Self promotion...icky?

Can we talk for a minute about self-promotion?

Self-promotion carries with it, whether we'd like to admit it or not...a stigma. "Oh, they're so full of themselves. Look at them tooting their own horn." ...many comments along those lines, when, in fact, the only way for people to understand your particular skills, strengths, and capabilities is for you to tell them!

And of course...this tends to be more prevalent with women, which is why:

• They miss out on opportunities.

• They don't apply for the position because they don't tick every box.

• They wait for someone else to tell someone else about how good they are.

And then, no surprise here...they miss the boat. They miss the boat on opportunities that they're capable of but they didn't have the confidence to declare what they have to offer. This needs to stop.

One of the most common reasons I hear for this behaviour?

It feels like bragging.

Here's what actually happens when you're promoting yourself - you're telling the truth about yourself...and if something's true, you're not bragging, you're stating facts.

I'm gonna go out on a limb here. If you were socialized as a female, chances are people pleasing and seeking approval, we're on the menu. Don't get too loud. Don't get too big for your boots. All those different sayings, and if that wasn't your experience...that's amazing!

However, I've seen enough women in my coaching practice to substantiate this information. Not speaking up or promoting themselves because of the perception that others will not like it.


What does this create?

• It creates individuals who are afraid to talk about their skills, strengths and capabilities.

• It teaches us to tamp down who we are because we don't want to make other people feel smaller.

What a load of crap...the ultimate achievement for all of us is to be ourselves and support others in doing the same.

Are you ready?

Let's get to it...

Your challenge...

Whether you're a woman or a man, it's time to reframe "self-promotion".

Let's start with some of the many definitions of "self promotion" that are out there:

• Attempting to present yourself to others as an accomplished, capable, smart, and skilled person.

• Your sense of personal identity and of who you are as an individual.

• When an individual tells or shows others their accomplishments, skills, and talents.

The benefits?

• You're letting people know about your exciting projects or what you're learning on the job and this can be a way to teach, connect, and collaborate with others.

Self-promotion is essential for relevance in a competitive and easily distracted work environment...you can't expect your work to speak for itself...you have to be the voice for it.

Nothing icky here...it's a skill...which is good news. You can learn any skill if you want to.

So get out there...toot your horn!!

Need help shifting your mindset...  Contact me 

Cheers,

Ann

Self promotion…icky?

Don't take things so seriously...seriously!

Don't take things so seriously...no one gets out of here alive!

It's so easy to get caught up in your day to day "stuff" especially when you have responsibilities, jobs, things that feel really important, your deliverables, all that good stuff.

The thing that we can lose track of and often do, is that there's a lot of other things outside of that that aren’t just equally important, but maybe more important? The things that we tuck away to the side, because perhaps they're not as pressing and therefore don't feel as important, or we don't make them as important...your families, friends, your interests, heck yourself! And, like it or not, the fact that none of us can avoid is...none of us is getting out of here alive, right?

It was just about a year ago when I was slapped in the face with this reality. Losing a dear friend. Nothing puts things into perspective more instantly than an experience like that.

As time moves on, I challenge myself to keep this perspective.  It's so easy to fall back into old habits and behaviours.

So what do you and I need to do to balance things??

Take the things you need to take seriously, seriously, and then draw a line somewhere, set some boundaries.

Remember that most of us...unless you actually are a paramedic, a nurse, or some sort of physician...aren't saving lives directly. Yes, your work may have an impact on that, and at the end of the day...paramedics, nurses and physicians also need to draw a line as well...have boundaries.


What can this look like?

• Incorporate more of what's important to you that's not work into your daily life.

• Find space for your hobbies, quiet time, self-reflection, spending time with people you love.

• Do more things that energize you...things that fulfill you.

It can be a tall order. Especially when you can get caught up in the importance of who you think you are and what you're "doing". Pulling away from that can feel difficult. However, if, with full awareness, staying where you're at IS what matters...then go for it. I wanted to prompt you, to remind you...that there's so much more.

So now, what?


Are you ready?

Let's get to it...

Your challenge...

Are you in need of some sort of reality check? Even if you think you aren't...take a moment now to consider these reminders:

• Take stock, now.

  • Maybe for you, everything is aligned. You're doing all the things you want to do, including the things you love and all is well...bravo! You have balance and are happy and satisfied most of the time.

