Do you take your own advice?

Do you take your own advice? Hmmm...

Maybe you do...maybe you don't.

Believe it or not, every now and then, probably not as often as I should...I do take my own advice*. It might be because sometimes I'll be in a circumstance and someone close to me will say "Maybe you should read your own material."

Ouch, and it's so true. What's that saying..."Do as I say...not as I do"...ugh. Being human over here! 

Recently, I was in new circumstance and it had me in awe of the courage of my clients. It's scary to be taking on something new, to be a beginner again

It's not necessarily like being a kid when it was exciting to try new things. 

Doing something new now? It can be full of trepidation and fear, even if it seems simple and pretty benign. Those human reactions will come up every single time.

So here's what I did without giving you all the details of the situation, which, in and of itself, was pretty benign. It was the whole idea of stepping into something on my own, with no reference point, that felt really intimidating...and I decided to do it anyway. It felt awkward being in surroundings that were unfamiliar, being completely overwhelmed by all of the "foreignness" of the situation.

But here's what happened. I took my own advice and...

I asked for help.

Not surprisingly...people are really willing to give it and, asking for the first piece of assistance got me on my way. Then, as bumps occurred, because they did, I would stop and remind myself that I've done new things before. I've done things that felt foreign before. I can do this, and step-by-step...I accomplished what I set out to do. Go figure.

We are creatures of habit and routine. That's normal, and what this situation reminded me of is the fact that even the littlest things can help us to practice using the muscle of newness. Allowing us to prove to ourselves that we can do new and challenging things.

So here's my question for you.

When's the last time you did something for the first time?


Are you ready?

Let's get to it...

Your challenge...

Here's my challenge for you over the next little while. Due to the time of year, this may afford you the opportunity to do something new.

It doesn't have to be a big thing...in fact practicing on the small stuff will still build that muscle.

  • It could be trying a different food.

  • Saying yes to an engagement that you normally wouldn't.

  • Watching something you haven't given a chance to, or reading new material.


The little things that might put you on the edge of your comfort zone. Those things.

Maybe for you, it's more than that. Maybe there's something you've been thinking about for a while, and you've been waiting for the nudge to give it a try...here's your nudge...

I can't tell you the rush I got by figuring this thing out and getting home and realizing, well, yeah, I can do new things...and so can you!

I’ll ask you again…”When's the last time you did something for the first time?”

Want some help along the way? Contact me I get it!


Cheers,

Ann

*As a coach I don't give advice however, I sort of do in my books:

And my videos...
YouTube https://www.youtube.com/@ann_the_coach

Do you take your own advice?

Waiting for something to happen?

Have you ever considered that while you're waiting for something to happen...something's happening?

It's so easy to get caught up in what you're hoping for, or what your future plans are, that you can miss what's happening right in the moment. What if you paid attention to that?

This is a common phenomena that I see with clients. Constantly looking down the road for that next thing and entirely missing what's going on right in front of them. Often it's the opportunities that are right there in the current situation that they're in. Hidden in plain sight.

It's about paying attention. 

What's actually going on where you are right now? 

  • Noticing this definitely has the power to impact the "down the road thing" that you're thinking about.

  • Getting caught up in a specific thing that's "out there" can cause you to lose sight of the other possibilities that are right here.


What can you do?

It's easy to live in the future especially if you're not satisfied with where you are now and...if you've already "checked out", you're definitely going to miss some useful information. 

What kind of information?

  • The kind of information that becomes available to you when you consider the parts of what you're doing now that bring you fulfillment. When you're looking over at the greener grass, you will filter out the good in your current situation. It's what we do.

  • When you take the time to appreciate the good things in your current situation you can  bring this information forward with you. 


It's about having the wherewithal to actually pay attention and be present in your current situation. I get it... if you're not satisfied and you want something to change, it's easy to jump ahead, and it's in that jumping ahead that you're missing the nuggets of wisdom. They're there for you to gather and take with you.

By all means, plan for that move ahead. It's good to want more for yourself. But...don't jump ahead and lose the lessons. That's a big miss.

