call you have to make. You get into that same old mindset...this isn't going to work out, this is going to be a battle and...lo and behold, once again, it is.

This isn't chance. This is you deciding before you even get started that thing's aren’t going to go well. Of course, you're not necessarily thinking that consciously, but when you decide or think that something's going to be difficult, somehow, it is.

What if you anticipated another outcome?

You might be surprised that this can also be true, that by choosing a different way to show up, you'll influence the outcome. Not only the outcome, but the process of getting there. What if the process didn't have to be difficult? What if the process was engaging? What would be different?

Are you ready?

Let's get to it...

Your challenge...

What's coming up for you this week where shifting your mindset would change the outcome...for the better?

Check in now. It could be any situation where you routinely cringe before it and walk away with the "I knew it would go poorly" sentiment. That thing.

Ask yourself:

• How would I rather it went?

  • Replace the word that you typically anticipate with something more useful.

  • For example: Rather than a battle, what if it's an adventure?

• What state would be useful to support this outcome?
  

  • If you want it to be an adventure, how do you need to show up? 

Your state is...

• Your thoughts.

  • How would you have to be thinking for it to be an adventure?

• Your emotions.

  • How would you be feeling? Excited, curious...

• Your behaviour.

  • How would your thoughts and emotions come through in your behaviour?

How would the "typical" outcome change?

Try it.

Your mindset determines so much. Shifting one little word… can change the trajectory of the encounter.

If you want to work on shifting your mindset. Contact me  Wouldn't it be great to get an outcome you'd rather have?


Want to learn more about how a few sessions with me can dramatically increase your confidence? Contact me I guarantee you'll be glad you did!

Cheers,

Ann

What are you anticipating?

Unexpected roadblock?

If you're doing anything worthwhile, you will hit a roadblock...or two...it's the price of admission.

It's always about what you do next that matters. Roadblocks...inevitable. Your response...a choice.

It's about getting to the point where you learn to roll with those things, and have a coping mechanism that you can rely on to get you through. Maybe that seems too simple, and if you're not practiced in this, you may be skeptical.

When you do the work to prepare for these things, then you can manage when those roadblocks show up.

What's a roadblock?

It could mean anything...in your work when you feel roadblocked, because you're not making it to that next level; in a relationship that's not going where you thought it should go. Those things. Life.

Roadblocks will never disappear, fortunately, you can prepare so that you are equipped when they do show up.

It's a practice.

Do you ever wonder about those people who seem to be calm, cool and collected, no matter what the scenario is that they may be facing?

They're really no different than you.The number one difference? They have built a toolkit that they can automatically pull out when those situations arise. They get to the point that they're so good at it, that when something happens, they take a moment to get grounded, and then they ask themselves:

What's my next best step?

This isn't magic, this is preparation. This is doing the work and then consistently practicing it so that you're prepared.

This doesn't mean that shit doesn't happen, or that you avoid it. It means that by practicing you have built resilience, and it's this resilience that helps you bounce back sooner than the average individual.

Are you ready?

Let's get to it...

Your challenge...

It always starts with checking in. What's your current default behaviour when you hit a roadblock? 

That's step one.

• Noticing.

  • Without judgment, with curiosity instead.

• And if you're working with curiosity...

  •  Ask yourself, "How would I rather respond" in this situation?

Not a question that you're going to ask in the moment...initially. The act of noticing is a win.

Time and patience...paying attention to when these situations occur. Let's face it...life is always going to provide lots of opportunities for us to practice on. It's practicing how you want to be with so much consistency that when a situation does come up, you're prepared, you're ready.

All of this is possible for anyone. Yes...you too! 

If you're looking for help with this Contact me , let's see how we can link arms and get you showing up and responding in the way you want to.


Want to learn more about how a few sessions with me can dramatically increase your confidence? Contact me I guarantee you'll be glad you did!

Cheers,

Ann

Unexpected roadblock?

Illusion or myth? How about both...

Can we talk about the illusion of perfection and the myth that everyone else has it all figured out?

One doesn't exist, and the other is a lie.

The reality...failure and mistakes. This IS the real pathway to growth...not smooth sailing.

The problem...how much meaning is given to the mistakes. Mistakes tend go to your heart, your core. It's easy to let them define you. It's so human. We look for the negative and we give it more attention than the positive. Think about it...media wouldn't survive if the focus was on the good stuff. 

I recently saw a sign on a business that said "Imperfection is a form of freedom"  it really landed with me. When you're free to make mistakes - essentially...be human - there's a liberation that can happen. Are you brave enough to make mistakes?

Freedom comes with accepting this reality and reminding yourself that no one has it all figured out. No one.

This is a myth.

