Did you make it? There's still time...

Did you make it to your "list"?

It's not too late!  Remember that list from the beginning of December?

Even if you didn't physically do the exercise you thought about it.

Whether you thought about it or actually did it...did YOU make it to your list?

Often when these lists are being made you don't make it on them. And if there's one thing that setting boundaries and priorities during this time of the year requires, it's that you are on your list of priorities!

The pressure to meet others expectations, the expectations of your work, cultural celebrations and all the other year end "stuff" can be overwhelming if you don't prioritize yourself and your wellbeing.

That's why I'm following up this week...to ensure that YOU make it to your priority list. And not just on the list...at the TOP of the list. Really.

Making you and your needs a priority is paramount to not just surviving this time of year but confidently thriving during this time of year.

What does self care have to do with confidence?  Much more than you might see on the surface.

• It's hard to feel confident if:

  • You're tired.

  • You're overwhelmed.

  • You're scrambling to do other things and your attention is being split in 50 different directions.

Confidence requires being intentional. Being clear headed about your desired outcome.

That's where it starts.

Awareness.

Are you even aware of what you need in order to take care of yourself? Noticing this alone is a start. Sometimes you can be so busy that you
don't acknowledge what you require for self care. 

Maybe it's time for that to stop? Maybe it's time to acknowledge your needs.

Let's stop glorifying busyness as something to aspire to, especially if that's the excuse for not practicing some sort of self-care. How about now. 


Are you ready?

Let's get to it...

Your challenge for the rest of the holiday break...


Commit to one act of self-care daily.  If this seems daunting, here are some suggestions:

• Listen to your body:

  • Rest when it tells you to. Take a nap. Go to bed early.

  • Move when it tells you to. Hike, walk, dance, work out - whatever your body asks for - pay attention.

• Savour some solitude.

  • Find a quiet space with a good book and read for the sheer pleasure of it.

  • Breathe.

• Connect.

  • First and foremost, connect with yourself.

  • Connect with those who are important to you, those who fill your cup and are easy to be with.

• Your turn...

  • Take a moment now to think of something you've been meaning to do as an act of self-care. Now do it!

The reason it's called "self-care"...you have to own and manage it...you have to be on your own list!

When you put your own health and happiness first, you're able to bring the best out in others too.  

Want to learn more about how a few sessions with me can dramatically increase your confidence, including your ability to take time for your own self-care? Contact me  I guarantee you'll be glad you did!

Warmly,

Ann

Did you make it? There’s still time…

Do you need a reminder? I did...

Prioritization isn't a "nice to have" it's necessary.

 Our "resources" are limited... 

Time. Energy. Tangible things too.  All of these resources have one thing in common...they are finite. Fact.

Prioritization isn't a "nice to have" it's necessary.

In case you're wondering...I'm bumping up against the prioritization thing too. I'm pretty sure we all do from time to time.  

Can you relate?

The clock's ticking, right now, end of year biz stuff, holiday prep, book editing**  and I’m doing what I need to do to keep all of the balls in the air…

I want to acknowledge that you too may also be feeling this way. Not with the same things as me of course but with your own stuff.  Maybe a family health issue, some last minute business deadlines, or an unexpected thing that's come up where you're being pulled in multiple directions.  No matter what it is, something's come along that's just been added to you're already full "to do" list. Ugh.

Here are some reminders for you...

It's okay to stop and gather your focus... Take a look at your to do list and make some calls. Ask yourself:

• What can I delegate?

• What can I put on the backburner temporarily?

• What can I scratch off permanently?

• Is this mine to do or am I doing it because I always have?

It's also okay to phone it in sometimes...

"Phoning it in" doesn't mean you don't give a s**t,  it means that you know where your attention is required, your priorities, your non-negotiables.

Prioritization.

One of the ways to prioritize is to look at your resources and assess...


Are you ready?

Let's get to it...

Your challenge...

Let's look at the following finite resources.

• Time:

  • Truly a no-brainer.  You only have 24 hours in a day.

  • What if you had a finite daily budget and you had to pay every time you gave your time to someone or something?

  • Would you be more selective with your time?

• Energy:

  • Hard to measure until you're all out of it and that's not where you want to get to.