What are you missing?


Are you ready?

Let's get to it...

Your challenge...


For this week, how about you do some data mining? 

  • Take stock of where you're at right now.

    • Remember...you're biased to look for what's not good.

    • Make a point to notice the information you're disregarding. This may feel like a mining expedition if you've only been focusing of the "bad stuff".

    • Get a little more curious about that and ask yourself "Where could this be useful for me down the road?"

Once you review your insights ask yourself:

  • Is now the time to be running, or is now the time to be gathering?

  • What if I noticed what's happening now while I'm waiting for something to happen?

There's no one and done answer. Just food for thought.

"Life is what happens when you're busy making other plans..." John Lennon
Truth.

If you're looking for perspective  Contact me I'm really good at what I do.

Want to learn more about how a few sessions with me can dramatically increase your confidence? Contact me I guarantee you'll be glad you did!


Cheers,

Ann

Waiting for something to happen?

Nothing changes...

"They" say that nothing changes, if nothing changes...

This is mostly true. If you continue to do what you've always done, you'll probably get what you've always gotten. Taking into consideration that the world is going to change too and that will influence things ...but mostly you're in charge.

You have far more control over how things go than you think.

Are you continuing to do the same thing and expecting a different result? It sounds ludicrous when you say it out loud.

Of course, your world is going to change...people are going to come and go, careers are going to change, relationships... all of this and more.

What are you expecting to change that hasn't changed?

If you look at your life right now, exactly as it is, ask yourself "What are the consistent behaviours and habits I've been doing up until now that have led me here?"

After reflecting on this...answer the question:  "If I continue to do what I'm doing now, am I going to be happy with how things are a few years from now?"

Let the answers bubble up, or it may require that you give it some more thought. Go for a walk. Journal. Take some time to deeply explore the idea that if you continue on the path you're on, are you going to be satisfied three years down the road?

I recently asked myself this question and surprisingly, the answer was yes, in three years with a few little tweaks I will be satisfied if I continue down the path I'm on.

It surprised me because a few years ago when I asked myself that question, I had a very different response. A response that led me to do some deep work. Asking myself some very uncomfortable questions and then, taking action to change what the next few years would look like.

Uncomfortable, necessary and, ultimately...worth it.


How about you? When you ask yourself that question, what's the answer? Happy with the trajectory you're on?

If you're not satisfied, or you look forward and think "Oh sh*t" ...then now's the time to start making small changes.

Small. They don't have to be big changes. It's more about the small things you do daily. These tweaks will change your life exponentially over time. Similar to how you got to where you are now…it took years of doing or, not doing things to end up where you are now.

Whether it's your health, your career, your relationships...any of those things. They are an accumulation over time of the choices you've made or didn’t make, mostly small and they have a sneaky way of catching up with you. 

Making a change requires a mindset shift. If your head goes to "it's always been this way, it'll always be this way" - these are classic mindset traits that are keeping you stuck where you are.

That's where it starts, making a conscious choice to say that you want things to be different down the road.

Now what?


Are you ready?

Let's get to it...

Your challenge...

Nothing changes overnight. Things change over time...and you've got time.

For this week and as we head into the classic time of change, the "New Year", start to think of one little thing, one area of your life where you would like to see a change.

Is it your career? Your physical health? Your relationships? Pick one you'd like to envision being different a few years down the road. 

  • Start to explore.

    • What's one little thing you're doing right now that if you tweak it slightly, things will look different for you in three years?


Don't overcomplicate it.

  • For example: Let's take your physical health.

    • It could mean looking at how you start your day and deciding that you're going to get up 10 minutes earlier and stretch. What would your life look like in three years if you did this one little thing?


What would be different?

Doing something bit by bit...that's sustainable.That's how you change that thing that you've decided you want to change. One small step at a time.

If you need help shifting that mindset of yours Contact me  I may not have the answers but I do have questions for you that may help direct you to where you need to go. 



Want to learn more about how a few sessions with me can dramatically increase your confidence? Contact me I guarantee you'll be glad you did!