  • Maybe you're in a position where things aren't where you want them to be, you're in a constant state of overwhelm and wishing you had more time for the things that recharge and energize you...this is a chance for you to check-in. Perhaps to set some much needed boundaries.

• Knowing it is key.

Recharging and participating in activities that energize you is what will allow you to be able to give more to your work responsibilities, creates less resentment, and adds more balance. 

Life's short and truly is precious...so make sure that you're happy with how it's playing out for you.

Need some help figuring it out? Contact me and let's set up your FREE chemistry call.

Cheers,

Ann

Don’t take things so seriously…seriously!

Barking up the wrong tree?

Have you been barking up the wrong tree?

What a funny expression! Barking up the wrong tree...chasing something that might not be yours to chase or maybe isn't even where you're looking. Picture the dog at the foot of the tree thinking the squirrel's there when it's already moved on to the telephone pole.

The best time to realize this? Before you go all the way there and get it.  Realizing before you get there and course correct.

What are some signs you're barking up the wrong tree?

• Frustration.

  • Maybe you've been somewhere too long and it's not giving you what you want or need anymore.

• Irritation.

  • You're finding that the things that used to be engaging are now a source of irritation.

• Just not "feeling it" anymore.

  • Try as you might, you're not as jazzed as you used to be about that thing.

The "feeling it" part matters.

Your default is to go up into your head. To rationalize it, to explain to yourself why doing what you're doing is what you're supposed to be doing. Doing this despite your heart and oftentimes your gut screaming at you to let you know that's not what it wants.

Trying to assimilate somewhere where you don't belong. Even if you're just realizing it now.

That's okay, realizing that you're somewhere that's become a little too small for you or where your aspirations aren't being fulfilled is the first step in assessing where you want to go next. Because knowing what you don't want is the first step. But it's not enough. You have to have an idea of where you want to go, and often knowing what you don't want is a really good pointer. It's information that's leading you towards the things that matter for you.

Now what?


Are you ready?

Let's get to it...

Your challenge... 

Are you barking up the wrong tree? Maybe you're not feeling frustration or irritation, for you it could be something else.

Maybe it's a good time to pause and reflect here...to find out what this brings out in you.

• The best way to do this?
  

  • Remember a time when you realized that you were in the wrong job, relationship, location, anything that when you look back you had that moment of recognition.

• Notice how you felt when you knew something wasn't for you. 

  • Maybe there's tension in your body. Tightness in your chest or an ache in your belly. Pay attention.

• What cues are there for you to recognize?

  • This is important. You're learning how to read your own body and often, your body knows before your brain does.

Stepping away from something, someone, a group, a situation, can be tricky.  Learning the signs that it's time...that's gold.


Need some help? Contact me and let's set up your FREE chemistry call.

Cheers,

Ann

Are you barking up the wrong tree?

Are you ready?

How do you know?

For me...readiness is often something I feel in my body. When I think of readiness, I think about being at the start line of a race and I have this feeling in my chest, this pulling forward...excitement, energy, and maybe some butterflies...all of that.  And, in that moment I know I'm ready.  While I haven't been at the start line of a race for a very long time...that's still the feeling I associate with being ready.

What's also true is that readiness has to be a conscious decision. You can have all the facts, all the information, but at some point you've got to decide...which way are you going to go?

When you've made that decision...that's the opportunity to check-in with your body. To ensure the decision is congruent with your heart and your gut first...leave your head out of it for a minute.

Here's something I like to do with clients when they're struggling to make a decision: I ask them to remember a time when they made a decision they were satisfied with...and to keep it little....something simple. The thing is…the feeling of readiness is mostly consistent. Allowing yourself to feel what's going on in your body...letting your head take a back seat. Focusing on what your heart and gut are feeling...that's the information you're after.

Then we go deeper about the decision they have to make - pros, cons, what's getting in their way. Eventually we get to a point where they do make a decision. We don't stop there. I'm a big believer in testing out decisions.
It's about testing that decision against what they already know...how readiness feels for them. Checking in again after they've done the work is what confirms that it's the right decision.

How do you make decisions?


Are you ready?

Let's get to it...

Your challenge... 

Is there a decision you've been sitting on the fence about?  It could be big or small.The process is the same:

• Step 1.

  • Get quiet, take a breath. Call to mind an experience in your life where you felt ready. Notice the information that's there.