  • Check in with yourself right now, yes now. How would you rate your current energy level on a scale of 1 - 10?

  • Is it where you want it to be?

• Tangible things:

  • It's easy to get caught up in the season of "giving".

  • Before you tap that card again...is it worth it?

  • Remember January comes really quickly.

When you pull back and prioritize...you get perspective. 

• What are your non-negotiables for where you're spending your time, energy and tangibles?

You can't do it all...


Want to learn more about how a few sessions with me can dramatically increase your self-confidence? Contact me  I guarantee you'll be glad you did!

Warmly,

Ann

** Yes!  My third book "The Confidence Recipe" is coming out in January!

Do you need a reminder? I did…

Things going sideways for you? That's good!

Things going sideways for you?  Funny how when someone says that things went sideways we automatically think that it's a bad thing...

I was out walking and I noticed two ducks that were swimming with the current. It was interesting to note how they were navigating the fast moving water. They used their feet like rudders to steer them and they didn't appear to be concerned with going in a straight line at all. In fact, at times it looked like they were purposefully going sideways, backwards and at one point they did a complete circle. Eventually, they made their way to their destination and moved out of my line of sight.

I guess it doesn't matter if you're on land or water...a linear path isn't the only way to get somewhere...

"Going sideways" commonly describes situations where things are not progressing as expected, or are not moving forward positively. It implies a lack of of progress and that can pertain to just about anything...in your career, personal and professional relationships, a project or even when it comes to building your confidence. The idea that something has gone sideways is not usually associated with good things. 

Is it always a "bad" thing?

It's typically not something you would seek to have happen and...when it does? Here's a chance to reframe how you look at it. Rather than getting frustrated or looking at it as something that's getting in your way or stalling your progress, take a look at how you can use it to your advantage.

As the year starts to wrap up it's not unusual to reflect on the past 12 months. How was your year? Did it go to plan? Or did something not follow the linear path you were hoping for? This may be the perfect time to put a different spin on 'things going sideways' especially if you're lamenting that 2023 hasn't exactly turned out the way you wanted it to. 

Sometimes things have to go sideways before they get back on track again.

This is a chance for you to look at that thing and maybe reframe it.

Are you ready?

Let's get to it...

Your challenge for the next FEW weeks...

As you round out the year and reflect, instead of thinking that you didn't meet your goal, what if you take some time to look at those things that didn't go to plan and reframe them.

• What are the benefits of things going sideways? 
  

  • Ask yourself: What is this here to teach me or help me with?
    

• It's a chance to get reoriented.

  • This reorientation can be exactly what you needed to see your next step, because the next step isn't always right in front of you.

• What perspective did you get that you wouldn't have if things had gone smoothly?
  

  • Approaching a situation from a different perspective may lead you to a piece of information that you didn't even know you needed!

Life is not a linear process!  It's the curve balls that keep you on your toes and give you the contrast you need to get new information or to recognize what's right in front of you. What if your year has worked out exactly as it was supposed to and you're right on point?

Want to learn more about how a few sessions with me can dramatically increase your confidence? Contact me  I guarantee you'll be glad you did!

Warmly,

Ann

Things going sideways for you? That’s good!

Do you know your priorities?

What are your priorities?

Let's build on boundaries...you're learning to say no to something, so you can say yes to something else. Making space rather than double booking yourself with "to dos"...bravo!

Here's the thing...you're still going to have a list of things that you want to have or do over the coming weeks. All of them are going to demand your time and energy. Fact. 

You're going to have to choose which one comes first. Prioritize.

When you're being pulled towards one thing it's naturally going to reduce your capacity for something else. If you want to maintain those healthy boundaries you're going to have to recognize that you only have so much bandwidth.  

So how the heck do you even do this?


Are you ready?

Let's get to it...

Your challenge for the next FEW weeks...


Here are a few tips to work with, customize as you see fit:

• Know your priorities for the rest of this month.
  

  • Put pen to paper or get into that app you use and start writing.

  • Trust the order that things end up on that paper/app. 

• Look at that list you just made and ask yourself:

  • Is this realistic?

  • Trust your gut on this one and edit it accordingly, including deleting items.

• Decisiveness matters.

  • Once you’ve made a decision, stick to it.