Cheers,

Ann

Nothing changes…if nothing changes.

What are you anticipating?

Careful...you just might get it!

Self fulfilling prophecy. I think that's what they call it...the idea that what you anticipate becomes your reality.

It's true.

How often do you head into a situation with your hands clenched and your jaw tight, with the anticipation that it's going to be difficult or challenging and then walk away and think...yep...that's exactly how it went. I knew it would. Yes you did. You're not surprised at all. Whether you like it or not, you decided up front that the situation was going to be difficult, and so you went into that situation in that state.

What do I mean by state?

Essentially, your state is your behaviour, emotions and thoughts at any given time. Some may compare it to your mood, but state covers pretty much everything. When you head into a situation anticipating that it's going to be difficult, consciously or not, you're going to go in with that posture, those emotions, those feelings and thoughts. So it's really no surprise that it goes exactly as you predicted.

What you anticipate creates how you show up. Your state.

Think about a time something felt difficult. A real memory. It could've been getting your kid out the door to school this morning, navigating a traffic snarl, deciding on which invitation to accept. Whatever it was, notice: What was going through your mind? How were you feeling? What were you doing? Pay attention. This is an example of your state when things are difficult for you. 

Now, think about heading into a situation where things don't typically go smoothly. Maybe it's a negotiation, a meeting with a group in your organization, or a phone call you have to make. You get into that same old mindset...this isn't going to work out, this is going to be a battle and...lo and behold, once again, it is.

This isn't chance. This is you deciding before you even get started that thing's aren’t going to go well. Of course, you're not necessarily thinking that consciously, but when you decide or think that something's going to be difficult, somehow, it is.

What if you anticipated another outcome?

You might be surprised that this can also be true, that by choosing a different way to show up, you'll influence the outcome. Not only the outcome, but the process of getting there. What if the process didn't have to be difficult? What if the process was engaging? What would be different?

Are you ready?

Let's get to it...

Your challenge...

What's coming up for you this week where shifting your mindset would change the outcome...for the better?

Check in now. It could be any situation where you routinely cringe before it and walk away with the "I knew it would go poorly" sentiment. That thing.

Ask yourself:

  • How would I rather it went?

    • Replace the word that you typically anticipate with something more useful.

    • For example: Rather than a battle, what if it's an adventure?

  • What state would be useful to support this outcome?

    • If you want it to be an adventure, how do you need to show up? 

Your state is...

  • Your thoughts.

    • How would you have to be thinking for it to be an adventure?

  • Your emotions.

    • How would you be feeling? Excited, curious...

  • Your behaviour.

    • How would your thoughts and emotions come through in your behaviour?

How would the "typical" outcome change?

Try it.

Your mindset determines so much. Shifting one little word… can change the trajectory of the encounter.

If you want to work on shifting your mindset. Contact me  Wouldn't it be great to get an outcome you'd rather have?


Want to learn more about how a few sessions with me can dramatically increase your confidence? Contact me I guarantee you'll be glad you did!


Cheers,

Ann

What are you anticipating?

Unexpected roadblock?

If you're doing anything worthwhile, you will hit a roadblock...or two...it's the price of admission.

It's always about what you do next that matters. Roadblocks...inevitable. Your response...a choice.

It's about getting to the point where you learn to roll with those things, and have a coping mechanism that you can rely on to get you through. Maybe that seems too simple, and if you're not practiced in this, you may be skeptical.

When you do the work to prepare for these things, then you can manage when those roadblocks show up.

What's a roadblock?

It could mean anything...in your work when you feel roadblocked, because you're not making it to that next level; in a relationship that's not going where you thought it should go. Those things. Life.

Roadblocks will never disappear, fortunately, you can prepare so that you are equipped when they do show up.

It's a practice.

Do you ever wonder about those people who seem to be calm, cool and collected, no matter what the scenario is that they may be facing?