• Step 2.

  • If you're doing this on your own, prepare a "pros and cons" list and then review it.

• Step 3.

  • Make a decision. Pick one item from your list that you're going to do.

• Step 4.

  • Check in with your body and notice what it's telling you about the decision you're making. Is it a go or a no/go?

Repeat this with all of your options.

This is something that involves practice and it's a cool way to get yourself to think about something before you commit to a decision.

Need some help? Contact me and let's set up your FREE chemistry call.

Cheers,

Ann

Are you ready?

Is it all about you?

Is it all about you? It's complicated...

It's not about you and it's all about you. It's tricky.

Let's face it when we're in situations we are always looking at it from our own perspective, our own lens, our feelings, our emotions, all of our experiences and thoughts. Of course we are!

Everything comes into play. You can lose track of the fact that in any situation, whether it's with one other person or a room full of people, every single person there is doing the same thing...they're looking at it through the lens of their own thoughts, emotions and experiences. Ah, humans.

You wouldn't be human if you didn't consider a situation from your perspective. However, it can be a bit of a pitfall, especially in situations where someone else may be experiencing something that you know nothing about and you either:

• Look at their behaviours and you make it about you.

  • We've all done that...and it's not useful. Human...and not useful.

• That's when we start to say, if I was in their shoes I'd... 

  • All that sort of stuff that comes out and when you forget that you're not them, they're not you.

• You jump to conclusions...

  • And think you know exactly how to "fix" or advise on the situation.

It's tricky.

Two pieces of advice from the book "The Four Agreements" by Don Miguel Ruiz that I particularly like and remind myself of.  You may find them helpful as well...

• *Don't make assumptions.

  • "Find the courage to ask questions and to ask for what you really want."

• *Don't take things personally.

  • "Nothing others do is because of you. What others say and do is a projection of their own reality."

This reminds us that being curious about getting clear can prevent unnecessary confusion and lowers the natural inclination to think that someone else's situation, behaviour etc. is about you.

Rather than jumping to conclusions, advice or solutions. Ask questions first.

Are you ready?

Let's get to it...

Your challenge...

Instead of making it about you...

• Separate your feelings, opinions, judgement etc.

  • Ask yourself: What is it about this situation, person etc. that's bringing up these feelings   opinions etc. in ME.

• When you examine it from this perspective you're probably going to discover that something is bumping up against a value that you hold or an experience you've had..it always circles back to you...of course.

  • Remember, the situation is still not about you. 

• You have to let people be who they're going to be and then you choose how you're going to be. 

  • Simple but not even remotely easy.

Need help managing this...  Contact me 

Cheers,

Ann

Is it all about you?

Everything is temporary...

Everything is temporary......

If you're going through something right now, and it's really crappy...you can trust that eventually you're going to return to your baseline.

Conversely, if you're riding a high and things are amazing, that too will eventually settle down and you'll again return to your baseline.

It's what we do.

The interesting question might be, what's your baseline and why does it matter?

When I'm referring to baseline, I'm talking about your mindset. How you operate pretty much all of the time, how happy you are, how you view your world on a regular Tuesday afternoon. If that's in good shape...then, as you were...if not?

That's where the work begins. Shifting your mindset, because your mindset is the lens that filters your world...creates the reality you experience.

What's your lens like?

There's a term "rose-coloured glasses" for a reason. I'm sure you've met people like that. Everything's always great...unrealistic...but you understand what kind of lens they have. 

And...you've probably met people where everything's doom and gloom. They're always looking for the cloud. Equally unrealistic but also a lens nonetheless.

Let's talk from the perspective of optimism and resilience, which are very much linked to your mindset.

To be clear, being optimistic has nothing to do with "rose coloured" glasses. It's the ability to recognize, especially when things aren't going great, that it will get better, that you have everything you need to ensure that that happens. 

Why does this matter? When shit hits the fan, or when that high lowers, where do you land? What's your baseline?

Mindset shifts. That's what it takes to reframe how you see the world. To alter that lens so that it's not always looking for doom and gloom.

Optimism creates resilience...resilient people are optimistic. Coincidence?

Are you ready?

Let's get to it...

Your challenge...

What IS your baseline...the place you return to after the crap dissipates or the high is done?

• Rose coloured glasses?

• Doom and gloom?

• Somewhere in-between?

Not happy with your baseline?