  • This is not the time to be oscillating back and forth and overthinking. Again, trust your instincts on this one.

All of this is a practice and everyone takes steps back...no matter how good they are at these skills. When you're faced with a pressure cooker of time to get things done it's easy to revert back to old habits and behaviours. Don't beat yourself up for it!!  Instead? Take the time to notice and course correct, one step at a time. You've got this.

Want to learn more about how a few sessions with me can dramatically increase your confidence, including your ability to prioritize? Contact me  I guarantee you'll be glad you did!

Warmly,

Ann

Do you know your priorities?

Tis the season...for stress and boundaries!

Feeling stressed?

Not surprising at all. Look at your calendar! This is probably one of the most stressful times of the year. Whether you celebrate Hanukkah, Christmas, Kwanza or nothing at all…the end of the year can create a tremendous amount of pressure. Layer on top of that the completion of end of year goals for 2023 and setting new goals for 2024...whew!! That's a lot.

Remember "Goldilocks"? She knew when the porridge, the bed, and the chair were just right. Not too hot, too soft, not too...you get the picture…

Stress can be like that: Too much and your circuits can get overwhelmed; too little and you have no oomph to get things done.  What do you need? Just the right amount to give you the energy to show up as your best self, no matter what this busy time of year throws at you.

It's possible. 

There's definitely something about a little bit of healthy stress - that boost of adrenalin - that can make you feel motivated and energetic and ready to get  things done.

AND... you still need to have some healthy boundaries in place or the stress can take over.

Boundary setting is a skill...  and just like any other skill, it takes practice and being willing to flub it up at first. 

Setting boundaries can be particularly tough if people pleasing and seeking approval are at the top of your list. Maybe for you it's a sense of obligation? Something you were told you had to do by your culture, or your gender perhaps. If you're one of those people who has a difficult time setting boundaries, go easy on yourself, this isn't something you're doing by choice... more likely by habit. Habits that were set up a very long time ago.

You've been socialized to please others and seek approval, NOT to set healthy boundaries.  Those habits were definitely useful to you at some point in your life. That was then. This is now. 

What habits do you have that are getting in the way of setting some healthy boundaries?

Over time, these habits may become a detriment to you and your well-being. Is it time to set some boundaries?

Some clues it may be time to set a boundary:

• You're more concerned about how someone else is going to feel than your own feelings.

• You start to feel resentful and maybe even angry.

• You've lost track of your own priorities or you've just let them go.

How do you put in place some healthy boundaries to ensure that your circuits aren't getting overloaded? 

Are you ready?

Let's get to it...

Your challenge for the next FEW weeks...

Here are some suggestions for managing your energy and setting some boundaries over the next few weeks

• Don't make someone or something else a priority over your own needs and selfcare.

  • Instead...make a list of things that are non-negotiable for you and then prioritize these first. 

  • A friendly reminder that, NO is a complete sentence.  

• Time:

  • Ask yourself : Do I have the time to do this thing?

  • Time is finite. We only get so much of it. If you're taking on something "extra", maybe ask yourself: What do I need to let go of in order to do this? 

• Energy:

  • This can be a tiring time of year. Extra requests are being made of you on top of your already busy schedule. In addition to time, your energy can take a hit. When you get asked to do that thing, ask yourself: Is this what I really want to spend my energy on?

Here's some food for thought if you're new at this boundary setting skill:

• When you start to set boundaries expect some pushback.

  • This won't come from those who support and respect you,..

  • it's going to come from those who benefited from your lack of boundaries.

• Be prepared for a whole different set of feelings.

  • For example, feelings of guilt and fear are a normal part of the process.

  • If you're not used to setting boundaries, this often comes up.

When you decide to put a line in the sand remember, it can feel a bit risky if it's something you've never done before. The thing about risk is, avoiding it means no risk andif you don't take a risk, nothing's going to change. 

Remember this:

“The only people who’ll be upset by your boundaries, are those who benefited from you having none.” - Unknown 

Mic drop.


Want to learn more about how a few sessions with me can dramatically increase your confidence, including your ability to set boundaries? Contact me  I guarantee you'll be glad you did!

Warmly,

Ann

Why work with me?  As a Confidence Coach, I help you to be intentional in all of your interactions. Especially those where there's no "do-over".  Contact me  Let's get started!