They're really no different than you.The number one difference? They have built a toolkit that they can automatically pull out when those situations arise. They get to the point that they're so good at it, that when something happens, they take a moment to get grounded, and then they ask themselves:

What's my next best step?

This isn't magic, this is preparation. This is doing the work and then consistently practicing it so that you're prepared.

This doesn't mean that shit doesn't happen, or that you avoid it. It means that by practicing you have built resilience, and it's this resilience that helps you bounce back sooner than the average individual.

Are you ready?

Let's get to it...

Your challenge...

It always starts with checking in. What's your current default behaviour when you hit a roadblock? 

That's step one.

  • Noticing.

    • Without judgment, with curiosity instead.

  • And if you're working with curiosity...

    •  Ask yourself, "How would I rather respond" in this situation?

Not a question that you're going to ask in the moment...initially. The act of noticing is a win.

Time and patience...paying attention to when these situations occur. Let's face it...life is always going to provide lots of opportunities for us to practice on. It's practicing how you want to be with so much consistency that when a situation does come up, you're prepared, you're ready.

All of this is possible for anyone. Yes...you too! 

If you're looking for help with this Contact me , let's see how we can link arms and get you showing up and responding in the way you want to.


Want to learn more about how a few sessions with me can dramatically increase your confidence? Contact me I guarantee you'll be glad you did!


Cheers,

Ann

Unexpected roadblock?

Illusion or myth? How about both...

Can we talk about the illusion of perfection and the myth that everyone else has it all figured out?

One doesn't exist, and the other is a lie.

The reality...failure and mistakes. This IS the real pathway to growth...not smooth sailing.

The problem...how much meaning is given to the mistakes. Mistakes tend go to your heart, your core. It's easy to let them define you. It's so human. We look for the negative and we give it more attention than the positive. Think about it...media wouldn't survive if the focus was on the good stuff. 

I recently saw a sign on a business that said "Imperfection is a form of freedom"  it really landed with me. When you're free to make mistakes - essentially...be human - there's a liberation that can happen. Are you brave enough to make mistakes?

Freedom comes with accepting this reality and reminding yourself that no one has it all figured out. No one.

This is a myth.

Can we take a moment now to dispel the myth that you're the only one “not in the know?” Here's the thing to remember...no one has it all figured out...even the people that look like they do? They don't. This is what separates us. Looking over there and thinking they know it all, and they're looking over at you thinking the same thing. The illusion and myth do not discriminate. No matter what role you may or may not have. In fact, the higher up the food chain, the more likely you are to think that others in the same place as you have it all figured out.

This is isolating, and it's this myth that keeps us apart. The reality is what can bring us together.

The sooner you give up the illusion of perfection, and the myth that everyone else is in the know, the better off you'll be. The only reality is to progress.

Practice. Fail. Learn. Repeat.


Everyone's doing the best they can with what they have. Everyone.

Are you ready?

Let's get to it...

Your challenge...

How would your perspective change if you aligned yourself with the truth that perfection doesn't exist and that no one has it all figured out?

  • What if imperfection was a form of freedom?

    • How would making mistakes change?

  • What if instead of assuming everyone else has it all figured out you understood that this is impossible?

    • How would you look at your own shortcomings differently?

  • What if you truly have everything you need right here, right now in this moment?

    • What would you notice about yourself that you haven't noticed before?


Let's stand shoulder to shoulder to dispel the illusion and the myth. You're doing great.

Want to learn more about how a few sessions with me can dramatically increase your confidence? Contact me I guarantee you'll be glad you did!


Cheers,

Ann

Illusion or myth? How about both…

Do you need to be in control?

Do you need to be in control?

The topic of conversation that I seem to be having, not only with clients, but with others in my life, and possibly myself...is the idea of control.

Control - "The power to influence or direct people's behaviour or the course of events". One of several definitions out there, and for our purposes, it works.

Control, without a doubt, gives a sense of safety and security. The idea of "being in the driver's seat" and who doesn't want to be in the driver's seat?

Being in the driver's seat is great and...sometimes you're going to find yourself in situations, whether it's at work, home, or in the grocery store, where you want to control what isn't in your span of control.