Can we take a moment now to dispel the myth that you're the only one “not in the know?” Here's the thing to remember...no one has it all figured out...even the people that look like they do? They don't. This is what separates us. Looking over there and thinking they know it all, and they're looking over at you thinking the same thing. The illusion and myth do not discriminate. No matter what role you may or may not have. In fact, the higher up the food chain, the more likely you are to think that others in the same place as you have it all figured out.

This is isolating, and it's this myth that keeps us apart. The reality is what can bring us together.

The sooner you give up the illusion of perfection, and the myth that everyone else is in the know, the better off you'll be. The only reality is to progress.

Practice. Fail. Learn. Repeat.

Everyone's doing the best they can with what they have. Everyone.

Are you ready?

Let's get to it...

Your challenge...

How would your perspective change if you aligned yourself with the truth that perfection doesn't exist and that no one has it all figured out?

• What if imperfection was a form of freedom?

  • How would making mistakes change?

• What if instead of assuming everyone else has it all figured out you understood that this is impossible?

  • How would you look at your own shortcomings differently?

• What if you truly have everything you need right here, right now in this moment?

  • What would you notice about yourself that you haven't noticed before?

Let's stand shoulder to shoulder to dispel the illusion and the myth. You're doing great.

Want to learn more about how a few sessions with me can dramatically increase your confidence? Contact me I guarantee you'll be glad you did!

Cheers,

Ann

Illusion or myth? How about both…

Do you need to be in control?

Do you need to be in control?

The topic of conversation that I seem to be having, not only with clients, but with others in my life, and possibly myself...is the idea of control.

Control - "The power to influence or direct people's behaviour or the course of events". One of several definitions out there, and for our purposes, it works.

Control, without a doubt, gives a sense of safety and security. The idea of "being in the driver's seat" and who doesn't want to be in the driver's seat?

Being in the driver's seat is great and...sometimes you're going to find yourself in situations, whether it's at work, home, or in the grocery store, where you want to control what isn't in your span of control.

Those things. It happens.

Making the distinction...is this in my power to manage or not? Knowing this is key. When you understand what's in your span of control, the effect on your stress level becomes much more manageable. Feeling "stressed" about something you can't change isn't useful.

Not sure how to manage?

There's a flow chart I've seen about worry that also nicely addresses the idea of whether you can control a situation or not.

Asking yourself - in this situation, do I have a say in the outcome? Is this in the realm of my control?

If the answer is, yes fantastic, take the action you can.

If the answer is no, find some way to either accept that or find out...is there a way that you can influence the situation?

Spending energy on the things that you can't control is a waste of time and can cause frustration and unnecessary stress. However, there's always something you can do...even if it's changing your attitude about the fact that you aren't in control. Accepting it. Letting go.

Are you ready?

Let's get to it...

Your challenge...

For this week, start to notice when you get those feelings that you have no control, and I say feelings, because there are physical feelings that come up that you may not be aware of. It could be feelings of anxiety, or feelings of anger, whatever those feelings are for you, identify where they're coming up.

Noticing is always the first step.

Then you can ask yourself:

•  In this situation, do I have a say in the outcome? 

  • If the answer is, yes fantastic, take the action you can.

• If the answer is no.
  

  • Either accept that or find out...is there a way that you can influence the situation?

Once you have that information...you get to decide how you want to be in the situation and yeah, you always have a choice.

Want to learn more about how a few sessions with me can dramatically increase your confidence? Contact me I guarantee you'll be glad you did!

Cheers,

Ann

Do you have "spidey" senses?

Do you have "spidey" senses? Yep. You do...we all do.

Whether you call them "spidey" senses or more commonly...instincts, how are you when it comes to noticing them and following their guidance?

Do you trust your instincts?

I'd like to think I do and a recent experience had me questioning myself.

Keeping a long story short, my husband and I were out at a busy food court, and his wallet was pickpocketed right as we sat eating our food. You might be wondering...how the hell did that happen Ann?

How indeed.

Here's the thing, I was feeling off when I saw an interaction happening behind my husband. I don't know if this ever happens to you, but I get kind of jumpy, I knew something was weird, but I couldn't put my finger on it. My spidey senses were on high alert.

It wasn't until, maybe 15 minutes later when we were walking through the mall, my husband put his hand in his pocket and his wallet was missing...I knew right away...that's why I felt off. 20/20 hindsight, right?

So what happened? 

There's so much that can happen in the periphery that we miss. But the body doesn't lie. It's a storehouse of information. It also has super keen senses that we don't even understand. For you...it might be a gut feeling, or a feeling in your heart. 

*Neuroscience tells us that intuition is a very real process where the brain makes use of past experiences, along with internal signals and cues from the environment, to help us make a decision. This decision happens so quickly that it doesn't register with our conscious mind.