Did you miss my last blog? They're always available on my website www.steppingstonecoaching.ca



**Check out my YouTube Channel!  Short Confidence Tip Videos...and some bloopers!
 https://youtube.com/@anndeluca8060

Tis the season…for stress and boundaries!

Whoa! Slow down!

Whoa! Slow down!

Are you flying by the seat of your pants, rushing from one thing to another? I get it...we all do that from time to time, rushing to get to the end so you can move on to the next thing...and in some situations, it's perfectly fine. Where it's not fine? In those onetime high-stake situations where there's no do-over and your outcome matters significantly.

When you're a high achiever you tend to have your eye on the next thing and the idea of slowing down can be difficult to sit with. It's always 'on to the next thing'... that's cool...until you're finding that you're not getting any traction on that next thing, that's when slowing down makes sense.

Think of it like a car spinning its wheels on an ice patch...hitting the gas doesn't help. What does? Backing up a little, looking at the situation, deciding where you want to go and then slowly putting your foot back on the gas pedal. Knowing where you want to get to...being clear. 

It sounds counter intuitive and it's true...to gain momentum, sometimes you have to slow down and get really clear first and then go and execute.

Clear on what?

The endgame. Your outcome. Your intention. The obvious but sometimes forgotten critical step.

Being crystal clear on what you want, being specific. 

Why does it matter?

• The more specific you are about your desired outcome, the easier it is to prepare for it and the more likely you are to be successful in getting it. Especially when you're in a situation where others want to get something too.

There are things you can do to prepare, to get clear and confident and more likely to get what you want.

Why does this matter?

When you're prepared for situations and you know what you want…you're able to respond rather than react, you can anticipate potential blips and be equipped with a calm confidence rather than scramble and lose your end goal.

It's a practice. So...let's practice!


Are you ready?

Let's get to it...

Your challenge...


Pick an upcoming situation where being more confident will be useful. 

Ask yourself:

• What do I want to get out of this situation?

  • If you don't know, take some time now to really think about it.

• Once you've decided what you're outcome is...

  • Prepare! 

Here are a couple of tips to consider for your preparation.

Think of that goal you want or a bite sized part of it.  Then take five minutes and imagine the following:

• Picture yourself already achieving the goal you want. Where are you? Who's there?

• Imagine how you behaved, what did you do that helped you achieve that goal.

• Think of a skill or capability you have that was instrumental in achieving this goal.

• What did you believe about yourself and your identity that made this achievement possible?

You can think through this and visualize or if you prefer, you can journal the answers.  Notice what feels different about your goal when you do this exercise.

Remember...the person who shows up with a clear outcome and prepares for it is far more likely to get it.

Want to learn more about how a few sessions with me can dramatically increase your confidence? Contact me  I guarantee you'll be glad you did!

Warmly,

Ann

Whoa…slow down!!

In case you're wondering...

In case you're wondering… you're right on track...

It's hard to trust that everything is unfolding as it should when things in the moment might be a bit crappy. The challenges and obstacles that are in your way right now...what if those challenges and obstacles were actually building blocks?  The things you need to get to your destination?

It may feel crappy now but when you're looking in the rear view mirror those moments become your triumphs...the  moments where the spark is being ignited...the skill being built...the small steps being taken despite the challenges and obstacles.

As we approach the middle of this month and the end of the year, this is your friendly reminder to check in and to remind you of your tenacity, your persistence and how being consistent with your practices is what matters when you're building any skill.

I'm here to remind you that you're probably far more capable, competent and skillful than you give yourself credit for. 

It's really easy to get caught up in looking forward all of the time, at where you're heading and where you want to learn and grow...at what you still have to accomplish in order to...

What happens when you continually look forward and see all the challenges ahead? You can forget to recognize all those wonderful skills and capabilities that you have that you take for granted because now they come "naturally" to you. The things that you've grown through time that are now done with unconscious competence. Those things. Because when you get to a certain level of capability it's super easy to forget the sometimes painful experiences that led to getting to where you are now. The self-doubt, the lack of belief in your capabilities, all of those elements that a beginner can feel.

Now look where you are!