Those things. It happens.

Making the distinction...is this in my power to manage or not? Knowing this is key. When you understand what's in your span of control, the effect on your stress level becomes much more manageable. Feeling "stressed" about something you can't change isn't useful.

Not sure how to manage?

There's a flow chart I've seen about worry that also nicely addresses the idea of whether you can control a situation or not.

Asking yourself - in this situation, do I have a say in the outcome? Is this in the realm of my control?

If the answer is, yes fantastic, take the action you can.

If the answer is no, find some way to either accept that or find out...is there a way that you can influence the situation?

Spending energy on the things that you can't control is a waste of time and can cause frustration and unnecessary stress. However, there's always something you can do...even if it's changing your attitude about the fact that you aren't in control. Accepting it. Letting go.

Are you ready?

Let's get to it...

Your challenge...

For this week, start to notice when you get those feelings that you have no control, and I say feelings, because there are physical feelings that come up that you may not be aware of. It could be feelings of anxiety, or feelings of anger, whatever those feelings are for you, identify where they're coming up.

Noticing is always the first step.

Then you can ask yourself:

  •  In this situation, do I have a say in the outcome? 

    • If the answer is, yes fantastic, take the action you can.

  • If the answer is no.

    • Either accept that or find out...is there a way that you can influence the situation?

Once you have that information...you get to decide how you want to be in the situation and yeah, you always have a choice.

Want to learn more about how a few sessions with me can dramatically increase your confidence? Contact me I guarantee you'll be glad you did!


Cheers,

Ann

Do you have "spidey" senses?

Do you have "spidey" senses? Yep. You do...we all do.

Whether you call them "spidey" senses or more commonly...instincts, how are you when it comes to noticing them and following their guidance?

Do you trust your instincts?

I'd like to think I do and a recent experience had me questioning myself.

Keeping a long story short, my husband and I were out at a busy food court, and his wallet was pickpocketed right as we sat eating our food. You might be wondering...how the hell did that happen Ann?

How indeed.

Here's the thing, I was feeling off when I saw an interaction happening behind my husband. I don't know if this ever happens to you, but I get kind of jumpy, I knew something was weird, but I couldn't put my finger on it. My spidey senses were on high alert.

It wasn't until, maybe 15 minutes later when we were walking through the mall, my husband put his hand in his pocket and his wallet was missing...I knew right away...that's why I felt off. 20/20 hindsight, right?

So what happened? 

There's so much that can happen in the periphery that we miss. But the body doesn't lie. It's a storehouse of information. It also has super keen senses that we don't even understand. For you...it might be a gut feeling, or a feeling in your heart. 

*Neuroscience tells us that intuition is a very real process where the brain makes use of past experiences, along with internal signals and cues from the environment, to help us make a decision. This decision happens so quickly that it doesn't register with our conscious mind.

The enteric nervous system that regulates our gut is often called the body's “second brain". This extensive network uses the same chemicals and cells as the brain to help us digest and to alert the brain when something is amiss.*

Intuition is sensing something. It’s information.

Is your gut always right? Not necessarily, and still, the information is always worth considering.

If you're not tuning into those senses, you're missing out on a storehouse of information that's there for you to grab, and not all of it is "bad". It can serve as a guide for you. It's a "knowing" but you have to pay attention to it.

So let's check in with you. How are you with trusting your spidey senses?

Are you ready?

Let's get to it...

Your challenge...

Pay attention! What are you missing that's just beyond your grasp?

For this week, really start to notice when you get a hit of information just before you're about to make a decision. Apparently that's when your senses kick in...nano seconds before your brain does, and that's truly where the gold is.

That's what confident people are able to tap in to. Learning to question those feelings rather than ruling them out. Treating them as information that's worth considering.

Want to learn more about how a few sessions with me can dramatically increase your confidence? Contact me I guarantee you'll be glad you did!


Cheers,

Ann
*Confidence *Mindset & Performance Coaching

  • https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC3845678/

Do you have “spidey” senses? Yep. You do…we all do.