The enteric nervous system that regulates our gut is often called the body's “second brain". This extensive network uses the same chemicals and cells as the brain to help us digest and to alert the brain when something is amiss.*

Intuition is sensing something. It’s information.

Is your gut always right? Not necessarily, and still, the information is always worth considering.

If you're not tuning into those senses, you're missing out on a storehouse of information that's there for you to grab, and not all of it is "bad". It can serve as a guide for you. It's a "knowing" but you have to pay attention to it.

So let's check in with you. How are you with trusting your spidey senses?

Are you ready?

Let's get to it...

Your challenge...

Pay attention! What are you missing that's just beyond your grasp?

For this week, really start to notice when you get a hit of information just before you're about to make a decision. Apparently that's when your senses kick in...nano seconds before your brain does, and that's truly where the gold is.

That's what confident people are able to tap in to. Learning to question those feelings rather than ruling them out. Treating them as information that's worth considering.

Want to learn more about how a few sessions with me can dramatically increase your confidence? Contact me I guarantee you'll be glad you did!

Cheers,

Ann
*Confidence *Mindset & Performance Coaching

• https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC3845678/

Do you have “spidey” senses? Yep. You do…we all do.

Hoping for the best? That’s not a strategy.

Have you ever walked out of a meeting, or maybe more importantly, a conversation with a loved one, and thought...that didn't go how I'd hoped it would.

Here's the thing...hope is not a strategy...preparation is.

Do you relinquish your outcomes to someone or something else and hope for the best?  I get it. The times in my life when things didn’t go so well were definitely those times when I didn’t take the time to get clear about what I wanted. I left things to chance and walked into situations feeling less sure of myself, and, when you’re less sure of yourself, the person in the room who is prepared is going to win. Every. Single. Time. Yikes.

Conversely...

I can definitely trace my successes back to one common thread.  When I was clear about what I wanted...my outcome, and I spent time preparing for it, my successes increased exponentially.  I knew exactly how I was going to show up and trusted that this would influence my outcome, and it definitely did. 

How often do you head into an important meeting (or a conversation with a loved one) where the stakes are high and you hope for the best?

When you don't prepare you're putting your "hopes" of a successful outcome in the hands of the other person…because the truth is, the most prepared person will usually get what they want. Hands down.

Whether it's at work or probably, most importantly, at home...where emotions are involved...and with family...they always are, it's even more critical that you do the preparation.

Plan. Prepare. Practice.


Are you ready?

Let's get to it...

Your challenge...

If you're ready to stop relying on hope to get the outcome you want, here are a couple of tips to get you going.

Before your high stakes, no do-over conversation or meeting do this:

• Plan.

  • Write down your desired outcome, yes write it down "old school" with pen and paper.  This helps to get the learning or in this case the intention in your head.

• Prepare.

  • Visualize the meeting or conversation playing out how you'd like it to go. Make it vivid, put yourself in the place you'll be, what you'll be wearing...the more detail, the better.

• Practice.

  • Repetition is key. The more you practice the more relaxed and ready you'll be for the situation.

Are you ready to move from hope to a strategy? Contact me and together we'll get you prepared.

Want to learn more about how a few sessions with me can dramatically increase your confidence? Contact me I guarantee you'll be glad you did!

Cheers,

Ann
*Confidence *Mindset & Performance Coaching

Hoping for the best? That’s not a strategy.

Do you toot your own horn?

Do you toot your own horn? Probably not nearly enough...

Talking about yourself, the things that you've done well, or you're proud of, can be difficult. Especially if you're female, or in a culture where talking about yourself is frowned upon.

Not comfortable with tooting your own horn? You're limiting yourself. How are others supposed to know what you're good at?

Are you comfortable articulating what you have to offer clearly without feeling "braggy"?

I read somewhere that it's not bragging if it's the truth. It's stating facts.

The mistake that you make is that you assume that others know. They don't.

That's YOUR job!

It's time to lead by example. It's time to talk about what I do really well.

A client starting their third session, said to me, "I've been in therapy, worked with social workers and other professionals, and you've done more to help me in the last two sessions than years of therapy* has".

I was humbled and a little speechless and tucked it away.

Then I started reflecting. "How is everyone else supposed to know all of this if I don't talk about it?" So after nine years as a coach, 4.5 years after authoring my first (of three) books and now facilitating my "Connect to Your Confidence" workshops... I'm ready to say - I'm really good at what I do! and I want you to know that. Gulp.

Now it's your turn...


Are you ready?

Let's get to it...

Your challenge...

• Start looking for opportunities to share your strengths.

• Stop assuming that others know - start telling them.

• Remember: It's not bragging if it's the truth. It's stating facts.

Writing this felt more than a little uncomfortable, and keeping my offerings to myself isn't helping me or YOU...and ultimately, I want to help YOU.