This is my intention today: to have you stop and explore something that you're doing right now that you don't give a second thought to. Something that long ago you were struggling with and now you do with your eyes closed.  I'm guessing that something comes to mind for you?  Yes, that thing.

Let's explore that.

Are you ready?

Let's get to it...

Your challenge...

Think of that thing that came up for you, the thing that you now do without thinking. Just trust what comes to mind for you.

• Go back to when you made the decision to do that thing.

  • What drove your decision to start?

• Remember the very first step you took.

  • How small or big was the first step?

• Trace the steps you took along the way to mastery.

  • Notice that the path probably wasn't linear.

• What obstacles do you recall?

  • How would you describe them now?

You're a master at that thing now! You can do it in your sleep.

It's easy to lose track and take that skill or capability for granted because it's become "something that you do". Remember that it wasn't always this way.

Building any new skill takes time, practice and patience. Stay the course...you've got this.  You're right on track...

Want to learn more about how a few sessions with me can dramatically increase your confidence? Contact me  I guarantee you'll be glad you did!

Warmly,

Ann

In case you’re wondering…you’re right on track…

Who are they anyway?

Who are "they"?

The "they"...referenced in your head, sometimes they're specific people and often it's a generalization.  Them. The 'they' that live in your head that truly only exist there. 

How often does what 'they" say or think get in the way of your confidence or the ability to show up as 100% you? More often then maybe you'd like to admit.  That's okay, you're normal and human. Caring what 'they' may think was a survival instinct in the long ago times. Maybe it wasn't described like that and certainly, staying within the boundaries of your tribe was the safe thing to do. The thing that literally kept you alive. 

You're not in those times now but the tribal pull can be so strong. 

What would they do? What would they think?  Exhausting and, again, not really helpful for you and your confidence.

The more you grow your confidence, the more you're going to recognize how little 'they' actually matter.

And possibly more importantly, how little 'they' actually give a rat's ass about what you're doing. Truth. They're consumed with their own things, their own 'they team'.  Maybe they hide it better than you do but it's probably there somewhere deep down.

So how do you get to the point where 'they' start to diminish in importance?

It's a process, a never ending process.  You're not alone and the pain points that are keeping you from confidently showing up are pretty universal. 

Ready to address some of them?


Are you ready?

Let's get to it...

Your challenge...


Pick a situation you're in right now where the pull to please "them" is putting the brakes on something you want to be, have or confidently do.

Let's identify and put to rest some of the most common things or ideas that can get in your way...

• Self doubt...
  

  • This one's popular for sure. You're ready to do something and then you doubt your readiness because you aren't prepared enough or you're not as experienced as someone else.

  • Don't let you be your own biggest naysayer!

•  Fear...
  

  • Don't you wish you could abolish this one?!  The feelings are so real and yet they will step aside the minute you decide to take a step...despite what 'they' may think!

• Comparison,..
  

  • Definitely the thief of joy.

  • When you compare yourself to someone else it's often you comparing what they have to what you don’t have, when in fact, your super power is not that! You're not supposed to have what they have! You're supposed to be shining your brightness around.

Damn "they"!  When the lights go down and the curtain comes up, it's all about you on the stage, and what you offer. Not you trying to be a second rate version of someone else. Recognizing that they feel the same way you do and are looking at you to shine so they can see the breadcrumb trail you're leaving is what it's all about.

Now get to it!  Don't deny the world of you and your particular uniqueness.  We need you!

Want to learn more about how a few sessions with me can dramatically increase your confidence? Contact me  I guarantee you'll be glad you did!

Warmly,

Ann

Who are they…and why do you care?

Still waiting?

Tick tock...tick tock...

I was having a discussion the other day about "timing". How there's no right or perfect time and yet, this is continually used as a reason to delay, to not get started.

I see you. You have a pain point, something that's getting in your way, holding you back and you wish it was different. Could be a belief, an underlying fear,  a decision you've been "meaning to make", a lack of confidence...

It really doesn't matter what "it" is...

It's the curiosity around the waiting. The wondering...what if?

I'm deliberately referring to it as a "pain point" because waiting for things to get better or to take action can literally be painful.

Where did the idea that there's an ideal time come from? I don't know! That's why I'm asking you!  We talk about the right time as if it's really a thing. People will even use words like the time isn't right right now... based on what?