Here are some small mindset hacks to help you up your game:

• Shift your language.

  • If you find yourself using language like: I never, it always, I can't, it's them...

  • Start noticing.

  • Ask yourself: Is this really true?

• Reframe how you look at things.
  

  • If you tend to look at challenges from the lens of "I can't" ...

  • Start noticing.

  • Instead of saying "I can't" add "yet" to the end of that statement.

• Ask for feedback.

  • If you truly want to change your baseline mindset...

  • Enlist some truth tellers to give you feedback.

  • Be open and receptive.

Shifting your mindset to a more optimistic one is the key to building your resilience. This doesn't mean that "bad" things don't happen...it means that you're able to move through them more quickly. You return to your "baseline" and from that perspective you're able to decide your next best move.

You CAN do it.

Need some help figuring it out? Contact me and let's set up your FREE chemistry call.

Cheers,

Ann

Everything is temporary…

"We'll cross that bridge when we get to it..."

"We'll cross that bridge when we get to it..."  - my Dad and maybe my Mum too!

Are you one of those people who's always getting ahead of yourself?

• Catastrophizing and creating things that aren't even there?

• Looking at the things that can go wrong when you haven't even checked in with the first step?

I remember my father (maybe my mother too?) used to say "We'll cross that bridge when we get to it."

There's so much wisdom there.

It's not avoidance. It's about staying focused on the current situation so you can effectively manage it, rather than jumping the gun and moving five steps ahead. Yes, by all means plan. Planning matters...but if that planning is causing you undo stress and anxiety it might be the time to check in and ask yourself: 

• What if I waited and crossed that bridge when it happens?

• What energy would it save me now?

• What would I be able to focus on now that matters?

Worth considering? Probably...because that bridge may never come - so be aware but don't over prepare.



Are you ready?

Let's get to it...

Your challenge... 

Is there a situation right now where you're getting ahead of yourself, catastrophizing and worrying about all of the "things"? Things that you're creating that may never come to pass? Causing yourself undo stress.

• Maybe you're waiting for the result from an exam you just wrote.

• Maybe it's a medical test result.

• It could be waiting for an answer to a favour you've asked that feels big. 

What if you stay the course and then cross that bridge when it came? Because here's the thing that "bridge" - the story you've got going in your head -may never come. 

Have a plan...but don't overplan. No matter what it is...if the bridge comes...remember...you always have options. 


Need some help managing your fear? Contact me and let's set up your FREE chemistry call.

Cheers,

Ann

“We’ll cross that bridge when we get to it…”

Fear is sneaky...watch out!

Fear is sneaky...watch out!

One of the biggest misconceptions people have about me? They think that because I'm a confidence coach, I never feel fear.

Nothing could be further from the truth! Just a couple of weeks ago, I caught myself getting ready to let fear stop me from doing something.  Busted.

Thankfully I was in conversation with my coach when I had the epiphany that I was letting fear take charge of a situation. I called it out...phew...it was a close call.

I'm not immune to this very normal response and it's these experiences that make me relatable.  I really do get you.

So let's unpack some facts on fear...

• Fear is a natural "alarm bell" that your brain rings any time you want to make a change...because it's wired that way. 

• As long as we still have our natural response system complete with our amygdala...fear is something we have to learn to accept and work with.

• It's always gonna magnify what could go wrong and minimize what could go right.

When I think of my own fear, I treat it like a gateway... a check in point...it's usually a sign that that I'm on to something worthwhile. When I take this perspective, it actually excites me. It opens up my curiosity rather than immediately vetoing something because I'm afraid...because, let's face it, if you're about to embark on something new, it should make you feel a little bit scared. It's normal.

Non-scientific example of what happens in that head of yours...

You: I'm going to start something new!
Your brain: I'm going to put an alarm bell on that, to ensure that you start to second-guess, overthink and hopefully remain status quo. 

Ooh, lies.

Yes, the reason I'm a confidence coach is because I know how sneaky fear is and I know that it has the ability to limit your potential IF you let it take over.


Are you ready?

Let's get to it...

Your challenge... 

Is there a situation you're in right now where fear is driving the bus? Or maybe you can think of a previous situation where fear took over.

• Fear is a natural "alarm bell" that your brain rings any time you want to make a change...because it's wired that way. 

  • Recognize this and understand that the quickest way to quell fear is first, to acknowledge it and then take action.