Want to learn more about how a few sessions with me can dramatically increase your confidence? Contact me I guarantee you'll be glad you did!
Cheers,

Ann

*Therapy is a useful tool and it is not coaching. Likewise, coaching is a useful tool and is not a substitute for therapy.They can coexist.  

Do you toot your own horn? Probably not nearly enough…

Why do you want that thing?

Why do you want that thing?

Based on the feedback I received...last week's blog* hit a nerve with a few of you. 

If you've figured out what you want...the next question is "Why do you want that thing?"

It's the end of September! In the business world, this signals the start of the last quarter...the final push to hit your targets. 

Think about those things that are on your list of goals that you're not quite achieving, or even getting around to. Here's a chance to check-in and ask yourself some questions with the caveat that, when you're in business working for someone else, there may be less control over what those goals are. 

For now, let this be about your personal goals, those things you're doing for you. Goals that you set at the beginning of the year. Are there some that just aren't happening?

Time for a check-in.

Does your goal have you on the run? It matters.Are you running away from something, or are you running towards something? 

Running away from what you “don’t want’ is not the same as running towards something you want.

When you're “running away” from what you don’t want, there may be some relief, but also an energy of fear and desperation. Most likely, you're in flight, fight or flee mode.

When you're "running towards" something, the energy will feel different. The excitement of possibilities and a fresh start, a chance to learn and grow. 

It's complicated.


Are you ready?

Let's get to it...

Your challenge...

If you're not making progress towards your goal. Ask yourself: Where am I heading right now...towards or away from something?

Here are some tips:

• Stop! Before you go any further, stop.

  • Catch your breath and clear your mind.

• Ask yourself:

  • Is this something I want?

• Think. Be still.
  

  • Take the time to be quiet with your thoughts. Journal if that's your practice.

Take the time to get CLEAR. This will help you to determine your next step.

Looking for clarity? Contact me Two heads are better than one!

Want to learn more about how a few sessions with me can dramatically increase your confidence? Contact me I guarantee you'll be glad you did!

Cheers,

Ann

Why do you want that thing?

This bears repeating...again!

This bears repeating...again.

Start asking for what you want. Not what you don't want!

While recently away on vacation I was in a restaurant where a young family was sitting close by. Over and over again the parents kept repeating to their two children "Don't throw that, don't touch that. Don't don't don't"... This is not a criticism! It's an observation of totally normal behaviour.

Here's the thing about "don't"... because of the way our brains work, we have to think about doing the thing that we're not supposed to do, and then not do it. It's complicated...especially for a kid!

So of course, the kids would do the thing that the parents didn't want them to do!  I had to hold myself back from giving advice. As a parent, I wish I'd known this when I had young kids. When you know better, you do better. I also figured that it was none of my business, they weren't hurting the kids in any way. It just might have made their life easier.

It's human, we tend to react, rather than respond. When we learn to take a pause and breathe, we're more likely to ask for what we want, then to continually ask for what we don't want. 

It takes practice.

This is a reminder for all of us to be cognizant of what we're asking of others when we make a request, and also paying attention to how we're thinking in our own heads. "I don't want, it can't, I never."...make sure that you're careful about how you frame things for yourself. Your brain will look for what you ask it to look for...just like those kids were only doing what their parents were really inadvertently asking them to do...we do the same thing. We constantly mention the things we don't want to have and then are surprised when they show up.

It's simple but not easy.

It's a mindset shift. Changing how you say things, how you ask for things, how you think about things. And it's a practice worth doing.

Skeptical?

That's fine. I love skeptics. I'm probably the most analytical, logical, and skeptical person you'll ever find...and I know one of the functions of the reticular activating system (RAS) in our brain is to turn unconscious thought into consciousness. So what does that mean? You notice and pay attention to things that you give importance to. When you say you don't want something, your brain actually doesn't recognize "don't" it thinks you want it, so it'll find it for you. Ugh.

Are you ready?

Let's get to it...

Your challenge...

Are you curious about where your default setting is when it comes to asking for what you want? Are you being clear?

Here are some sneaky ways you may be inadvertently asking for what you don't want...

• Don't forget to pick up the milk (or whatever else it may be!).

• Don't touch the remote. 

• I don't want to be late.

Instead, try these:

• Remember to pick up the milk.

• Put the remote down.

• I'm going to be on time.

You get the idea. Focusing on the action you want versus what you don't want isn't only for kids! It creates clarity for adults too!

Language...a couple of small shifts can make all of the difference. 

Need a default check up of your own? Contact me  you'll be amazed by how a few small tweaks can have an incredibly big effect.

Want to learn more about how a few sessions with me can dramatically increase your confidence? Contact me I guarantee you'll be glad you did!

Cheers,

Ann

This bears repeating...again!