Delaying making the decision to just get started, and then realizing, regretfully, that time has passed and you could've been feeling so much better about the situation a long time ago. Can you relate?

Ask yourself.

• What's something I'm putting off right now?

• What's stopping me from taking one micro step towards the thing I want to be, have or do? And want is key here...

There's always an underlying want...typically disguised by "I don't want" statements. Start there. Start by thinking about what you want.
It's easier to get started when you're moving towards something you want rather than trying to avoid something you don't want. Seems subtle and yet it's very different.

You have to know what you want and then decide that you're ready to take some sort of unbelievably small step towards it.

Ask for help, sign up for the class, hit send on the email, phone a friend. Whatever it is...the little steps get you in motion. And once you're in motion, that's where the momentum to keep going begins...


Are you ready?

Let's get to it...

Your challenge...

Pick somewhere in your life where you're waiting for the "right time". A place where you're tired of waiting to feel confident enough to take that step. 

Ponder these questions:

What's holding me back? Probably the same things that hold just about everyone back:

• Not trusting yourself enough to believe that you can do "it", that thing you want to do.

  • Being a beginner and trusting that you CAN grow a new skill.

• Being afraid that someone will figure out that you don't know it all.

  • No one knows it all. NO ONE!

• Having a mindset that keeps you looking for the downside rather than the opportunities.

  • Ask yourself...what if this does work out?

All of this is b******* and it's the thing that keeps you from how close you are to being the most confident version of yourself. From waiting for the right time to taking a step. It really is a micro step.

There's no time like now to get started. Make the decision to act...start with the smallest action. Repeat. Because regret is real and action usually doesn't lead to regret.  

Want to learn more about how a few sessions with me can dramatically increase your confidence? Contact me  I guarantee you'll be glad you did!

Warmly,

Ann

Still waiting? Tick tock…tick tock…

Are you going through the motions?

Do you 'go through the motions' sometimes? Full disclosure here, I'm working on a big project...and the boots are to my glutes so to speak. The clock's ticking, so for me, right now, I’m doing what I need to do to keep the lights on…going through the motions...

I want to stay in connection with you, that's a priority for sure, and for this week? In order to be consistent and show up in your mailbox, I'm sending you this quick note so that I can focus on my bigger priority for the time being...it's a way to say hi, I'm here, thinking of you. 

I practice what I preach.

How about you?

Maybe your situation is different?  It could be a family situation that needs more of your focus, a health issue that needs some attention, or maybe you're going on that well deserved trip you've been planning. Regardless, something's pulling you away from all of the things that are calling for your attention.

It's okay to stop and gather your focus when you need to and go through the motions elsewhere. Going through the motions doesn't mean you don't give a s**t,  it means that you know where your attention is required, your priority, and you're going to do the minimum to keep all of the "other" things going. It could mean that your other non-negotiables are temporarily modified, you don't necessarily stop doing the other things, you do what you have to do to keep them afloat with the intention of going back to them when you have the capacity.

When you have a bunch of balls in the air and you're struggling to keep them from dropping, ask yourself:

• Which one or two can I put on the backburner temporarily?

  • Create a bookmark to go back and check in on these when you're ready to take them on  again.

You'll collect them later if they matter because quite frankly, sometimes when you drop a ball or two you actually realize they weren't even yours to start with.

Are you ready?

Let's get to it...

Your challenge...

Have you had to prioritize your world lately? Let's explore for a minute...

A funny thing can happen when you pull back and prioritize...you may discover that:

• The new level of attention you're giving other things is actually more appropriate.

  • Some of the things you've put aside really don't matter when you go back and revisit them.

• What else happens? 

  • You get perspective,  you're managing your priorities and perhaps you realize that some things only required you to go through motions. 

You can't be "on" everywhere, all of the time, it's just not possible.

Where in your life right now do you need to go through the motions and where do you need to double down and focus? It's okay. The whole thing is realizing that's where you're at and that's what you need to do right now. It's temporary.

Want to learn more about how a few sessions with me can dramatically increase your confidence? Contact me  I guarantee you'll be glad you did!

Warmly,

Ann

Are you going through the motions? That’s okay…