Hoping for the best? That’s not a strategy.

Have you ever walked out of a meeting, or maybe more importantly, a conversation with a loved one, and thought...that didn't go how I'd hoped it would.

Here's the thing...hope is not a strategy...preparation is.

Do you relinquish your outcomes to someone or something else and hope for the best?  I get it. The times in my life when things didn’t go so well were definitely those times when I didn’t take the time to get clear about what I wanted. I left things to chance and walked into situations feeling less sure of myself, and, when you’re less sure of yourself, the person in the room who is prepared is going to win. Every. Single. Time. Yikes.

Conversely...

I can definitely trace my successes back to one common thread.  When I was clear about what I wanted...my outcome, and I spent time preparing for it, my successes increased exponentially.  I knew exactly how I was going to show up and trusted that this would influence my outcome, and it definitely did. 

How often do you head into an important meeting (or a conversation with a loved one) where the stakes are high and you hope for the best?

When you don't prepare you're putting your "hopes" of a successful outcome in the hands of the other person…because the truth is, the most prepared person will usually get what they want. Hands down.

Whether it's at work or probably, most importantly, at home...where emotions are involved...and with family...they always are, it's even more critical that you do the preparation.

Plan. Prepare. Practice.


Are you ready?

Let's get to it...

Your challenge...

If you're ready to stop relying on hope to get the outcome you want, here are a couple of tips to get you going.

Before your high stakes, no do-over conversation or meeting do this:

  • Plan.

    • Write down your desired outcome, yes write it down "old school" with pen and paper.  This helps to get the learning or in this case the intention in your head.

  • Prepare.

    • Visualize the meeting or conversation playing out how you'd like it to go. Make it vivid, put yourself in the place you'll be, what you'll be wearing...the more detail, the better.

  • Practice.

    • Repetition is key. The more you practice the more relaxed and ready you'll be for the situation.

Are you ready to move from hope to a strategy? Contact me and together we'll get you prepared.

Want to learn more about how a few sessions with me can dramatically increase your confidence? Contact me I guarantee you'll be glad you did!


Cheers,

Ann
*Confidence *Mindset & Performance Coaching

Hoping for the best? That’s not a strategy.

Do you toot your own horn?

Do you toot your own horn? Probably not nearly enough...

Talking about yourself, the things that you've done well, or you're proud of, can be difficult. Especially if you're female, or in a culture where talking about yourself is frowned upon.

Not comfortable with tooting your own horn? You're limiting yourself. How are others supposed to know what you're good at?

Are you comfortable articulating what you have to offer clearly without feeling "braggy"?

I read somewhere that it's not bragging if it's the truth. It's stating facts.

The mistake that you make is that you assume that others know. They don't.

That's YOUR job!


It's time to lead by example. It's time to talk about what I do really well.

A client starting their third session, said to me, "I've been in therapy, worked with social workers and other professionals, and you've done more to help me in the last two sessions than years of therapy* has".

I was humbled and a little speechless and tucked it away.

Then I started reflecting. "How is everyone else supposed to know all of this if I don't talk about it?" So after nine years as a coach, 4.5 years after authoring my first (of three) books and now facilitating my "Connect to Your Confidence" workshops... I'm ready to say - I'm really good at what I do! and I want you to know that. Gulp.

Now it's your turn...


Are you ready?

Let's get to it...

Your challenge...

 

  • Start looking for opportunities to share your strengths.

  • Stop assuming that others know - start telling them.

  • Remember: It's not bragging if it's the truth. It's stating facts.



Writing this felt more than a little uncomfortable, and keeping my offerings to myself isn't helping me or YOU...and ultimately, I want to help YOU.

Want to learn more about how a few sessions with me can dramatically increase your confidence? Contact me I guarantee you'll be glad you did!
Cheers,

Ann

*Therapy is a useful tool and it is not coaching. Likewise, coaching is a useful tool and is not a substitute for therapy.They can coexist.  

Do you toot your own horn? Probably not nearly enough…