• As long as we still have our natural response system complete with our amygdala...fear is something we have to learn to accept.

  • As I was recently reminded...it's really uncomfortable AND it's a liar. Call it out!

• Fear is always gonna magnify what could go wrong and minimize what can go right.

  • It's our brain's way of saying I want to keep you alive and safe. 

When you understand this you will recognize when fear is trying to take the wheel...and learn to take it back.

Just because you feel fear doesn't mean you're not capable. It makes you human.  Let that sink in.

Need some help managing your fear? Contact me and let's set up your FREE chemistry call.

Cheers,

Ann

Fear is sneaky…watch out!

What kind of breadcrumb trail are you leaving?

Do you ever wonder what kind of breadcrumb trail you're leaving? 

As Maya Angelou the American memoirist, poet, and civil rights activist famously said.  'I've learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel."

No matter what lens you're looking from...your work, as a parent, partner, sibling, friend, influencer etc. Pick one and ask yourself...What kind of bread crumb trail am I leaving here?

It matters.

No matter what you do, intentionally or not, you are leaving an impression on those around you. Some might call it your reputation...your character...a demonstration of your values. When you look behind you, what do you see?

We all know that it really doesn't matter a rat's ass what someone says. What really matters is what they do, how they show up. Are their actions matching their words? That's the proof right there. The impact. The trail.

It's about integrity. 

What have you been modelling? What kind of legacy do you want to leave? You're already doing it.

It's not how you show up when things are good. It’s how you manage yourself when things aren't good...when you're angry, frustrated, disappointed, it's all those things...that become a part of your trail.

When you reflect now, are you proud? Embarrassed? Humble? Disappointed?

It's information.

At any given point, you can switch direction, you can change something. If you're not happy with how it is. You can start to drop different breadcrumbs. Right now.


Are you ready?

Let's get to it...

Your challenge... 


Not sure what kind of trail you're leaving behind?

• They say how we do one thing is how we do everything so pick one particular area of your life that you're curious about and then recruit some truth tellers.

• Keep in mind that your friends aren't always your truth tellers and your truth tellers aren't always your friends.

• Who do you need to reach out to to get the most useful feedback?

An exercise worth doing.

Need some help figuring it out? Contact me and let's set up your FREE chemistry call.

Cheers,

Ann

What kind of breadcrumb trail are you leaving?

It's all about timing...isn't it?

Right timing? It feels different.

Yes, timing matters. Doing things now, taking steps especially when it's something you really want. When you feel overwhelmed by the entire process, taking one step is all it takes to get things going. It starts the ball rolling.

Right timing?

Right timing is being able to say no to something so that something else becomes possible. It's also being able to say maybe. Not ruling things out.

I often use the "Is it a hell yes?" litmus test when it comes to decisions... and recently...I shifted gears...

If it's not a "Hell No" then maybe...it's a maybe.

Cracking the door open, taking a peek.  Not necessarily committing and not ruling out either.

Options.

Imagine the first step is putting the key in the lock...it's cracking the door open...and open is the word here, because it's all about being open. 

There are always options.

• Take the step.
  

  • Let's say you don't like where it looks like it's heading.

  • So you take a step back and here's the big thing...by taking that one step, by dipping your toe in... you've changed. Even though it might have been small, it's the fact that you took a chance, gave it a whirl.

You come back as a slightly different person. Something's shifted.

• Take the step.
  

  • This time you're like, yeah, yeah, I think I want to go more here.

  • Guess what? You can take another equally small step, just like that, because it's the incremental change that leads to the transformation.

Cracking the door open is the first step...being open to possibilities.

Right timing...not perfectly calculated timing.


Are you ready?

Let's get to it...

Your challenge...

You know what I'm gonna tell you, if you're in a situation where you're hesitating to take a step towards something you really want and you don't want to wake up regretting it one day...then take the damn step!

But this isn't about that, this is about the serendipitous thing that presents itself and causes you to think hmmmm. Something not even remotely on your radar...and then it is.

An unexpected curve ball...but not in the typical way you might view curveballs. Maybe it's an unexpected opportunity?

Check in.

It may not be a hell yes, or a hell no. Suddenly...it's a maybe.

Something worth considering. Right timing...

Need some help figuring it out? Contact me and let's set up your FREE chemistry call.

Cheers,

Ann